I wonder sometimes if there's a common psychological profile to blogging's early adopters. One interesting data point is that I, like Amanda and Atrios absolutely despise talking on the phone. This is why even though I like writing and I like politics, I could never in a million years be a "real" political journalist. I can get through a conversation with, say, my dad but as a general matter I just absolutely hate to talk on the phone and will always use email, IM, or SMS if it's even vaguely plausible as a substitute.
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Phone Haters
11 Feb 2007 01:00 pm
Comments (31)
What about Bloggingheads? You have to talk on the phone for that.
I'm not big on the phone either, but one of the things I don't like about email is that it has (at least for me and my friends) totally killed the practice of writing letters (on paper and sent through the mail) to each other. That's a real loss.
The other thing I don't like about email is that it has mushroomed into a hydra-headed monster that you can chip away at but can never completely catch up with. If that makes any sense.
Wow. I thought I was the only one that hated talking on the phone.
m, txt msgs rock!
I also dislike talking on the phone, but how do you folks keep in touch with family (i.e. older relatives) who don't have computers or cell phones? And while my mother does have a computer, no amount of email from her can replace the sweet sound of her voice or her delightful laugh.
I just absolutely hate to talk on the phone and will always use email, IM, or SMS if it's even vaguely plausible as a substitute.
You've only reached the lowest level of geekitude. Step 2: IMing someone in the next room rather than calling out, "Hey, come over here for a minute. . ." Step 3: IMing someone sitting right next to you, ideally a close friend.
I dislike the phone, but I can manage it...BUT. If someone is in the same room with me listening to my end of the call, I'm VERY uncomfortable. Maybe I can't handle presenting two personas at once, or something. But it's not like I mind talking to one person in a room if another person's listening. It's sort of a mystery even to me.
I generally prefer email/IM over phone. However, I've run into plenty of situations (especially at work) where an email exchange turns into a huge fooferah, whereas a quick phone call could have had it over and done with in a few minutes.
Instant messaging (and sometimes IRC) is a good solution. It has the benefits of being real-time and fast (like a phone call), but, assuming you've set up your IM client correctly, leaves a log of the conversation (like email).
Being almost 50 (or, in political speak, having lived almost Five Decades), I can deal with the phone when I have to, but I'm basically the same - I prefer email much much more. The phone gives you a false sense of intimacy. My girlfriend doesn't agree....
And for business, email is usually - though not always - much better, since everything's in writing and it's harder to weasel.
Another early blogging adopter here, though I bailed about a year ago, but I too despise the phone. Absolutely can't stand it. It's to the point that I have a mental block against checking my voicemail, which has got me in trouble a few times.
I, too, hate talking on the phone, but of course the relevant descriptions run much broader than this single trait.
Those who prefer the phone because there is no paper trail may be smarter than one thinks. Paper trails go in both directions. Ambushes are very difficult without some sign they're being done.
Hey! I, too, hate the telephone.
I generally prefer email/IM over phone. However, I've run into plenty of situations (especially at work) where an email exchange turns into a huge fooferah, whereas a quick phone call could have had it over and done with in a few minutes.
I'm with Pete. In my job I have to rely on both email exchange and phone conversations as well. For about 75% to 80% of the business to be done, email is very well-suited and efficient. It allows for a wide spectrum of written expression from careful and decorous legalism to chatty and jokey informality. But there are certain kinds of practical problems for which email is just an asinine and needlessly slow procedure. Even the speediest typists can't type as fast as they can speak. And while email exchanges can move fairly quickly, even at their best there is a lag time that makes working with another person on a problem similar to coordinating with someone who is on the moon. And email conversation is too rigidly segmented. Sometimes it is important for one or both parties to be able to talk over the other speaker with little real time "uh-huh"s, "yeah"s and "nah"s and "umm"s.
There are some kinds of conversations, even in a work context, in which its essential to hear and exchange tones of doubt, assurance, laughter, exasperation, conviction, confidence and pique. We've all gotten more skilled at being able to express different kinds of emotion through the written electronic medium. But there is only so much you can do with cadence, spacing and punctuation - even newer emoticon-enabled punctuation. We are hard-wired, and also outfitted by a lifetime of experience, to understand other peoples' thoughts and feelings by interpreting verbal cues. And a phone conversation can develop a kind of personal bond which is more difficult to achieve through writing.
And then of course there are other times when you want to actually be conversing face to face, so that your other senses are involved in the cumminication. Of course in a real-time, audio-enabled converstation, face to face or on the phone, the other person can hear and possibly see you as well. So you don't have as much control. And you also have develop the courage to face direct, in-person rejection, not rejection painted over with written politesse.
As for being uncomfortable with people listening to you and overhearing your conversations, I know the feeling - but get over it. I was an educator for 18 years. Most of the time you just chatter right along naturally without thinking much about it, but occasionally you can be stricken with a sudden sense of self-consciousness and think, "Oh my God; everyone is looking at me!" That's bad. Don't do it.
When I did teach, one expression that set off radar warnings was "I could never...". Don't limit yourself according to your current limitations Matt. It's simply not true that you could "never in amillion years" be the kind of journalist who gets information by phone, cold-calling etc.
More judgmentally, a person who can't or won't hold a grown-up and civilized phone conversation is like a person who shakes hands weakly, refuses to look you in the eyes and mumbles a lot. It's callow. Matt: grow up, pick up the phone and be a man.
Mr. Yglesias has PLENTY of time in his professional career to grow into the role of "real" political journalist. Setting artificial barriers for oneself harms not only the individual, but the public at large when you have extremely valuable ideas to present. Somewhere along the way professional development might require a teaching gig. You speak at symposiums. You give phone interviews. So its hard to avoid. Heck, the occasional public speaking course or even acting lessons can be fun and may even be tax deductible.
A phone conversation requires small talk. Those who don't like small talk I would suspect don't like phones either.
I agree that people who shun phone conversations are frequently meek, shy types, whereas those who don't hesitate to pick up the phone and get someone on the line *right this second* to resolve their issue often have more forceful personalities overall. Perhaps one of the reasons phonecalls are still so dominant in business settings when other alternatives exist.
I also prefer email at work, and get mildly annoyed when people insist on calling. Email allows for the careful composure of thoughst that phone-calling doesn't, at the expense of a time delay. However, relating to the point I made above, when dealing with women in a dating context, it's always better to call, for the aforementioned reasons.
The phone is an evil instrument. Any jackass, fraud, con artist, psychopath, casual acquaintance or annoying relative in the world can use it to torture you at any time of the day or might. Come the revolution, when I am Commissar of Communications, there will be serious penalties for pestering innocent people with telephones.
I really do think many business people who prefer the phone or in person conversations are those who: (1) do not want a record of their request; (2) do not have a clear sense of what they want, and therefore want to talk something out (can be bad or good, depending on when they stop).
Personally, I can talk to my sister or Mom on the phone for a long time, but otherwise, I could do without.
Also - for the record - the in person conversation really is worlds better than the phone call. It's more natural, and it allows real discussion. Also, some people who love the phone engage in remarkably rude behavior (thinking you don't know). I can remember numerous co-workers who have called on the phone and clearly been doing other things at the same time, making it very hard to engage them seriously. These are often the very people who love the phone - they don't realize that they aren't good at it.
Further, I'd just comment that there is a huge difference between not LIKING the phone and being unable to use it. I would prefer to have a job that doesn't involve extensive phone conversations - I found a job that has some but not a ton. Those it has are more formal and structured meetings, which avoids the worst phone behavior. That's good. I often prefer other solutions, but that's fine.
Oh yeah, and none of these things is nearly as bad as the Television, which truly is destroying our culture daily. If I could have my "wish" politics (i.e. irresponsible politics crafted around one's ideal society rather than through aggregation of desires and recognition of other people's different needs, see, e.g., social conservatism), it would involve total abolition of the television. Movies at Theaters would still be allowed, but the vast majority of communication and entertainment would be through radio and written work. Discourse would improve immensely, people would be better thinkers, and a huge amount of the concentration of the media would be undermined. Sigh, if only.
I have pretty strong preferences in favor of the phone. In situations where lots of interaction is necessary, things can be cleared up over phone a lot faster than they can over email. I also like hearing other people's voices.
....So you don't have as much control. And you also have develop the courage to face direct, in-person rejection, not rejection painted over with written politesse.....
When I did teach, one expression that set off radar warnings was "I could never...". Don't limit yourself according to your current limitations Matt. It's simply not true that you could "never in amillion years" be the kind of journalist who gets information by phone, cold-calling etc.
More judgmentally, a person who can't or won't hold a grown-up and civilized phone conversation is like a person who shakes hands weakly, refuses to look you in the eyes and mumbles a lot. It's callow. Matt: grow up, pick up the phone and be a man....
You bring up big issues. It inspired me to write a long screed in response which I have now decided not to post it but to save and perhaps revise and refine my thoughts as time goes on. It contained too much personal info. (Funny-not-if I had been on a phone call with you, I would have just blurted it all in very rough fashion, and we would have interacted with much stress.)
Instead will just respond for now with three thoughts.
I am betting Einstein often mumbled and did not have a strong handshake.
Your advice strikes me as instructions for making people fit into a society or a system and make a go at that. That is usually but not always the way to either success or a happy life. Those "oddball" types who don't "fit in," sometimes also make great contributions, they are the dreamer types who end up innovating because they are looking for alternatives.
Current brain science is finding that people can indeed cause changes in their brains and skills and personalities if they push doing it. But when pondering that, one should also consider asking the hordes of guys who went off to work in the grey flannel suit rat race of the 50's and how that kind of pushing worked out for some of them.
OOPS my above should have THIS entire part ITALICIZED, it's from Dan Kervick's comment:
...So you don't have as much control. And you also have develop the courage to face direct, in-person rejection, not rejection painted over with written politesse.....
When I did teach, one expression that set off radar warnings was "I could never...". Don't limit yourself according to your current limitations Matt. It's simply not true that you could "never in amillion years" be the kind of journalist who gets information by phone, cold-calling etc.
More judgmentally, a person who can't or won't hold a grown-up and civilized phone conversation is like a person who shakes hands weakly, refuses to look you in the eyes and mumbles a lot. It's callow. Matt: grow up, pick up the phone and be a man....
the rest is mine
Your advice strikes me as instructions for making people fit into a society or a system and make a go at that. That is usually but not always the way to either success or a happy life. Those "oddball" types who don't "fit in," sometimes also make great contributions, they are the dreamer types who end up innovating because they are looking for alternatives.
Well, when I typed some of that "pick up the phone and be a man" stuff, I had my tongue in my cheek and was snickering. But you couldn't see or hear these things because I was only communicating through electronic typing.
I used to work the dreamy side of the street as a philosophy professor. Now I'm in the gray flannel suit world, where people tend not to find the stereotypical absent-mindedness of the professor quite so charming. I recommend trying each of these things at least once.
But seriously, I do think speaking on the phone is still one of the modest arts of modern civilization, like driving a car, that few people can avoid, and that it is best to enjoy and practice comfortably.
Shyness might not be as harmful in some walks of life as it is in others. But I don't think there many fields, even the studious ones, in which it is a positive benefit. We all suffer from shyness, more in some contexts than others. But it is good to do what one has to to get over it. All it does is close doors, whether in making a business deal, getting a date, collaborating on an artistic or scholarly project or in holding an intellectual conversation.
My understanding is that Einstein could be aloof and detached, but had public confidence, a good sense of humor and was generally a good conversationalist and companion. He also managed to marry twice and had ten other lovers along the way - not Casanova territory by any means, but evidence of a decent degree of confidence with the opposite sex.
Matt,
Like Freddie, I'm curious -- you use the phone on Bloggingheads, and you don't seem to have any problem with that.
Oh, and I, too, hate phones. I just punched mine in solidarity with all those who despise the infernal technology.
Hah, this evening's rather fine "Rome" episode had me pulling out some old dead-tree matter in a lovely binding, and lo and behold (as they used to say,) I ran across something there for those of us who are not enamored of the supposed benefits of extempore (telephony, and instant message) communication without "premeditation":
From Suetonius' Lives of the Twelve Caesars (translated by H.M. Bird, 1930)
on Octavius Caesar Augustus, my highlighting:
...Eloquence and liberal arts he exercised from his childhood with great diligence....He never addressed the senate, the people, or the army, but in a premeditated speech, though he did not lack the gift of speaking extempore when the occasion arose....In his discourse with individuals, and even with his wife Livia, he never spoke without first having put down in writing all he wished to say, if the subject were important, so that he might say neither more no less than was needful....
Matt, you've just added another detail to support the argument that you're an aspie. (That perserveration on basketball bulks pretty heavily, btw.)
"a person who can't or won't hold a grown-up and civilized phone conversation is like a person who shakes hands weakly, refuses to look you in the eyes and mumbles a lot. It's callow."
No it's not. It's called being autistic (Einstein was also autistic, btw.)
Although some of us are deeper than Matt. He avoids telephone conversations. I avoid conservations in general.
I don't mind talking on the phone but I need to be in the right mood. Since most of my conversations are by cell phone now, rather than from home, I'll often get calls when I'm not in the state of mind to care to deal with them. If I forgot that important context, I might start thinking I didn't like it when people call me or I don't like to talk on the phone. That's not really true though, it's just that I don't like people demanding my time and attention randomly when I'm doing my thing. If I'm settled in somewhere and in the right mood, I love talking to my friends and family on the phone. Who else would I care to talk to? And if I'm in the middle of some social occasion that I really want to exit, I'm going to welcome your call no matter who you are. Hell, I might even fake a call. :)
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Comments closed February 25, 2007.
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Heads in the Sand
I'm shocked at how many people in the world of business prefer phone to email. As a communication medium for working through problems, it's simply superior to voice communication. The only thing I can assume is that people can have differing memories of a phone call in the event of a fuck-up, but email leaves a record.
Posted by dj moonbat | February 11, 2007 1:12 PM