« No New Thing... | Main | Time for a Change » Question of the Day13 Feb 2007 11:15 pm Which of these lovely ladies wins the Ultimate Princess Showdown and takes the title of world's hottest princess?  Photo by Kriston CappsMy first instinct was to go with Sleeping Beauty, since it's right there in the name -- she's hot. But then, of course, there's Belle. And for that matter, Snow White is "the fairest of them all." I'm afraid that Princess Jasmine, Cinderella, and Ariel are out of luck. Comments (98)
Martin Peretz definitely wouldn't pick Jasmine. 
How can you tell just based on the evening gown section?? We need a swimsuit competition.
and Pocahontas apparently didn't even get nominated. racists.
You might as well Google for the x-rated versions so you can see what you're getting!
"Martin Peretz definitely wouldn't pick Jasmine. Then Matt is right and Peretz really is a tool. Jasmine is the hottest, look at those eyes. If Pixar Princesses were in the running though, Fiona would whip all those wimps.
Which one is Jasmine? And how exactly do you all know who is who (I'm assuming none of you are 8 year old girls)?
Dude, Belle. How is this even a question?
This one os etween Ariel and Jasmine. Foxy interpecies redhead vs. exotic middle eastern vixen. I can't believe you put those vanilla *ss b*tches ahead of the characters with unique allure, Matt
Which one is Jasmine? And how exactly do you all know who is who (I'm assuming none of you are 8 year old girls)? Dear god, I agree with Al. How horrifying. Time for bed.
Well, now Matt's one blogger who will never get hired by a campaign since we now have irrefutable proof that he likes to blog while he's high as a kite. (And Ariel, by the way. By a long shot.)
I mean by a mile.
The f**k is this?
What, is this Kissing Suzy Kolber all of a sudden? (Warning: dirty. Funny, but dirty.) Actually, to tell them apart, you don't have to be an 8-year-old girl, you just need to have one around the house. Mine, I think, leaned toward Jasmine, but now she is into American Girls which teach our important national tradition of outrageous markup.
Well, now Matt's one blogger who will never get hired by a campaign since we now have irrefutable proof that he likes to blog while he's high as a kite. Nah, I gave up drugs as New Year's Resolution 2006.
Is this Ariel with a tail or without it... cause it makes a big difference.
Jasmine, by a mile. She's got the best eyes AND the belly-dancer outfit. I suppose a case could also be made for Belle, if you have a French Maid fetish, or Ariel if you're into redheads and/or seafood. Snow White is a bit too cutesy for my money, and I don't think anyone over the age of 10 can tell the two blondes apart.
Is this Ariel with a tail or without it... cause it makes a big difference. Eh...let's say without. With, I think Jasmine gets it. (Although I regret that evil queen from Snow White isn't up there. She's hotter than all of them put together. In her non-hag form of course.)
Nah, I gave up drugs as New Year's Resolution 2006. Screw drugs. How's New Year's Resolution 2007 going? Giving up cigarettes strikes me as a far more ambitious and worthwhile cause.
For the record - it's clearly Ariel, followed closely by Jasmine, as explained by Philip. The rest aren't even in competition - as in they should be relegated to whatever location Pocahantes is hidden in. Further, I have to wonder about anyone who really hasn't seen a single one of these characters in a movie. Do you completely lack sisters, cousins, nieces, etc? And, I'll go one further - the Little Mermaid was actually a good movie, standing alone. Seriously. It would have been better if they had kept the ending of the original tale, where she dies, but obviously Disney couldn't do that. However, Matt is still really wierd for seeing this image as an excuse to have a beauty contest between the characters - it's like he's a fox producer or something.
What, we can't pick Nala? Just kidding. This is a great question, and the credited response is, of course, Belle.
My daughter's four, which is my excuse for being able to drop the following query on yall: Excuse me: Mulan??????? You're obviously a bunch of China-phobes.
matt's just delirious with jealousy that he didn't get the above as a hott anonymous internet valentine. like some people did.
Yeah, I kinda like my women 2-deminsional too.
Belle is the consensus choice here because she's liberated and bookish. Not that I disagree of course. Ariel gets bonus points for actually having a nude scene in her movie.
Which one is Jasmine? And how exactly do you all know who is who (I'm assuming none of you are 8 year old girls)? Somebody did not watch Disney movies when they were a kid (or, for that matter, ever have kids). Jasmine is the one that is... different from all the others. I leave the rest to you.
How's New Year's Resolution 2007 going? Giving up cigarettes strikes me as a far more ambitious and worthwhile cause. I've smoked zero cigarettes so far in 2007. It's been a pretty terrible experience, but presumably it won't get any more terrible at this point, so I'm optimistic about achieving the goal.
Jasmine was how I discovered that we brown people apparently turn a shade violet at night. I read HCA's little mermaid when I was little and I cheered when I saw the Disney version----total freakin' wish fulfullment. The original teaches little girls that shallow rejection best leads to suicide. Anything was an improvement.
I cast the lone vote for Cinderella. She would require the least maintenance.
For those of you picking Sleeping Beauty, bear in mind she's only 16. Belle is definitely the goer of the bunch, what with the overt bestiality, though she gets some competition from Snow White, who lives with seven guys simultaneously. Still, for my money, the sexiest classic Disney cartoon female was Tinkerbelle (see the scene in Peter Pan where she flaunts her booty when Wendy traps her in a drawer).
1. Is Mulan technically a princess? I don't think so. She can kill someone nine different ways, which is hot, but I think technically she's in the "other female characters" category. There it's between her and Tinkerbell, and I give Mulan the edge there because Tinkerbell, while obviously a freak, is only four inches tall. 2. Ariel w/o the tail, followed very closely by Jasmine. Ariel with the tail takes us to the Saturday Night Live "Interspecies Beach" sketch. Pocahontas (not pictured) takes third, and Belle fourth, as the second Disney Golden Age (starting with The Little Mermaid and ending with Pocahontas) tops the first for overall quality of female characters (i.e., they actually have personalities and stuff.) 3. The Lion King, The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, and Mulan are all excellent movies. Not excellent Disney movies, not excellent animated movies--excellent movies. Someday, Disney might even stop leaning on the Pixar crutch and get back to making 'em, instead of *shudder* Treasure Planet.
For those of you picking Sleeping Beauty, bear in mind she's only 16. Ditto Ariel and Snow White. The real Pocahontas was 13, but Disney took enough other license that one assumes she's probably in her late teens in the movie.
I vote for Ariel, who has the best voice. It's all about the voice...
Jasmine. Hands down, so to speak. The blonde, neatly arranged thing seems awfully, uh, how to be delicate? Like the sort of choice the sort of man involved in female fashion would make, Matt. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Just saying. Oh, I suppose the odd 89 year-old billionaire also might go for the blondes.
Someday, Disney might even stop leaning on the Pixar crutch and get back to making 'em Unlikely. After taking a major financial bath on Treasure Planet, they closed much of the animation department. Nobody has made money with a big-budget traditionally animated feature in years, which is why everything is CGI anymore. (Disney still does some TV stuff, plus cheapie direct-to-video sequels like Cinderella III, and the Pooh movies, which are also done cheap.) The golden age of lush, beautifully animated 2D Disney features is over.
Is Mulan technically a princess? http://disney.go.com/princess/html/main_iframe.html That's the *official* site. It says so. And if you can overlook the crap web design and withstand the annoying music long enough you'll see "click on each princess" under a row of pictures that includes Mulan. I rest my case.
"And if you can overlook the crap web design and withstand the annoying music long enough..." AAAHHHH!!! Make it stop!!!!!! But yeah, Mulan, no question.
I've always been an Ariel boy. (Belle is pretty good too.) Really, the ultimate girl is Willow from Buffy, and I like the red hair, and the Belle in-love-with-a-hairy-creature thing connects nicely too. And my first impulse after the Melissa McEwan resignation was to get Drunk Off My Ass. Last week it all looked so perfect, and now it's all blowed up.
I'm afraid that Princess Jasmine, Cinderella, and Ariel are out of luck. Oh sure, leave out the Middle Eastern, Italian, and Irish women -- I guess ethnic minorities are not your thing.
I made the mistake of leaving Reno 911 on Comedy Central on while typing this, so in the background I'm hearing, "Hi! I just moved into the neighborhood. I'm a convicted sex offender. Pleased to meet you!" Pocahontas, Mulan and Jasmine all in an all-legal three (four?)-way. Plus Ariel gets props for having her body based on Alyssa Milano pre-2005 or so.
Al, some of us also grew up in the 1980's and 1990's. Everyone under 28 - male or female, gay, straight or bi, etc. - or so knows who they are.
Not to be a thread hog, but why did Matt even make this post in the first place? Is he being an ironic, nostalgic hipster or should we be worried?
Of the ones on the poster, it's a toss up between Jasmine and Belle.
Jasmine is clearly not only trying to influece the judges by her intemperate display of midriff, but enrage our enemies by dressing liberally. D'Souza would be aroused and frightened simultaneously.
matt, women deserve better. they're not there for your evaluate like meat. yes, even imaginary cartoon women.
Better to get out of the beauty business. Coming from Kentucky Tara Conner country, I can say that the beauty queen business is an ugly and bizarre affair. Conner's mother began entering her in beauty contests at four. Junior Miss Pageants are popular among high school girls in this area. The desperation, vapidness, primping, sentimentality, and syrupy patriotism of pageants (see Little Miss Sunshine) are all disgusting to the max. As for the Disney princesses, they're all products of the beauty syndrome. I'd rather spend time with Ursula than any of them.
"Excuse me: Mulan??????? You're obviously a bunch of China-phobes." Isn't it possible we're just a bunch of sexists who were uncomfortable supporting her because she defied her traditional gender role?
Dude aren't you taking this gay thing a little too seriously? You remind me of my first ex-boyfriend. (6'4", built like a shithouse, with Beauty and the Beast sheets pillowcases and curtains, and Little Mermaid showercurtain, amont other things) Btw - did you ever choose between Results and WSC? oh - and Mulan kicks ass!
Dude-- Jasmine, out of luck? She's by faaaaaaaaaaaaar the hottest. You anti-Arab, you.
I want to say Jasmine, 'cause, frankly, she's smoking. On the other hand, her obvious ethnicity and ridiculously Othered outfit (note she's the only one in pants) make me want to kick her out of bed for being a disgusting example of racial stereotyping. But she is smokin'. And, you know, kicking her out of bed for something some Disney exec did seems harsh. Also, Belle == bookish and assertive == super hawt. Ariel is a plenty hot redhead and has a nice voice but, frankly, she spent the entire movie mooning after some guy that she didn't know even one little bit. Strong boundaries and good sense of self are big turn-ons for me, so she gets a pat on the head and some self-help books. The Bobbsey twins and Snow White A) need to grow personalities, and B) just make me think of Fables.
Ariel, because she was a mermaid and a princess.
Deliberately including Mulan & Pocahontas, simply because any Disney heroine is de-facto a princess, I vote: 1) Jasmine Oh, and I'm over 28, straight with 3 kids. That one of the kids happens to be a daughter has helped reinforce which of these is which. The "modern" princesses (Mulan, Jasmin) and the 90s princesses (Ariel, Pocahontas & Belle) are more interesting, assertive and self-actualizing than the 50s princesses. That's not surprising, and I think that's where a lot of the interest in Jasmine and Belle comes from.
Ariel by a mile (but no tail). They're all hot, but Ariel's the most fun. Plus, how can you vote for Jasmine when she wasn't even the star of her movie?
Jasmine. All the other characters look like they were drawn from the same template. You also have to consider that women of mediterranean and Middle Eastern descent age much better and more gracefully than women from northern european fairy tales.
I vote for Sleeping Beauty -- put a short skirt on her and she becomes Betty Boop!
"Excuse me: Mulan???????" or as Lou Dobbs would say: Communist Mulan.
Where's Princess Leia?
If you're into traditional gender roles (which I am not), you know that Cinderella can cook, clean, sew, etc. The actual princesses (Ariel, Sleeping Beauty) probably couldn't do a thing to help out around the house. Belle strikes me as the "super mom" type: career and family. Belle would be hotter in that picture if she wasn't wearing the super-feminine gown; she looks better as the bookish girl. That said: 1) Ariel 2) Jasmine 3) Belle The others are just too generic.
There's also the very funny "This American Life Story" about the Little Mermaid on the answering machine: http://www.thislife.org/pages/descriptions/02/203.html
Where is Esmeralda? She is easily the hottest Disney character ever. Maybe she's not a princess, but I think her less fortunate upbringing should count for, not against her. Lets count the ways:
Well, the consensus of 7 dwarfs can't, necessarily, hold sway. I mean, what were their options? She was the only gal in their neck of the woods.
We make this decision with the cartoon characters we have, not the cartoon characters we might wish to have.
So, was the woman who sent this encouraging you to play the field?
Hey, how about a "Best Disney Hunk" for those of us so inclined? (my god, I can't believe I just wrote those words...)
Jasmine's getting a lot of credit for wearing a harem outfit, but corsets are also hot. Belle's the only one showing bare shoulders AND cleavage. However, I'm leery of her body language with the purse. Well, maybe she's being coy. Jasmine, on the other hand, flings her arms open and thrusts her pelvis forward. We have a winner.
"Martin Peretz definitely wouldn't pick Jasmine. Of course not, she's a girl
Technically, Cinderella is a princess only because she married a prince--something a prudent hetero with a taste for keeping his head ought to remember in any discussion of her hotness.
"Jasmine is clearly not only trying to influece the judges by her intemperate display of midriff, but enrage our enemies by dressing liberally. D'Souza would be aroused and frightened simultaneously." Mr. D'Souza will in fact be using this wanton hussy as an example of why the U.S.A. should institute public stonings for "tawdry" women in his next book.
It's gotta be Belle. A few years back, I asked this question to a friend, with options limited to Belle, Ariel, and Jasmine, at a little kid b-day party. My friend begins to deliberate out loud, and his wife, who looks very much like Ariel, is standing behind him listening in. He muses on the attributes of Belle and Jasmine for several minutes and then, suddenly, a light bulb appears over his head and he says, "Oh, wow! Ariel - 'cause she looks like my wife!". His wife shook her head with a look of familiar disgust and walked away.
Hey, how about a "Best Disney Hunk" for those of us so inclined? They're not as well-marketed, and frankly, they're much duller all around. Also, I'm arbitrarily limiting this to heroes. Still, I think you're looking at... 1. The Prince, Snow White Any others who should be in the mix? FWIW, I'm secure enough in my heterosexuality to go with Li Shang, followed by Aladdin. But that's me.
Aladdin, because he's the only one I can remember. The inability to make an impression ought to count against the others. I didn't see Pocahantas or Mulan. And should Mogli (sp) from The Jungle Book be in there? Clearly jail bait, but, then, so apparently is Snow White.
What about Gaston from Beauty and the Beast? He's the kind of arrogant, abusive jerk who gets rejected in fairy tales but in real life would be fighting women off with a stick.
The answers for the men are easy -
"Which one is Jasmine? And how exactly do you all know who is who (I'm assuming none of you are 8 year old girls)?" I have an 8 year old daughter, so yes I know all their names, but no, I have never before given much thought to which is the hottest. But I'd have to narrow it down to Snow White and Cinderella. Snow White is straight out of one of those bizarre Grimm yarns that involve fleeing into the dark forests, being poisoned, and adopting weird living arrangements. Cinderella is the story of an Evita-like social climber, except with all the politics taken out. After Cindy marries the prince she leads the peasants and servants in a movement to expropriate the lands and wealth of the idle rich. The glass shoe is a revolutionary symbol of the fragility of the oppressive class system. The fragile glass shoe that is left behind signifies Cinderella's abandonment of her aristocratic parentage in order to take up the cause of the barefoot.
Reality Man's post at 11.29 is very funny
Yeah the Brother's Grimm are the best, though, I don't think their stories are for children really, more for fourteen year old goth types. And Snow White also inspired a rad postmodernist novel by Donald Barthelme - you'll never see her in the same light again, but beware it's a love it or leave it type of book.
At first glance, I was thinking Ariel and then Jasmine, but honestly, the neck-sized waists on all of these princesses are kind of a turn off.
This is exactly the valentine I received from the fairest of them all, my daughter Corinna, six years old and perfect. How nice to see it while poking around the interwebs today.
"FWIW, I'm secure enough in my heterosexuality to go with Li Shang, followed by Aladdin" From one straight guy to another, good calls, although I'd reverse them.
Esmeralda is disqualified because she was voiced by a dude with plastic tits, Demi Moore.
From a design standpoint, Snow White is the only one that doesn't suck wet farts from dead pigeons. Sleeping Beauty is strongish design, but made utterly bland so the audience can project onto her more. The rest are derivitive Cal-arts garbage that shouldn't share the same image as Snow White. And whoever colored that image should be dragged to the nearest brick wall and shot. Or, at least, severely chortled under the testicals.
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Heads in the Sand
My first instinct was to go with Sleeping Beauty, since it's right there in the name -- she's hot.
And apparently on roofies.
Posted by dj moonbat | February 13, 2007 11:25 PM