This is pretty funny (albeit not as funny as the Democratic version) but I think the basketball joke falls flat this time around -- particularly on the "con" side. Do readers have better ideas?
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Better Joke Needed
18 May 2007 04:19 pm
Comments (18)
"I think the basketball joke falls flat this time around -- particularly on the "con" side. Do readers have better ideas?"
The obvious candidates would be Bowen or Horry.
The jokes write themselves.
Con: Injury to his right wrist forced him to go to the left often, though not as often as Mitt Romney did as governor of MA.
GREG ODEN
Pros: Could carry Ohio. Seriously, he could literally carry the whole fucking state of Ohio.
Cons: Some concern that he, like the notorious Marion Barry, likes to "pound the glass" on occasion.
JOHN AMAECHI
Pro: 6'10" Power Forward whose size will project strength to our enemies. British accent reminds base of other Iraq War hawks like Tony Blair and Christopher Hitchens.
Con: Part of the radical homosexual agenda that is trying to destroy America.
DAVID STERN
Pros: Rules NBA with an iron fist, successful at importing Chinese and European commodities, may have had Latrell Sprewell killed.
Cons: Would institute draft, then rig it.
ROBERT HORRY
Pros: Spawn of satan have a good track record in Republican primaries. Actually old enough to be elected President.
Cons: His insistence on eating babies on camera may push down his approval numbers. Turning Arizona from red to blue won't help in November.
ROBERT HORRY
Pros: May not be able to take solid blue states, but can devour Powder Blue ones.
Cons: Proclivity of wearing up to seven rings at once may raise eyebrows in the South.
I guess we've proven that writing for McSweeney's is harder than it looks.
Simmons steals the "musk" bit from FreeDarko:
I miss Stephen Jackson. I'm a mess without him. I miss him so damn much. I miss being with him, I miss being near him. I miss his laugh and his crazy smile. I miss his scent; I miss his musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think me and him should get an apartment together.
I officially declare Simmons a shameless plagiarist, and I officially declare this year's NBA playoffs the musk-offs.
BILL SIMMONS
Pros: Will treat running of nation like competing in fantasy league; expect to get a fiery LePen and a dynamic Sarkozy for an expiring Cheney and a doomed McCain. Already plagiarizes like Churchill in his prime.
Cons: Will settle international disputes with Real World/ Road Rules Challenge-type competitions; trust me, you don't want to see Hugo Chavez sliding through an obstacle course in a bikini. Prime Minister Trishelle anyone?
That "musk" bit is from Anchorman; it's not plagiarism, it's an homage.
Anchorman:
Champ Kind: The bottom line is you've been spending a lot of time with this lady, Ron. You're a member of the Channel Four News Team.
Ron Burgundy: That's a given.
Champ Kind: We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you, I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent; I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together.
Brian Fantana: Take it easy, Champ. Why don't you stop talking for a while.
DWAYNE WADE
Pro: Can carry a flawed team to an upset victory; debate moderators call fouls on opponents who even think about attacking him.
Con: Efforts to increase Diesel production may alienate Iowa ethanol lobby.
Mike Krzyzewski
Pro:Recruiting shortfalls would end.
Con:Oath of office may be non-binding if president mispronounces his own name.
This might be strictly related to the basketball, but the Hagel:
con: Risks losing votes of near-sighted supporters of Kierkegaard, Schopenhauer, Heidegger, and Nietzsche who think the ballot says "Hegel."
Of course, in the perfect world of the intellectual elite and smug the "who think the ballot says 'Hegel" just wouldn't be neccessary, I mean, if someone doesn't get the joke at the mention of Schopenhuaer or Kierkegaard ain't gonna get some magical revelation at the mention of what appears to most to be some stupid typo.
I guess the real question is, if he wins, will the young supporters call themselves the Young Hagelians
Errr, change that "if he wins" to "if he runs"
BARON DAVIS
Pros: (after Dallas series) One of the best and most exciting players in the NBA. No limit to how far his energy and leadershop can take his team.
Cond: (after the Utah series) Selfish, hotheaded thug.
prescription a without adipex
Comments closed June 01, 2007.
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Heads in the Sand
The VP would have to take over after the first time the prez tried to board Marine One.
Posted by TJ | May 18, 2007 4:41 PM