Fun With Material Conditionals

Catherine Andrews recommends Washingtonian's guide to "dining out in U Street and Shaw" which includes the hilarious assertion "$30 or less." This is true in the same kind of way that "grass is green or Bush is a great president" is true rather than the sense in which you might realistically spend $30 there. If you got two chili half smokes (both come with potato chips), plus an order of chili cheese fries, plus two large sodas, plus two slices of cake, that comes to $24.80 and you'd almost certainly die if you ate all that.

Also, the review falsely states that Ben's "is best known for its chili dog and chili burger" and doesn't even mention the chili half-smoke which is actually what it's best known for, and contains the odd assertion that "Ben's is at its best at breakfast." On the contrary, Ben's is at its best when you're drunk off your ass. For an old-school U Street breakfast, go to the Florida Avenue Grill.

Photo by Flickr user Josh Thompson used under a Creative Commons license

Comments

[...] the odd assertion that "Ben's is at its best at breakfast." On the contrary, Ben's is at its best when you're drunk off your ass.

Let me be the first to proudly point out that these are not mutually exclusive.

Posted by live | June 14, 2007 2:25 PM

... hmm, did I just use a hortatory subjunctive? or is that a plain old imperative?
[Shutting up now.]

Posted by live | June 14, 2007 2:28 PM

If you got two chili half smokes (both come with potato chips), plus an order of chili cheese fries, plus two large sodas, plus two slices of cake, that comes to $24.80 and you'd almost certainly die if you ate all that.

I'd say the odds are you probably would not, in fact, die.

Posted by vanya | June 14, 2007 2:30 PM

I love how on the wall of signed celbrity pictures at Florida Ave Grill, Ludacris and Strom Thurmond are right next to each other.

Posted by RC | June 14, 2007 2:35 PM

Let me be the first to proudly point out that these are not mutually exclusive.
Posted by live

Waah. People keep stealing my lines.

Posted by Cyrus | June 14, 2007 2:36 PM

... though (not shutting up after all), strictly read, Matt isn't saying those two things are exclusive, but rather that the review has identified the wrong metric. Ben's [Matt can be taken to be saying] is at its best when you are drunk off your ass, whether that happens to be at breakfast or not.

Also, is it just me, or is that an extremely unappetizing-looking item in the photo? Well, food is hard to photograph.

Posted by live | June 14, 2007 2:48 PM

Also, is it just me, or is that an extremely unappetizing-looking item in the photo?

i thought it looked like someone pooped in a yellow sock.

Posted by cleek | June 14, 2007 2:54 PM

i thought it looked like someone pooped in a yellow sock.

bingo.

Posted by razib | June 14, 2007 3:01 PM

To me it manages to look both fecal and (vaguely) fetal.

Posted by live | June 14, 2007 3:11 PM

I had dinner at Ben's last month. It kind of sucked. Everyone knows Wheaton-Silver Spring rules the Cheap Eats scene anyhow.

Posted by Jim Henley | June 14, 2007 3:15 PM

I immediately thought of Spinal Tap's discography after seeing that picture.

Posted by JF | June 14, 2007 3:15 PM

"If you got two chili half smokes (both come with potato chips), plus an order of chili cheese fries, plus two large sodas, plus two slices of cake, that comes to $24.80 and you'd almost certainly die if you ate all that."

Except for the cakes, and downgrading the chili cheese fries to regular fries, this is a fairly ordinary meal for me (of course, I spent 7 years in Chicago, where a polish or a brat is a light snack). Adding the chili fries back with the cakes, it would be a pretty big meal for me, but nothing medically hazardous. Trust me, there are plenty of people who do take this type of meal down on a regular basis. (yes, most of them are fairly overweight, but it's not that unusual).

Matt needs to fly to Milwaukee or Kansas City and go to some joints there. Or, even better, go to the Deep South (not Atlanta).

Posted by burritoboy | June 14, 2007 3:19 PM

The $30 or less is dinner for two

Posted by rl | June 14, 2007 3:25 PM

In the list of "unsettling images atop MY blog posts," this chili-poop half-smoke is just ahead of the "Black Hole Sun" video and just behind the "Girlfriend" video. In short, it is upsetting and wrong.

I'm hoping for a "Dining Out in Mt. Pleasant" feature, in which the "Under $10" category is an exhaustive analysis of the nuances of the 15 different pupusa places.

Posted by SDM | June 14, 2007 3:32 PM

is it just me, or is that an extremely unappetizing-looking item in the photo?

Brown flecks on the wrapper hint at an explosive delivery.

Posted by Languid Mike | June 14, 2007 3:32 PM

I immediately thought of Spinal Tap's discography after seeing that picture.

Ahh, that would be the "two-word review" of Tap's album "Shark Sandwich." (Just letting you know we got the reference.)

Posted by James Gary | June 14, 2007 3:35 PM

It's an interesting fact about Ben's Chili Bowl that you're much better off skipping the chili, which is on par with the canned stuff you get from Hormel or Armour. The half-smoke with just mustard and onions is pretty good though.

Posted by Neil | June 14, 2007 4:07 PM

As much as I've wanted to like Ben's Chili Bowl (because it seems like a prerequisite for any hip DCer), I've walked away disappointed every time.

I'd say Ben's ranks very high on the "everyone acts like they like it but secretly don't" scale...right below Neil Young music and modern art.

Posted by Ed | June 14, 2007 4:58 PM

As a guy who lived at 15th and U back in the glory days when you could buy your drug of choice at the open air drug market at 14th and V (doesn't open air drug market sound vaguely wholesome -- like you'd be getting organic crack)and could learn to identify the sound of small arms fire at night (no sweety that's a glock not a streetsweeper)I will vouch for the breakfast at the Florida Avenue Grill. As long as you are not overly concerned about your blood pressure.

Posted by Klein's Tiny Left Nut | June 14, 2007 7:55 PM

The topic is good eats on U Street and the places that get the nod are Ben's and Florida Ave. Grill? I take Eats to imply that the food has to be somewhat edible. Ed's opinion about Ben's (though not about modern art) exactly mirrors my own, and, although Florida is decent, why not just go to Dukem? The $45 or so price tag will be more than made up for in the corresponding jump in the quality of both Eats and drinks (love St. George).

Posted by VasyaDC | June 14, 2007 9:37 PM

Ben's is at its best when you're drunk off your ass.

To me it manages to look both fecal and (vaguely) fetal.

I guess it falls upon me to point out that these statements are by no means mutually exclusive, and are both perfectly compatible with my opinion that Ben's is still a pretty damn good chili joint.

If your chili is aesthetically pleasing to the eye, you're probably doing something horribly wrong.

Posted by LaFollette Progressive | June 15, 2007 1:15 PM