Hedge Fund Hotties

I had thought the point of becoming a super-rich hedge fund manager was that chicks would be into you no matter how bad you looked, so you wouldn't need to worry about dressing well. Just confused I guess. Speaking of confused, I think Chad Ford needs a remedial course in gender stereotypes:

Taking Kevin Durant is like dating a supermodel. She's hot. Everyone thinks you're cool for being next to her. For a few years everything is great. But when it's time to settle down, have kids, start a life ... she's eyeing younger guys. Partying late at night. Leaving you in the dust the next time a good thing comes along.

Taking Oden is like marrying the girl you don't want to date, but the girl you want to spend the rest of your life with. She's responsible. She looks out for you. She helps you be the best person you can be. She's not hot on the outside. But inside she makes your life worth living.

When she gets older, your trophy wife is going to dump you for a younger man? That's backwards. Ford's cliché only works if you reverse the genders and then we're in cads and dads territory. What's more, since Durant and Oden are both men, it makes more sense this way. Durant's the flashy guy you want, Oden's the solid guy you know you should want. And, yes, I'm wearing my Texas Basketball t-shirt right now. The problem is that Ford's so tangled-up in his own anxieties that he can't bear the thought of constructing an analogy that turns him into a woman (or maybe a gay man, but the stereotype really only fits if he's a woman).

Comments

I like Bill Simmons and all--he's an entertaining writer--but damn is he stupid in this column. I mentioned it in the previous b-ball thread, but it's so bad I'm repeating it: he starts with this.

The thing is, all these franchise centers are basically the same -- it just comes down to their inherent will to dominate a game. Hakeem had that will, Duncan has it, Moses had it, Shaq had it in 2000 and 2001 ... for whatever reason, Ewing didn't have it, and neither did Mourning or Robinson.

Which is kind of funny considering the mockery "will to win" comes in for, and considering that Ewing and Mourning's real problem was that they didn't have the "ability to win," or enough of it. Ewing and Mourning were intense, hardworking players. I have no idea what he even thinks he's talking about.

Then later on he says this.

here's a list of the non-centers who led their teams to titles in the last 25 years: Bird, Magic, Jordan, Isiah, Wade, Billups/Hamilton. So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

What do you notice about that list? Like, do you notice that most of those guys just happened to play alongside Hall-of-Fame centers? Does he expect us not to notice it?

Posted by Antid Oto | June 28, 2007 5:55 PM

Including Mourning on a list of franchise centers is really stretching it. Mourning was just a run-of-the-mill all-star, a slight cut above Brad Daugherty. Oden's potential is way above Mourning level.

Robinson won a championship. So he had Duncan too. So what? Wade had Shaq.

So 83% of the franchise centers that Simmons himself named won championships. Meanwhile, he can only name five great non-centers who led their teams to championships. Do we even need to go through the trouble of listing all of those who failed?

Posted by JP | June 28, 2007 6:22 PM

Yeah, you can crack on Mourning for his skill level as compared to guys like Olajuwon, but have you ever heard someone say Mourning lacks the intensity? That's a new one.

Posted by Steve | June 28, 2007 6:43 PM

The real point is that you generally need two great players to win a championship. Usually it's a big man and a guard, but two great players will generally get you there. It makes Duncan all the more impressive, or it means we completely underrate Ginobili/Parker.

Posted by Joel W | June 28, 2007 7:21 PM

The problem with the example is that it is stereotypically no fun to date a supermodel. They look good in clothes, but they are notoriously not into having fun, in all the various ways that fun is had, and are high maintenance to have around. Or else they are psycho like Naomi Campbell.

Posted by blah | June 28, 2007 7:42 PM

Why yes, its rather common for the trophy wife to leave, or more commonly cheat, on their sugar daddy. Its curious how its not until they're financially secure that they realize how creepy it is they're sharing a bed with a man old enough to be their father.

Exhibit A, Mrs. Strom Thurmond was living with another (and it goes without saying, younger) man when the undertake finally brought out the baseball bat.
http://www.broadsides.org/mt/000684.html

Of course, "financially secure" usually means having the rich old guy's kids-- a prenup can bar alimony and property settlements, but its illegal to sign away child support obligations.

Posted by beowulf | June 28, 2007 7:56 PM

I'm a Longhorn, and I'm just glad you've got a Texas Basketball T-shirt. Hook'em Matt!!

Posted by Karen | June 28, 2007 10:23 PM

There is actually lots of truth to this (when the guy is older than the young hottie, and it's just a hottie, not a supermodel). The supermodel can be too uptight about whaat to eat, drink, etc to really have fun, and can just be a pain.
However, the young hottie party girl who marries the older gentleman who woos her with lavish gifts and expensive dinners gets bored quickly, especially when the man is now a husband and is back to being just a married, working guy, as opposed to a guy trying to bag a hot young girl.
And so the young woman begins partying more with her friends, because the old guy is tired from work all the time, is boring, doesn't like "cool" music anymore etc.
But the youngster doesn't want to lose financial security, so it kind of devolves into a passive aggressive relationship of the girl throwing all her partying in the guy's face until divorce comes, and they both hate each other.
= I know people who do wealthy divorces, and I guess it's more common than you'd think. Usually the guy is mad that girl doesn't settle down and become a doting wife, and the girl is mad the guy... well, is an old guy who can't keep up and doesn't want to go to young hip party spots.

Posted by agorabum | June 28, 2007 10:49 PM

in re: hedge fund clothes, it is possible to buy t-shirts that say "Fuck Me, I'm A Hedge Fund Manager", but they're probably regarded as a bit vulgar in most of the best spots.

Posted by dsquared | June 29, 2007 3:17 AM

And thus the limits of analogies ...

Posted by Jeffrey Davis | June 29, 2007 8:44 AM