Purity Ball Fun

This really creeps me out.

Jessica Valenti notes in particular "the creepy pseudo-incestuous dad" and "the girls offering themselves 'as a priceless gift' in the purity pledge" as particular highlights. Personally, my favorite was a part where someone suggested that "purity" was the way to go because if you get involved in sex and dating and so forth there's a risk of broken hearts. Tennyson sheds a tear.

My recollection is that, for better or for worse, studies indicate that this sort of thing doesn't actually result in the women who make the "purity" pledges actually saving it for marriage.

Comments

No, but what do you think the average levels of IQ, self-control, and hard-headed decision-making are found among girls who are real into attending a Purity Ball? Adjusted for that, it may well have an effect.

Posted by Steve Sailer | June 18, 2007 4:46 PM

You want creepy? Here's creepy.

Posted by lemuel pitkin | June 18, 2007 4:55 PM

Bill Maher said exactly the same thing on his show last season.

Posted by Freddie | June 18, 2007 4:56 PM

"Save Your Vagina for Your Husband - Practice Anal Sex." Now *there's* a public service announcement I'd like to see.

Posted by Anderson | June 18, 2007 4:57 PM

no I got creepy: a purity ball for 14 year old boys and their moms !

Posted by novakant | June 18, 2007 4:57 PM

that said, sailer becoming one of the regulars here is even more creepy

Posted by novakant | June 18, 2007 5:00 PM

The most easily recognizable piece of music during the ball? "In The Mood"

Some of the lyrics:
First I held him lightly and we started to dance
Then I held him tightly what a dreamy romance
And I said "Hey, baby, it's a quarter to three
There's a mess of moonlight, won't-cha share it with me"
"Well" he answered "Baby, don't-cha know that it's rude
To keep my two lips waitin' when they're in the mood"

In the mood for all his kissin'
In the mood his crazy lovin'
In the mood what I was missin'
It didn't take me long to say "I'm in the mood now"

Yeah, no conflict in message there.

Posted by Robert Earle | June 18, 2007 5:08 PM

If someone ever makes a prequel to 'Chinatown' one of the key scenes will be Noah Cross and young Evelyn Cross (Mulwray) attending a Purity Ball.

Posted by Woody Bombay | June 18, 2007 5:24 PM

You know what damages young women? Teaching them that their own natural urges are evil, and teaching young men that it's okay to exploit girls that have sex. The people complaining about this are the ones causing the problem. When a person first has sex, it's ultimately a choice they are going to make for themselves. I doubt many of these guys waiting till they were out of high school before they had sex. I seriously doubt they waited until they were married. They couldn't have all been losers.

Posted by soullite | June 18, 2007 5:25 PM

about a year ago, I attended a wedding for a cook neighbor's son. The D-I-L was nice, pleasant but ill at ease.

Turns out that daddy took her to a purity ball, then very likely abused her. repeatedly.

At the wedding dance instead of letting the son (groom) dance with his bride, daddy took daughter to the floor, then proceeded to grope her, fondle her, grab her butt and tits, not accidently, but deliberately, and with apparent practice. The expression on the poor girl's face was "Oh god, not again" while mommy dearest wore her icy smaile as though nothing had happened.

EVERYONE in that ballroom was grossed out. When daddyums gave his speach, he TOLD the audience that she had been pledged to him (daddy) and now he was "giving" his daughter to the groom.

I almost puked.

Posted by pastor agnostic | June 18, 2007 5:28 PM

technical virgins ftw!

Posted by Hank | June 18, 2007 5:30 PM

Insane. Dangerously insane. These people may single-handedly rehabilitate Freud.

Posted by sangfroid826 | June 18, 2007 5:31 PM

Anderson--here. There's an unforunately sequel.

Posted by Matt Weiner | June 18, 2007 5:37 PM

I'm ever upper class high society
God's gift to ballroom notoriety
I always fill my ballroom
the event is never small
the social pages say I've got
the biggest balls of all

(chorus)
oh, I've got big balls
I've got big balls
and they're such big balls
dirty big balls
and he's got big balls
and she's got big balls
but we've got the biggest balls of them all

and my balls are always bouncing
my ballroom always full
and everybody cums and cums again
if your name is on the guest list
no-one can take you higher
everybody says I've got
great balls of fire

(chorus)

some balls are held for charity
and some for fancy dress
but when they're held for pleasure
they're the balls that I like best
my balls are always bouncing
to the left and to the right
it's my belief that my big balls
should be held every night

Posted by Purity | June 18, 2007 6:00 PM

I'm ever upper class high society
God's gift to ballroom notoriety
I always fill my ballroom
the event is never small
the social pages say I've got
the biggest balls of all

(chorus)
oh, I've got big balls
I've got big balls
and they're such big balls
dirty big balls
and he's got big balls
and she's got big balls
but we've got the biggest balls of them all

and my balls are always bouncing
my ballroom always full
and everybody cums and cums again
if your name is on the guest list
no-one can take you higher
everybody says I've got
great balls of fire

(chorus)

some balls are held for charity
and some for fancy dress
but when they're held for pleasure
they're the balls that I like best
my balls are always bouncing
to the left and to the right
it's my belief that my big balls
should be held every night

Posted by Angus Young | June 18, 2007 6:01 PM

Hanna Rosin just recently did an article for Slate titled "Even Evangelical Teens Do It". It's got as good a breakdown of the extend to which religious belief does and does not affect the choice of whether to engage in sexual activity (broken down by religion and denomination) as I've ever seen in a non-academic publication.

Posted by VasyaDC | June 18, 2007 7:04 PM

pastor agnostic, daaaaaamn. I'm surprised nobody did actually puke.

Posted by Reality Man | June 18, 2007 7:30 PM

It’s all very fine and well to mock this invented ham handed “tradition”. The conflation with incest however seems intended to demonize not enlighten.

What’s a Father to do if he wishes to instill a sense of self respect, restraint and chastity in a young girl in today’s cultural environment?

You may dismiss the means, but are you all really that blithe about the ends?

Posted by Fitz | June 18, 2007 7:33 PM

Strange way to grow self respect by espousing that the only thing you have of value is between your legs.

Posted by Rob | June 18, 2007 7:36 PM

This has gotta be Christopher Hitchens' wet dream.

Posted by Bill | June 18, 2007 7:37 PM

"Save Your Vagina for Your Husband - Practice Anal Sex." Now *there's* a public service announcement I'd like to see.

You mock, but I actually knew a girl in college who did this. Started dating a super-Christian and pretty soon they were fudge-packing for the Lord. True story.

Posted by Bill | June 18, 2007 7:39 PM

What’s a Father to do if he wishes to instill a sense of self respect, restraint and chastity in a young girl in today’s cultural environment?

He could start by not coercing his daughter into reciting some creeped-out pledge from an index card in front of a crowd. I'd have to check my self-respect at the door to manage that.

Posted by Bill | June 18, 2007 7:47 PM

Anyone else find it helariosu that the girl's name was Angela Merkel?

Posted by Chad Okere | June 18, 2007 7:48 PM

Er, I mean hilarious.

Posted by Chad Okere | June 18, 2007 7:49 PM

Rob
"Strange way to grow self respect by espousing that the only thing you have of value is between your legs."

I can’t recall anyone saying it’s the “only” thing of value about women is between their legs. What is refreshing about this (as lame as it is) is that it treats human sexuality like it has SOME value. A idea you simply wont get from cable.

Bill
"He could start by not coercing his daughter into reciting some creeped-out pledge from an index card in front of a crowd. I'd have to check my self-respect at the door to manage that."

Perhaps, like I said its obviously "ham-handed" faux tradition. Nevertheless a couple aspects of it seem worthwhile.

1) A public and open avowal of the dignity of human sexuality.

2) The importance of Fathers in the development of young women’s expectations regarding men.
tions regarding men.

Posted by Fitz | June 18, 2007 8:02 PM

1) A public and open avowal of the dignity of human sexuality.

Are you serious? Please don't forget that these are kids - the parents are coercing them to make public statements which are probably not an appropriate public subject. They want to teach their kids the birds and the bees, fine - do it at home, don't torture your daughters.

Posted by Rob (different one) | June 18, 2007 8:11 PM

You are all so cynical and hard-hearted. How can you not see the love between this typical Purity Ball couple?

Posted by Brittain33 | June 18, 2007 8:22 PM

Rob (different one)
"the parents are coercing them to make public statements which are probably not an appropriate public subject. They want to teach their kids the birds and the bees, fine - do it at home, don't torture your daughters."

I suspect these parents are trying to counter the overall environment their daughters travel in. The fact is youth sexuality IS a "public subject" and those predominantly setting the tone are doing so in favor of sexual license.

I would not choose this type of express venue, but young people are uncomfortable in sex ed class watching a rubber being put on a cucumber. Multiple forces converge to publicly teach are kids about the birds and the bee’s.

I have tremendous sympathy for those with the courage to attempt to confront this environment. I also have no respect for those who misrepresent such attempts as (themselves) acts of sexual deviancy, such as incest.

Posted by Fitz | June 18, 2007 8:23 PM

1) A public and open avowal of the dignity of human sexuality.

Try doing it in front of a mirror some time. Having sex is one of the least dignified acts I can think of. The second least dignified act I can think of is "a public and open avowal of the dignity of human sexuality."

2) The importance of Fathers in the development of young women’s expectations regarding men.

Well, talk about a self-defeating methodology.

Posted by Bill | June 18, 2007 8:25 PM

Just to make the point further: young people aren't being destroyed because of having sex. If there's any damage, it's almost always from having sex while being stupid. Cure the stupidity, not the proclivity.

Posted by Bill | June 18, 2007 8:28 PM

I have tremendous sympathy for those with the courage to attempt to confront this environment.

Excuse me, a purity ball strikes me as an expression of cowardice, not courage.

I also have no respect for those who misrepresent such attempts as (themselves) acts of sexual deviancy, such as incest.

Sexual repression is its own form of deviancy. I don't have a problem with a father admonishing his daughter about sex, or even proscribing it. Turning the whole conflict into a pageant is exploitative, in bad taste, and extremely unflattering to the father.

Posted by Bill | June 18, 2007 8:35 PM

I'm a huge advocate of the importance of formal parties and ballroom dancing, and even that it's a good idea for kids and their parents to do such activities together every once in a while. I think, though, that such activities are best done without any discussion of the kids' sex life.

Also, in response to the first comment, I don't see any indication that the kids that go to these things are anything but upper middle or middle class. They have clear skin, straight teeth, dinner jackets and nice ball gowns. Those things generally aren't available to trailer trash. Thus, I doubt there's any benefit to the pledges beyond the benefit of just being a girl from a middle class family.

Posted by Karen | June 18, 2007 8:43 PM

I'm a huge advocate of the importance of formal parties and ballroom dancing, and even that it's a good idea for kids and their parents to do such activities together every once in a while. I think, though, that such activities are best done without any discussion of the kids' sex life.

Way to stake out a middling position there, Karen.

I personally think it's best to wait for a late-afternoon walk down a tree-lined path, with hazy sunlight streaming down through the boughs, before asking, "Mom, do you douche?"

Posted by Bill | June 18, 2007 8:52 PM

wait, did she say her name was angela merkel?

she has the same name as the german chancellor?

Posted by b.schac | June 18, 2007 9:13 PM

I read about this a few months ago and thought,"This has incest written all over it." Yes I am totally creeped out at the idea of the girl pledging her virginity to daddy. I think they should stick to preaching abstinence, or some other way to say it's important to wait, whatever, just not this.

Posted by kingstongirl | June 18, 2007 9:32 PM

One assumes that the brothers of these unfortunate girls are expected to fuck anything that moves until marriage.

Posted by ed | June 18, 2007 9:47 PM

ed: Why should one assume that?

Posted by James Kabala | June 18, 2007 10:10 PM

Bill, I wasn't trying to stake out the middle position there, I was trying, without success, to be sarcastic. (And no, I'm not being sarcastic with that comment.) Still, I do think formal dances are wonderful and wish there were a lot more of them.

That said, I have absolutely no intention of ever discussing sex with my sons in any shape form or fashion. I've told my husband that's his department. I really, really, really don't see anything but misery in my trying to have that particular discussion. I didn't discuss sex with either of my parents and see no reason why I should change a family tradition.

Posted by Karen | June 18, 2007 10:20 PM

Andrew S. was ahead of the curve on this one:

http://happyvalleynews.wordpress.com/2007/06/12/revirgin-redeflowered/

Posted by VagabondJim | June 18, 2007 10:41 PM

this is fringe stuff.

but its exactly the type of stuff which make Americans look crazy to europeans.

Posted by thehova | June 19, 2007 12:24 AM

"1) A public and open avowal of the dignity of human sexuality.'

This is a desecration of sexuality that is without honesty. It is mysogynist. It puts her ability to have sex as 1) the most important thing she has to offer as a human being and 2) squarely in her father's hands in a creepy fashion. This is women as property.

"2) The importance of Fathers in the development of young women’s expectations regarding men.
tions regarding men."

I guess starting out as low as possible has its benefits. Taking their wives' virginities are probably the sole highlights of the lives.

Posted by Reality Man | June 19, 2007 3:04 AM

They never do it right. All this purity ball stuff, its meaningless. You don't just go to the girls and tell them not to have sex, you have to get to the boys.

I'll never forget the time me and my mom were on a walk and she turned to me and said "you get a girl pregnant and I'll kill you" and you know what, I've yet to get a girl pregnant.

Posted by Parmenides | June 19, 2007 9:06 AM

I'm for that. If we balance purity vows for girls with death threats for the boys, I could get behind this.

Posted by Daddy Love | June 19, 2007 9:21 AM

“This is a desecration of sexuality that is without honesty. It is mysogynist. It puts her ability to have sex as 1) the most important thing she has to offer as a human being”

No were does this group state that her sexuality is the “most important thing she has to offer as a human being.” It simply gives it the very real importance and centrality it truly possesses. (as stated I find it to be a ham-handed faux tradition) Yet, the impulse is not unreasonable nor immoral. If a young woman’s sexuality has failed to be important and central in their lives; its news to me (and young women). Acknowledging it as such is simply facing reality squarely. The value put on it and the expectations sought are another matter.

Its not unreasonable for women to be expected to set a general tone of restraint and that a level of commitment be established before things get intimate.

Of coarse men should also be made aware of this ethic and be taught to respect it.

“2) squarely in her father's hands in a creepy fashion. This is women as property.”

Hardly, warmed over feminist troupes rarely prove enlightening. If taking your husbands surname; a Father giving away his daughter as a bride, or a fiancée on bended knee asking for a women’s hand in marriage are all reducible to crude “power relations”. To say that a Father has a special duty as a man to set expectations and provide loving guidance to his daughter, is vital advice for both fathers and daughters.

You may find it “creepy”, but science has reaffirmed the importance of natural fathers to such a degree that his presence in the home actually delays the onset of a young girls first period.

What our daughters are expected to negotiate cannot be ignored.

http://www.amazon.com/Strong-Fathers-Daughters-Secrets-Father/dp/1596980125

“I guess starting out as low as possible has its benefits. Taking their wives' virginities are probably the sole highlights of the lives.”

This is just some silly ad hominem attack against a generalized target without substantiation.

Posted by Fitz | June 19, 2007 9:31 AM

No were does this group state that her sexuality is the “most important thing she has to offer as a human being.”

This group is focusing soley on her sexuality, with that sexuality being directly "pledgable" to her father and her father alone. The mother plays no substantial part in this ceremony. The whole point of the ceremony is to normalize a sexual relation between father and daughter.

"Of course men should also be made aware of this ethic and be taught to respect it.

But they are not. That is the point. This one-sided approach reveals the ceremony for what it is; a creepy and intrusive fixation on little girl's sexuality. Furthermore, by the clear absense of a similar ceremony for boys, it fosters a culture of rape, or at very least lies.

Posted by Tom | June 19, 2007 11:28 AM

“Hardly, warmed over feminist troupes rarely prove enlightening. ”

No, but they are great at juggling and improv comedy. And they heat up a chilly room. But the costumes aren't very sexy.

Fitz: go away, you moron.

Posted by Keith M Ellis | June 19, 2007 11:35 AM

i liked the woman as quoting bush as saying "what don't they get about abstinence education? it works every time." i wonder if they made the piece before these results came out: http://www.mathematica-mpr.com/welfare/abstinence.asp

sadly, we all know what happens to research and evidence that doesn't fit what the decider or a lot of other people already "know"

Posted by looj | June 19, 2007 11:37 AM

"The whole point of the ceremony is to normalize a sexual relation between father and daughter."

I also have no respect for those who misrepresent such attempts as (themselves) acts of sexual deviancy, such as incest.

"it fosters a culture of rape, or at very least lies."

Your twisted.

You all should really not have listened to your professors.
Their not to be trusted.

Posted by Fitz | June 19, 2007 11:54 AM

looj: Probably she meant "abstinence works every time," (i.e., as a way not to get pregnant or infected with an STD, as opposed to non-foolproof contraceptives and condoms), not "abstinence education works every time." I have heard the "abstinence works every time" adage before. You may not agree with the thinking behind it, but it is undoubtedly accurate.

Posted by James Kabala | June 19, 2007 11:56 AM

A couple of times in the video they state that "women were created to be accepted by men". You don't think that denigrates the value of women? Sorry, but that has nothing to do with studies that show that an involved father has value to duaghters. So finding this whole thing creepy and sexist in the extreme is not the same thing as saying that sex and fathers are unimportant.

Posted by tgb | June 19, 2007 12:03 PM

umm... di dthat 15 year old from Sioux City at 10:03 introduce herself as "Angela Merkel"??

Posted by PK again | June 19, 2007 12:03 PM

I also have no respect for those who misrepresent such attempts as (themselves) acts of sexual deviancy, such as incest.

I can't parse anything meaningful from that sentence. For whom don't you have respect? Who is misrepresenting? Me? Them? You? Try to be a little clearer and don't assume we're all privy to the voices in your head.

it fosters a culture of rape, or at very least lies."

Your twisted.

You all should really not have listened to your professors.
Their not to be trusted.

By focusing only on the chastity of girls and not of boys (which this clearly does) there are only a few possible results:

1. The girls pledge chastity and have sex anyway: A lie.

2. The girls try to remain chaste, but the boys have sex with them anyway: Rape.

That is twisted. It's also the only logical outcome of this culture.

And you should have listened to your professors. Specifically your writing professor.

Posted by Tom | June 19, 2007 12:21 PM

Its not unreasonable for women to be expected to set a general tone of restraint and that a level of commitment be established before things get intimate.

Of coarse men should also be made aware of this ethic and be taught to respect it.

"Made aware of this ethic and taught to respect it" -- *not* practice this selfsame ethic.

Shorter Fitz: If a girl has sex, she's a dirty whore.

What's unreasonable, Fitz, is to propose the kind of double standard you do -- but given your defense of this sick practice, despite your half-assed disclaimers, one should hardly expect you to be reasonable.

And you know what I find creepy? The way Fitz keeps captializingthe F in "fathers".

Posted by Gregory | June 19, 2007 1:32 PM

Actually, the Tennyson quote is from "In Memoriam" and refers to the experience of grieving for a dead best friend - it has nothing to do with romance. Try again.

Posted by Da Poetry Man | June 19, 2007 3:51 PM