The Drug-Cougar Connection

Call me naive, but I find this a bit implausible:

Inland Fisheries and Wildlife has issued seven permits in Maine allowing people to keep mountain lions as pets. But Kemper suspects they only hint at the true numbers. "There are a number of people who own mountain lions without permits," he says. Among them: "Remember the guys who were into drugs and kept pit bulls to protect their operations? Well, from what we hear they are now seriously into mountain lions."

It's possible, of course, but doesn't this seem like way more trouble than it's worth? Training a mountain lion to serve as an effective guard sounds difficult.

Photo by Flickr user deadeyebart used under a Creative Commons license

Comments

I'd imagine even an untrained mountain lion provides a serious deterrent.

Posted by Steve | June 9, 2007 12:35 PM

The "Drug-Cougar" headline seemed to promise so much...and it ends up being a post about mountain lions. Jeebus.

Posted by SomeCallMeTim | June 9, 2007 12:39 PM

I think if I had to invent my own urban legend, it would be this.

Posted by Freddie | June 9, 2007 12:51 PM

I'd imagine even an untrained mountain lion provides a serious deterrent.

Sure, but it still seems both inferior to and more expensive than a big, scary dog.

Posted by Matthew Yglesias | June 9, 2007 1:05 PM

I only have one little plant and it hasn't even flowered yet, so I'm just getting a kitten.

Posted by Antid Oto | June 9, 2007 1:06 PM

It might be a good deterrent, but it would be dangerous to have around. When I was an undergrad at Rice, our crosstown rivals (UH) had a live cougar as their mascot. (They may still have a live cougar as their mascot for all I know.) There were a group of students who were charged with taking care of it, and it was as tame as a cougar could possibly be. And yet, there were still instances of mauling. So the supposed drug-dealer might have a fearsome "guard-cat", but that cat could turn on the dealer at any time.

That said, drug dealers might be foolish and reckless enough to do it. After all, they didn't choose to become drug dealers because of their cautious, risk-averse, conservative natures.

Posted by RWB | June 9, 2007 1:19 PM

To state the obvious, I'm sure the expense and impracticality is what appeals to them. Any two bit street hustler can have a couple of vicious pit bulls, but a lion? Now you're big time.

Posted by DJ | June 9, 2007 1:27 PM

Mountain lions? That's so lame. Pablo Escobar had hippos! Now that's badass.

Posted by Tim | June 9, 2007 1:29 PM

Looks like someone's seen Talladega Nights a few too many times.

Posted by Dave | June 9, 2007 1:33 PM

Huh, somehow my first attempt at this tripped the spamfilter. Anyway, keeping large cats as pet or guards is foolish and improbable, but hardly unprecedented: it was only a few years ago that a healthy full grown tiger was discovered in a public housing apartment in Harlem (google for "Antoine Yates" for the details and some amazing pictures of the animal being sedated by a marksman dangling outside the apartment window), and in the late 90s when my mother was working at the Philadelphia SPCA there was a similar case of a 7-month-old tiger found being kept as a pet by a drug dealer in North Philly. (Sadly, the latter tiger was much more poorly cared for and died shortly after being recovered.)

Posted by Doctor Memory | June 9, 2007 1:39 PM

" it was only a few years ago that a healthy full grown tiger was discovered in a public housing apartment in Harlem "

There was also an alligator in the bathtub.

Crazy.

In Maine, mountain lions could be useful if the moose keep eating your weed.

Posted by Jon H | June 9, 2007 1:42 PM

I suspect drug dealers would want a mountain lion more for the "wow factor" than for actual guard duty. It's a cool pet to show off to their friends, not an actual guard animal.

Posted by owenz | June 9, 2007 2:16 PM

I seem to recall a guidebook to Paris warning of dangerous, trained guard-apes in les banlieu, which seems even more far fetched.

Posted by rufustfyrfly | June 9, 2007 4:40 PM

Tony Montana had pet tigers in Scarface, didn't he?

Posted by kth | June 9, 2007 4:41 PM

Any drug dealer who saw Grandam's Boy would know that having a lion protect your shit is a recipe for disaster

Posted by Mark | June 9, 2007 6:59 PM

And that Houston Cougar's name was Shasta! She looks friendly and reliable, right?

Posted by norbizness | June 9, 2007 8:15 PM

Sometimes I think global warming is driven by decomposing bullsh*t from the Drug Wars.

Depend on it, next year there will be a bill in the statehouse for enhanced sentencing of illegal cougar owners caught with drugs. Stories will circulate of cougars high on methedrine who would eat your children, but their teeth are bad.

Reminds me of the early 90s, when a lot of people became confused about the difference between a methedrine product with the slang name of cat and the herb chewed in Somalia called kat. Laws were passed, enforcement enhanced. Strange to say, just at the time that the US was looking for reasons to invade Somalia.

Posted by serial catowner | June 9, 2007 8:21 PM

"I seem to recall a guidebook to Paris warning of dangerous, trained guard-apes in les banlieu, which seems even more far fetched."

Ah, but apes could fling poo from cover. Very effective.

Posted by Jon H | June 9, 2007 8:22 PM

I've heard that Sarastro in the 1791 premiere of the Magic Flute entered in a chariot drawn by two lions (presumably not the American kind but the bigger ones), but don't know if it's true.

Around here they use llamas as guards on some sheep ranches -- for all I know the drug growers/producers use them too. They can be pretty nasty, but usually lose to a lion.

Posted by Gene O'Grady | June 9, 2007 9:09 PM

Legalize drugs, ban lions.

Posted by mq | June 9, 2007 9:38 PM

No, a mountain lion wouldn't be that reliable a weapon, I imagine. I'm thinking maybe some drug dealers are not thoroughly rational.

There's an organization here in North Carolina called the Carnivore Preservation Trust that stays pretty busy caring for tigers, jaguars, etc. that were recovered from private owners. Some of them are psychologically shattered from the mistreatment they got, locked up in basements or wherever, kind of the Jose Padillas of the animal world. There was also an instance here of the authorities seizing a Gaboon viper from some guy's house. A deadly snake, and you'd have send out to Africa for the antivenin. People are stupid.

Posted by Dix Hill | June 10, 2007 12:16 AM

a guidebook to Paris warning of dangerous, trained guard-apes in les banlieu, which seems even more far fetched.

Guidebooks plagerized from Edger Alan Poe . . .

Posted by rea | June 10, 2007 10:09 AM

Google image "Pieter Hugo debt colection hyena". That is what the drug dealers need- not some crap cat that only very occasionally attacks a child or a jogger and can even be driven off by a determined old lady. Give me the hyena anyday.

Posted by Felipe | June 10, 2007 3:05 PM

But make sure you spell collection correctly.

Posted by Felipe | June 10, 2007 3:06 PM

Folks, it's about being impressive, not "rational" in that narrow sense. Who are they worried about taking their stuff? Not the cops or the Fish and Game.

Posted by Jim M | June 10, 2007 5:11 PM