What's a Phone For

Kevin Drum tries to make himself feel good about not owning an iPhone: "To summarize: the iPhone is expensive and fails miserably at its primary function of making telephone calls, but other than that it's really great. Sign me up!"

Seriously, though, it's true. At the same time, there strikes me as something quaint about this notion that a cell phone's primary function is "making telephone callls." Personally, I don't like talking on the phone very much. My old Razr's primary function was sending and receiving SMS messages. My new iPhone's primary function is probably as an MP3 player, with SMSing as the key secondary function. Beyond that, I use the Web browser and the Google Maps function a lot. The phone's actual "talking on the phone" functionality is unimpressive, but I don't really mind that. Indeed, I mind it a lot less than I mind the fact that it doesn't allow you to SMS to multiple people simultaneously, a flaw I fervently hope and pray will be corrected by some future software update.

At any rate, I realize that there's probably a lot of variation about this. Most people aren't nearly as phone-averse as I am. Meanwhile, thanks to the combination of the Google Calendar and Twitter, I count on a steady stream of text messages to figure out what I'm supposed to do with my life, but most people aren't living their lives like that.

Comments

I just don't want to constantly carry around something that cost $600.

Posted by Freddie | August 15, 2007 3:14 PM

At the risk of being (justly) derided for my ignorance, what does SMS mean?

Posted by scott | August 15, 2007 3:16 PM

I just don't want to constantly carry around something that cost $600.

Fair point. But I suspect that's just because you haven't internalized what the $600 buys you. In a way, it's the label "iPhone" that gets in the way. If it was marketed as an "iThing" -- a pocket computer with some JesusPhone functions bundled in, your average consumer would be somewhat closer to understanding what the iPhone is capable of. As Matt blogged earlier jealousy is an antecedent to much snark on this issue.

Posted by sangfroid826 | August 15, 2007 3:20 PM

At the same time, there strikes me as something quaint about this notion that a cell phone's primary function is "making telephone callls."

It's things like this that make you such an irritating little man.

Posted by Christmas | August 15, 2007 3:21 PM

I have an SMS button on my new phone, but actually I don't have the slightest idea what it is. Sometimes I think I'm too old for all these new toys.

Posted by Steve | August 15, 2007 3:25 PM

I just played with one for the first time an hour or so ago (didn't make any calls). Very slick little piece of gadgetry, no doubt. But I always wait for price drops before I buy electronics (I'm staring down the Playstation 3 like a cold-blooded drug lord negotiating the price of a shipment. And I'm not blinking.).

The status factor isn't worth the initial price to me, especially since it comes with the added bonus of being a guinea pig for a product whose kinks haven't been worked out yet. I drool over gadgets as much as the next guy, but I never lose sight of the fact that nobody actually NEEDS any of this stuff.

Posted by Jake H. | August 15, 2007 3:29 PM

At the risk of being (justly) derided for my ignorance, what does SMS mean?

Short message service. It's the technical name for the network service that enables text messaging.

Posted by Rhett | August 15, 2007 3:29 PM

As Matt blogged earlier jealousy is an antecedent to much snark on this issue.

You realize what an illegitimate argument that is, right? You can't access other people's jealousy. You have no way to know whether someone is jealous or not, or if their opinion is the product of jealousy or not. You can attack any criticism of any commodity by saying "You're just jealous", and it can't be refuted. It has no argumentative content.

And all of that aside, attacking people because they're just jealous of-- in other words, can't afford-- a $600 gadget is pretty fucking rude.

Posted by Freddie | August 15, 2007 3:30 PM

Don't you feel all icky subsidizing AT&T via your iPhone service in light of the fact that they intentionally censored out the politics from a Pearl Jam performance?

Posted by Curt M | August 15, 2007 3:32 PM

People can hate the idea of someone spending $600 on a "phone," but then they don't get what the iphone really is. More than a phone, or a "smartphone," the iphone is a small computer -- it really has the overall feel and function of a computer rather than any one device (phone, ipod, camera, or browser). Until you've really used it, you won't see that.

Posted by cms | August 15, 2007 3:36 PM

I recently got a Treo, essentially because I was getting tired of carrying both a phone and a PDA, and because if I had a phone I wanted it to interface with the PDA. I, too, use the phone rarely, and I'm not of the generation that does texting; but it comes in handy to check e-mail and the web if I'm in the middle of a meeting and need some quick info, or if I'm taking a break on a road trip. I, too, have Google Maps, which really came in handy last Saturday when I was in Athens, GA, and trying to find a coffee shop with Wifi, or getting lost driving back to my conference; while it doesn't have GPS navigation built in, I can use it to navigate with software and an external bluetooth device. In short, it's a dandy multi-purpose device--not a good MP3 player like the iPhone, but the battery's replaceable, and there's no hard drive to go pffft [I await word on the durability of the iPhone].

Posted by David | August 15, 2007 3:38 PM

Matt, I hear where your coming from re: hating the phone. However, this ticker of text messages running constantly through your life makes you seem like some kind of crazy Aldous Huxley character.

Posted by A Man in the Woods, in the Province of Maine, Seeking After Liberty | August 15, 2007 3:39 PM

Someone asked me to recommend 'a small laptop' for web, email and not much else. Given that sub-notebooks, especially the really light ones that are all Japanese imports, cost around $2000, the iPhone isn't that crazy a buy, especially if you're already an AT&T customer.

It surprised me to recommend it. But it's basically a wifi tablet with a built in phone, and a legitimate laptop replacement for some people who do most of their stuff in the browser.

As for mobile phone usage, I'd be happy to rely upon SMS, except that seems like most Americans over a certain age (i.e. 28) just don't know how to use it. Or find it too much effort.

Posted by pseudonymous in nc | August 15, 2007 3:59 PM

The iPhone's easy interface with gmail is the feature I use the most. Being able to download, read and respond to my email on the train, then send all the responses when I'm above ground is the thing about the iPhone that's life-changing for me. That's two hours of commuting time I can put to professional use--and two more hours I can spend with my three-month old daughter. Productivity matters. (And I'm an artist, by the way.)

That said, I do make phone calls and AT&T is a lame service.

Posted by Mark | August 15, 2007 4:02 PM

You have no way to know whether someone is jealous or not, or if their opinion is the product of jealousy or not.

Sure you can. One can observe a pattern of behavior that stems from envy rather than dispassionate analysis (especially with familiars like friends and family). For example, if they become profane when you infer the exorbitant pricetag also correlates with a remarkable functionality, the spirit of covetousness may not be completely off-base.

I know whereof I speak because I couldn't afford one and I was totally fucking jealous. This is not to say that you are, or to invalidate many of the completely legitimate criticisms. The cost is prohibitive. I never would have been able to afford one, but I have an awesome girlfriend who purchased one for me. And yeah, I feel like I'm putting a $600 wad of bills to my head every time I answer a call. It could be a uncomfortable for some.

But I got over that. Especially now. At the beach. Commenting. From my iPhone.

Posted by sangfroid826 | August 15, 2007 4:14 PM

It's incredible to me how many people comment on things without knowing the first fucking thing about it.

There's no hard drive in the iPhone. It uses flash memory, which means no moving parts.

And what's this bullshit about it not making calls well? It's absolutely the easiest, most intuitive to use PHONE I've ever had. I guess since I don't live in one of the oversaturated markets like NY or SF or DC, just out here in one of the pointless flyover states, I don't get to experience the joy that is overloaded phone networks. My calls go through, I can get online at a decent speed (so many people bitch about it not being 3G and show no appreciation for the fact that they're fucking online on their fucking cell phone, using a REAL browser! geezus, get a fucking grip!)

Calling iPhone the "JesusPhone" isn't far from the truth, but it wasn't Apple or AT&T that did that, it was the public and the pundits. iPhone is exactly what Apple and friends said it would be - an AWESOME phone, an iPod (the best one yet - again, you've got 8GB of storage on your fucking phone!! you can bitch about that being small when you show me another phone with more), and an amazing internet communication device. E-mail just works, phone calls just work, the whole shebang just works.

Fuck.

It's a great product, quit being so damn bitter that it's not perfect or you can't afford one.

Posted by just_a_dude | August 15, 2007 4:32 PM

Seriously, though, it's true. At the same time, there strikes me as something quaint about this notion that a cell phone's primary function is "making telephone callls."

Okay, I'm seriously averse to making actual telephone calls and I use my phone to text or listen to music all the time, but even I realize that a cell phone's primary purpose is still to make phone calls. After all, a Swiss army knife may be designed to function as a knife and a bottle opener, but even if you use it as a bottle opener 100% of the time and never as a knife, it's still a Swiss army knife.

And no matter how much I hate calling people, if I'm stuck in a ditch upside down in my car and need to be rescued, I'm probably not going to be asking for help via a text message.

Posted by Xanthippas | August 15, 2007 4:35 PM

Indeed, I mind it a lot less than I mind the fact that it doesn't allow you to SMS to multiple people simultaneously

There's a workaround for this, but it ain't pretty. If you know the cell phone service that your friends are on, you can email them using the iPhone's email function. Just send an email to the 10-digit phone number @ the carrier's domain:

etc...

Enter their phone numbers in your address book as email addresses, then use the iPhone's Mail program to send a mass e-mail. You don't get charged for text messages if you do this, either.

Posted by Frank Bruno | August 15, 2007 4:46 PM

Hey this is what the early adopters are for, buying the expensive buggy version. I'll wait for the next round, thank you very much. Seriously, thanks.

Posted by AJ | August 15, 2007 4:50 PM

So in other words, you've totally inoculated your personality surrogate from criticism.

I can afford one. I don't want one. And your almost sexual attachment to commodities is sad. How's that?

Posted by Freddie | August 15, 2007 4:59 PM

Like I've said before, if you want an iPhone, get one. And if it makes you happy, great. But if someone doesn't want one or-- horror of horrors!-- criticizes an iPhone, it's pandemonium. I mean people offered some very mild critiques, and it's "The sky is falling! Someone criticized the iPhone! Heretics! Madmen!" And pulling out the jealousy card is just really, really lame, and as I said, has no referent to any verifiable facts, so it has no argumentative content. If you like your iPhone, fine. Just chill. Let people who don't like them not like them. Stop being so incredibly defensive about a piece of plastic. It's just a gadget.

Posted by Freddie | August 15, 2007 5:08 PM

The Freddie doth protest too much, methinks.

Posted by sangfroid826 | August 15, 2007 5:12 PM

Being able to download, read and respond to my email on the train, then send all the responses when I'm above ground is the thing about the iPhone that's life-changing for me.

I certainly can understand how revelatory this is, but it, like a lot of the features people laud about the iPhone, has been available for a long time on other devices (many of which perform one or two of these functions better). The iPhone has a better web browser and music player than any other phone out there, and if not for the lack of GPS its GMaps app would clearly be the best navigation option, too.

But a lot of the "it's a computer! in my pocket!" stuff strikes me as a little silly. I'm glad that the slickness of the device got folks on the smartphone bandwagon, but Apple's innovation is an interface, a price point and a business stance (standing up to the carriers) -- not a paradigm.

Posted by Tom | August 15, 2007 5:30 PM

Posted by Tom | August 15, 2007 5:33 PM

The sangfroid is at the beach alone, methinks.

Posted by Freddie | August 15, 2007 5:42 PM

And yeah, I feel like I'm putting a $600 wad of bills to my head every time I answer a call. It could be a uncomfortable for some.

Think about the guy who looks at his Rolex watch just a few times a day, or someone who twists an expensive wedding or engagement ring on their finger. The iPhone is expensive, for a phone, but not more expensive than what a lot of people carry around with them.

Apple's innovation is an interface, a price point and a business stance (standing up to the carriers) -- not a paradigm.

I don't know exactly what a paradigm is, but making lots of functionality more accessible/usable than it seems to be on other devices might qualify.

Posted by RSA | August 15, 2007 5:46 PM

But if someone doesn't want one or-- horror of horrors!-- criticizes an iPhone, it's pandemonium. I mean people offered some very mild critiques, and it's "The sky is falling! Someone criticized the iPhone! Heretics! Madmen!"

This is the EXACT same schtick you employed in the infamous Harry Potter argument. People who offered the mildest criticisms of Harry Potter, or simply said they didn't read it, were supposedly attacked in the most vicious way possible. Blah, blah, blah.

Anyone who remembers that thread knows what I'm talking about.

Posted by Steve | August 15, 2007 6:12 PM

I think what, in general, Freddie was saying was that he isn't comfortable carrying around a $600 device on his person most of the time, whether it be a "mini computer" or a personal transporter device.

The phone might, and is say might with all possible emphasis, be worth $600 but I think the point was lost because people have a bizarre attachment to their material items and feel they need to defend them to the death rather than think that they got took. It could be lack of self esteem or a general psychotic tendency. The fact remains, he doesn't feel comfortable carrying around a $600 dohicky, i wouldn't either.

Posted by matt13 | August 15, 2007 6:18 PM

This is the EXACT same schtick you employed in the infamous Harry Potter argument. People who offered the mildest criticisms of Harry Potter, or simply said they didn't read it, were supposedly attacked in the most vicious way possible. Blah, blah, blah.

I would refer you, Steve, to just_a_dude's comments above, just for a taste.

And, again. I just don't want one. Just my taste.

Posted by Freddie | August 15, 2007 6:27 PM