« Well, If Feldstein Says So | Main | Edwards on Terror » Not Just Feldstein07 Sep 2007 06:04 pm Osama bin Laden promises broad, across-the-board tax cuts once we embrace the Caliphate: "To conclude," bin Laden says, "I invite you to embrace Islam." He goes on to say: "There are no taxes in Islam, but rather there is a limited Zakaat [alms] totaling 2.5 percent.” In paradise, not only do you get 76 virgins, but there's no deadweight loss. Comments (56)
Sweet. Looks like Grover Norquist has another name for his his 'taxpayer protection pledge'. 
Osama bin Laden may be on to something. He sounds like he would govern like a Republican (low taxes, no gay rights) but would sound like a Democrat (war is bad, Bush is a moron).
I think Osama may be triangulating a bit since he also came out against big corporations and global warming.
If you look at the rest of OBL`s statements, he`s clearly a Ron Paul Supporter. "you made one of your greatest mistakes, in that you neither brought to account nor punished those who waged this war, not even the most violent of its murderers, [former Defense Secretary Donald] Rumsfeld…"
All throughout the offices of the AEI and the National Review, I can see thought bubbles appearing over wingnut heads: "Hmm, maybe we've judged this Islamic extremism thing too harshly..."
It's no whackier a proposition than Alan Keyes getting in the race.
Well, bin Laden apparently views the Democrats as a useless opposition. The answer is, of course, Islam!!! Most 'interesting' about bin Laden's apparent reasoning is WHY giant corporations manipulate the USA and the world: It's because they are too committed to democracy, and only democracy is keeping the world from Islam, the true answer. So, maybe he's not an Islamo-Fascist, maybe he's an Islamo-Communist, or Islamo-Maoist, or whatever. It's just so stupid it's not even funny. So in answer to the question about the causes of the Democrats' failure to stop the war, I say: they are the same reasons which led to the failure of former president Kennedy to stop the Vietname war. Those with real power and influence have the most capital. And since the democratic system permits major corporations to back candidates, be they presidential or congressional, there shouldn't be any cause for astonishment -- and there isn't any -- in the Democrats' failure to stop the war... You get it? The way we get all our giant corporations to finally listen to us ordinary folks and do our bidding is to threaten to convert to Islam. Of course. Right. After all, it's not like any big, greedy corporations are at work in Muslim countries like Saudi Arabia, Qatar, or UAE. No, it's all workers' paradise over there. It's been six years. This is Osama bin Laden's "A" game?
This guy could be a perfect Republican nominee. Low taxes, and there's little doubt he takes the war on terror seriously.
OBL 08, He's tanned, he's rested, he's ready.
Osama bin Laden may be on to something. He sounds like he would govern like a Republican (low taxes, no gay rights) but would sound like a Democrat (war is bad, Bush is a moron). Oh my goodness, I can't believe I didn't pick up on this to begin with... Unity08, we've found your dream candidate!
Re Yglesias "In paradise, not only do you get 76 virgins, but there's no deadweight loss." Actually, you only get 72 virgins in paradise.
"In paradise, not only do you get 76 virgins, but there's no deadweight loss." And very possibly, you only get raisins: From "Virgins? What virgins?" in The Guardian
"Actually, you only get 72 virgins in paradise." Depending on the translation, you may only get 72 white raisins. That would be a real let-down, wouldn't it? But at least you get tax cuts before you die. Of course, you also get the bad schools and roads that go along with the low taxes. So maybe it's not worth it.
Damn! El Cid beat me to it.
If the Democrats don't start acting like a true opposition party, I'm voting Islam!
Well, I guess no one can accuse Bin Laden of Holocaust denial: "The holocaust of the Jews was carried out by your brethren in the middle of Europe, but had it been closer to our countries, most of the Jews would have been saved by taking refuge with us. And my proof for that is in what your brothers, the Spanish, did when they set up the horrible courts of the Inquisition to try Muslims and Jews, when the Jews only found safe shelter by taking refuge in our countries."
OBL sucks, but in a different way than, say, OAR or DMB.
Re: "Actually, you only get 72 virgins in paradise."-> Depending on the translation, you may only get 72 white raisins."
Maybe I missed it, but when I read the xscript, as beowulf pointed out, I don't think I had ever encountered the argument that had only Europe's Jews of the early 20th century left Europe to settle in Muslim lands would they have been safe from European Christian (i.e., as the Nazis would fit in OBL's ideology) persecution and genocide. Osama bin Laden appears to suggest that he wished that the Jews of Europe had come to settle in Muslim lands. Now there is an argument you don't here from radical jihadists every day.
El Cid: Well, perhaps the implication is: "we'd welcome them, provided they convert."
The last thing I would tolerate in this country is a theocracy. At the same time, any system that could REELECT George Bush/ Dick Cheney and put Lindsey Graham and Zell Miller into positions of leadership obviously has a few bugs to work out.
Yeah, I was wondering why Josh Marshall on the front page of TPM was claiming bin Laden was a bad guy, when he was quoting nothing but facts from bin Laden Basically, if you read bin Laden and dump all the Islamic religious crap - he's right about everything. The US sucks, we're idiots for letting it suck, we have no business in the Middle East, blah, blah, blah. It's all true. We just don't like the guy saying it because he's an idiot terrorist who blew up the wrong people on 9/11 (which, by the way, does mean he should get his butt shot off - which, as I've said before, I'm happy to do for the right money.) However, as for putting him the Presidential race, personally I still prefer either Putin for President and George Galloway for Vice President - or General Zod for President and Ursa for Vice President (or President of Vice, as Cheney has modified the title, and she personifies.)
El Cid: Well, perhaps the implication is: "we'd welcome them, provided they convert." Posted by Tim P. That is a possibility of sorts, although the historical periods he specifically cites as evidence (i.e., Andalucia) did not require that Jews or Christians convert. So if one followed the, er, logic directly, it doesn't sound like that's what he's saying at all. I know, I know, what the hell am I doing wasting my time on the demented rants of OBL unless they give creepy hints at future attacks, but, I dunno, guess I was curious.
Basically, if you read bin Laden and dump all the Islamic religious crap - he's right about everything. The US sucks, we're idiots for letting it suck, we have no business in the Middle East, blah, blah, blah. It's all true. His rants seem to me to carry about the same amount of "all true" as did the populist right wing militia shortwave broadcasts of the 1990s. They would make 2 points about how badly the elites were screwing us all over, points you'd find yourself surprised to agree with, then on the 3rd point they'd blame it all on the introduction of Magnesium Citrate as a laxative invented by some Jew and how everything went back to that, and if we'd only all start taking their colloidal silver we'd finally overthrow the Zionist / Masonic / Communist / UN / Hillary Clinton / Magnesoid Citratist conspiracy against us.
You guys are forgetting that Osama may be trying to trick us on taxes, just as he's trying to trick us into staying in Iraq. So when he says we should have taxes of 2.5% under an Islamic system, maybe he really wants us to raise taxes? Perhaps he remembers the economic dynamo the Great Satan was in the 1970's with 70% income tax rates and is nostalgic for that time.
Its hilarious Bin Laden is plugging Mike Scheuer's book (Scheuer was the CIA officer in charge of finding Bin Laden in the 90's). Its like Manson giving a cover blurb to a Vincent Bugliosi book. "And our holding firm to this magnificent Book is the secret of our strength and winning of the war against you despite the fewness of our numbers and materiel. And if you would like to get to know some of the reasons for your losing of your war against us, then read the book of Michael Scheuer in this regard."
Don't forget that Osama is REALLY tall. He may be more majestic than Fred Thompson.
Can I just say for the record that if I martyr myself and I show up in paradise and instead of the 72 willing, black-eyed virgins (or if you get into a bidding war with Matt 76), I see a bowl laden with shriveled dried grapes I am going to fuck someone up. I hate raisins.
The OBL political platform sounds good, except for the prohibition on alcohol. That could be problematic.
So what happens to the all those virgins in paradise once they aren't virgins? I mean, are they thrown into hell for being sluts after they are deflowered? Also, where the hell do all these virgins come from? What's so damn appealing about virgins anyway? What's this obsession with sex in the afterlife? Osama has had three wives right? It not like he isn't getting any. Back in the good old days of the Caliphate the shieks and mucky mucks had their harems, leaving many a man without a partner. Which might explain why the bigwigs with harems found it advantageous to promise women, later, to the losers in the wife competition. Carl Rove himself couldn't have come up with a better political strategy.
He may be more majestic than Fred Thompson. Anyone know if they stock Aqua Velva in the tribal areas of Pakistan?
Bill Moyers' blistering documentary on the deceitful propaganda --on both Republican and Democratic sides -- that led us into Iraq is being rerun on PBS right now. It hasn't got to my favorite part yet -- where Moyers cross-examines Peter Beinart and Peter's squeakly little voice goes up another octave as he tries to explain how he and The New Republic got it so wrong.
“We remain a hunted people. Now you think you have a destiny to fulfill in the land that historically has been ours for forty thousand years. And we’re a new Mestizo nation.” – Jose Angel Gutierrez, founder of La Raza
- African Studies professor, Dr. Kamau Kambon "The white race is a disease, and the only cure is a bullet. The rule of whites is history. Soon they will be our serfs. It's now the age of the Brown Man." - Hindu nationalist, Ramesh Sharma (2002)
- Jewish professor at Harvard University, Dr Noel Ignatiev
"His rants seem to me to carry about the same amount of "all true" as did the populist right wing militia shortwave broadcasts of the 1990s." That's why I said you have to leave out the Islamic religious crap - that's the equivalent of the right wing militia nuts. I'm not saying we should follow this guy - just understand that HE understands what the US is doing is not correct. What he wants to replace it with isn't correct, either - big surprise... More importantly, we need to understand that he doesn't "hate us for our freedoms" - even if he doesn't like our social mores or our form of government. He hates us because we suck - because of what we've done in the ME. Or more precisely, maybe he does "hate our freedoms" - but he hates us because we suck MORE - because of what we've done in the ME. And he's explicitly said he's ATTACKING us because of what we've done in the ME. If he ever got his "Muslim caliphate" (a probability on a par with my marrying Angelina Jolie - or even marrying Brad Pitt), he might want to try knocking off the US from the "superpower sweepstakes" just like the Communists did. Email me when this becomes a concern we should spend any time on. The Communists had no chance of taking over the world - and neither does bin Laden. More importantly, neither does the United States. And it's the latter that seriously thinks it could.
I stopped being afraid of monsters under my bed when I was six. Ergo, Osama bin Laden does not frighten me in the least.
I gotta note that while he is counting on Lefties to lose the war, like he did in 2004 with his "Vote Democrat!" message, he is definitely outreaching to the Republican fatcats and Grover Norquists with offers of more tax cuts for the wealthy under Islam. Next up he should try offering the dumb Christian Zionist Fundies a better deal than their Zionist manipulators now offer. "Yah mean we can kill people in abortion clinics, go right to Paradise and the offer is double the 72 Virgins if we kill a Jewish abortion cahin owner! And we can avoid the Rapture tribulations but still love Jayzus as a prophet? And all that stuff about beer and spareribs was just pre-Paradise, and Allah has full-fare barbeque! Man that sounds good! And on top of that, you say all illegal drugs are OK in the Party that is Paradise? All the Meth and Oxycotin we want and our teeth never fall out??? Gooolll-ly! Of course the Bin Laden people could be offering a good deal to blacks for Jihad. "Die killing whitey and you get 72 Virgins - all white 'hos, 72 blondes if you want, and Paradise is nothing but all the welfare you want and kicking back, Praise Allah!
What happens after you eat the 72 raisins? That sounds like a pretty lame afterlife - no wonder they switched it to virgins.
Of course the Bin Laden people could be offering a good deal to blacks for Jihad. "Die killing whitey and you get 72 Virgins - all white 'hos, 72 blondes if you want, and Paradise is nothing but all the welfare you want and kicking back, Praise Allah! Strangely, bin Laden's crazed epistle now sounds like a meditative reflection compared to our own resident colloidal antibody.
So what happens to the all those virgins in paradise once they aren't virgins? Duh - they stay virgins even after you've had sex with them. That's the awesome power of God/Allah for you - he can change the very meaning of words themselves. (And, I suppose, if it turns out to be raisins instead of virgins then they stay raisins even after you eat them. God truly is all-powerful, after all.)
But then again, OBL hit the nail on the head when he said the Democrats (i.e. the Democratic wing of the Republicratic party) have made a joke out of their supposed anti-war position.
Is it normal for white nationalists to be posting at the Atlantic? I guess they came for the fiction issue, but stayed for the politics.
It sounds to me like Bin Laden - if that really was him, which seems quite open to doubt - now spends all his time cruising the lefty and antiwar blogs and internets - ZNet, Counterpunch, Antiwar.com, American Conservative etc., sopping up the same stuff the rest of us have been reading over the past few years. Bin Laden the evil terror master has been reduced to Bin Laden, the cranky net-addict in the basement. I think we can safely pronounce the war on terror won. Can we go home now?
The world has always been absurd, but the global airing of a video by Osama bin Laden discussing the merits of Noam Chomsky and Michael Scheuer is an unprecedented peak of political surrealism.
"(And, I suppose, if it turns out to be raisins instead of virgins then they stay raisins even after you eat them. God truly is all-powerful, after all.)" What if you have sex with the raisins? I guess they're already all used up, otherwise they'd still be grapes.
So Grecian Formula Osama is pushing the flat tax now? Geez, can these people make it any more obvious? The next tape will likely have him wearing one of those defaced American flag pins that Cheney always wears (you know, the one with the big red star in the middle of the stripe field? The flag of his "alternative" government?). Tim Osman: CIA Zombie!!
What happens after you eat the 72 raisins? That sounds like a pretty lame afterlife - no wonder they switched it to virgins. Posted by blah | September 7, 2007 10:44 PM **************************** God can take care of that. In the American South it is very common for God to restore virginity, sometimes repeatedly throughout highschool. Hence the miracle of the born-again virgin.
Bin Laden the evil terror master has been reduced to Bin Laden, the cranky net-addict in the basement... Posted by Dan Kervick I think you nailed it here, and those were my same exact thoughts, that the guy has taken up websurfing. I'm actually relieved that his script was less mysterious and more blatantly idiotic, so that his rallying power to potential terrorist recruits is lessened. I can just imagine the willing suicide bomber volunteer listening to or reading this and going, 'Wait, now, what? The Americans are oppressing us because their corporations like democracy too much? What? Sheesh, I'm not following that guy into paradise!'
The best part is that for years he based his appeal on the fact that he was promising democracy to the people of countries like Saudi Arabia. Now he flip-flops? I guess they don't have too many marketing guys holed up in caves in Waziristan.
I believe that Zakaat is calculated on assets, not income. Which, given the state of indebtedness of most Americans, makes this an even better deal that it would at first appear.
This is very possibly the greatest blog thread ever. Well, the greatest non-Unfogged blog thread ever. My fellow Mississippians in the coffeehouse are annoyed by my laughing out loud, and they'd be even more annoyed if I told them what I'm laughing at.
Silly Boy, Now that's interesting--- so the Bin Laden tax plan is a wealth tax and not an income tax. Let's see 2.5% of $54 trillion of household wealth (as of last year) raises $1.35 Trillion, well shy of the $2 trillion the present tax system raises. Beyond the constitutional problems on imposing a direct federal tax on property-- it is a flat tax, it sits at the very base camp on the left slope of the Laffer Curve and it certainly starves the beast. So yeah, this is good supply side stuff.
I agree that this is quite likely the best blog thread ever. More post-modernist ironic sarcasm per column inch than a Wolcott column. And it seems to be coming from all political stripes too! It's healthy too. Make fun of a terrorist; that is the ONLY way to "win" any kind of "war" on terror.
They're not in it for the virgins. To inject a probably-inappropriate level of seriousness into the thread, I'm irked by the harping on the 72 virgins; it's great for making fun of terrorists, but gets them as wrong as thinking that Eric Rudolph was in it for the eternal harp playing. These people do what they do because they think it's right. I'm sure that sexual repression makes them easier to manipulate, but they do their atrocities in what they think is an obviously right and righteous cause, and might even consider themselves more noble if they thought God would give them no special treatment. To beat them, we must take them seriously and understand them (as one would understand a dangerous animal, no kum-ba-yah necessary). This is beyond some people, who focus on the virgins because to remember that these guys are doing what they think is right and necessary because there's a nasty corollary that begins, "I'm doing what _I_ think is right and necessary...." Some people want to believe that good intentions are all it takes to be doing the right thing...or maybe they don't want to think of the extra danger posed by people who think---no, "know"---they're right.
Sorry, that should have been ...because to remember that these guys are doing what they think is right and necessary would be to risk encountering a nasty corollary... [change emphasised].
Before voting Osama '08, I need some specifics. Will kites be banned? What about my Madonna video, Like a Houri? What brand of tent will women be required to wear? Will cheating on taxes be a hand chopping offense? Hands come in handy sometimes.
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Heads in the Sand
Considering the state of flux in the GOP Presidential field, it's really not too late for OBL to get in and have a serious shot at winning the Republican nomination.
He'd be able to espouse a more conservative foreign policy than anyone but McCain, and with his "Fair Alms" tax proposal, he'd have a more conservative economic plan than any of them.
And, of course, given his views on social issues, I think GOP voters could rely on his judicial appointments.
Posted by Petey | September 7, 2007 6:12 PM