Nickname Needed

No football on today, but Bill Simmons sure is right about Brandon Jacobs being in need of a nickname:

The Dwight Howard Award for "Guy who most needs a nickname"
We need to figure out this Brandon Jacobs thing. The nickname "Nigerian Nightmare" made Christian Okoye sound 10 times more terrifying, yet "Brandon Jacobs" sounds like someone who got expelled from boarding school for trying to steal the SAT. Even worse, you can't shorten his name ("B-Jake" doesn't work), and you definitely can't use his initials because, well, you know. So what do we do? The man clearly needs a nickname. Can we dust off "Night Train" for him? That has been dormant for a good 50 years since Dick Lane had it. Should we call him "The American Nightmare" as an homage to Okoye? At the very least, the Giants' Web site should have a nickname contest to figure this out.

Maybe we should just get over it and call him "BJ."

Comments

Let's call him Hummer.

Posted by southpaw | January 27, 2008 11:37 AM

Maulin' Brando

Posted by debutante dilettante | January 27, 2008 11:42 AM

Lets think? Jim Brown, Eric Dickerson, Larry Csonka, Emmett Smith, Barry Sanders, Earnest Byner, sorry for any and all misspelled names. Just stop with Simmons. Stop reading him, his act got old a long time ago. Nicknames come, they aren't bestowed. I just hope he pounds between the tackles for 150 on Sunday.

Posted by Peter Driscoll | January 27, 2008 11:50 AM

Actually, he already has a nickname: Giants fans on internet boards like mvn and bigblueinteractive usually call him The Beast.

The Giants' fullback, Madison Hedgecock, is affectionately (if that's the right word) known as 'Hedgepenis'.

Posted by lampwick | January 27, 2008 12:06 PM

The Giants won a Super Bowl with Joe Morris at RB. Boring names can still win.

Posted by joejoejoe | January 27, 2008 12:06 PM

He's even more right about Dwight Howard.

Posted by right | January 27, 2008 12:07 PM

I think BJ Nightmare works and would strike fear and confusion in the hearts and loins of opponents.

Posted by doug | January 27, 2008 1:29 PM

I thought Dwight Howard was the Beast of the East?

New nickname: Dwoward. Or maybe D-How(when you say How it's "ooowwww" like you got karate chopped by a chinese midget).

Posted by Abe | January 27, 2008 1:58 PM

I second 'The Beast'. That's what I've always called him, and I didn't know about its use on MVN etc. It's not particularly imaginative, but it fits Jacobs well.

Posted by NC Saint | January 27, 2008 2:24 PM

Brandon Jacobs" sounds like someone who got expelled from boarding school for trying to steal the SAT

It beats Maurice Jones-Drew, who sounds like someone who got expelled from an English boarding school for cheating on something.

Posted by J. Michael Neal | January 27, 2008 6:21 PM

From "BJ" we get just "The Bear".

Posted by Brian W | January 27, 2008 6:26 PM

It's worth noting that BJ Upton doesn't seem to have a problem with with his nickname, which is all the more notable given that his initials aren't actually BJ. Of course, BJ and all the attendant baggage might be the lesser of two evils if you're given name is Melvin Emanuel.

Posted by incompetence Dodger | January 27, 2008 8:38 PM

"The Jake" (like the stadium).

And the Jake rumbles off tackle for 6, carrying defenders with him....

Posted by stevie314159 | January 27, 2008 9:13 PM

Peter Driscoll writes: "Just stop with Simmons. Stop reading him, his act got old a long time ago. Nicknames come, they aren't bestowed. I just hope he pounds between the tackles for 150 on Sunday."

That would be nice for Giants fans, who would then see their team lose by only 10 points or so instead of 24.

Posted by MoeLarryAndJesus | January 27, 2008 10:36 PM

People call Simmons "The Remora," because he sucks so much.

Posted by Jamey | January 28, 2008 9:46 AM

Brandon "Game Clock" Jacobs.

Posted by Xanthippas | January 28, 2008 12:21 PM

debutante wins the thread

Posted by sv | January 28, 2008 1:15 PM