SOTU Prediction

Bush is going to hit this one out of the park. His detractors always forget that he's a master of oratory. As soon as he gets up there to the podium and gets a chance to explain clearly the ways in which his policies -- removing Saddam, slashing taxes, offering subsidies to business, standing up for the right to work, pulling out of treaties, keeping the fossile fuels flowing -- have contributed to the past seven years of robust economic growth (complete with four out of the five best years of the 28 year Reagan Boom) his numbers are going to start to turn around.

One problem the Republicans faced in the midterms (aside from earmarks run amok, something Bush is sure to tackle in the speech) is the long distance between November and January. During the spring and summer months the filter and the MSM's obsession with bad news out of Iraq took over. Having the presidentials all running away from Bush over the past year hasn't helped. But if Petraeus' testimony in September was one major turning point in the conservative comeback, I think tonight will go down as a second. The Democrats, hilariously, don't even see it coming.

Comments

Awesome. You do have to wonder if all of the BDS-types in the MSM will allow the actual truth to be heard. Any sort of fact that doesn't jibe with BushHitler meme will be treated exactly like doubters of global 'warming'.

Also, let's just count how many times they show Hillary Clinton smiling, as if she wasn't eating children throughout the entire speech.

What side are they on?

Posted by Thomas | January 28, 2008 7:42 PM

Huh? Was tongue firmly planted in cheek, without every really recanting? Did Matt just channel Jonah? Who hacked into this website?

Posted by Ernie Fazio | January 28, 2008 7:43 PM

Of course! Why haven't I seen it before!

Posted by James Hare | January 28, 2008 7:44 PM

Don't bogart that joint my friend
Pass it over to me

Posted by JSmith | January 28, 2008 7:46 PM

Well, 'fossile' [sic] shows it's really Matt.

Posted by pseudonymous in nc | January 28, 2008 7:48 PM

I predict that Bush will jump up on the podium, tear off his pants, bite the head off a litter of kittens and proceed to skull fuck the heads of all of the disembodied kittens.

The Congressional Democrats will debate writing a stern letter of rebuke and Chris Matthews will explain how this was good for Republicans in general and McCain in particular.

Posted by calipygian | January 28, 2008 7:50 PM

"I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. Hiatt!"

Awesome.

Posted by calling all toasters | January 28, 2008 7:54 PM

His detractors always forget that he's a master of oratory

Errr... what?

This has got to be one of those "eye of the beholder" things. Even back when he was just a gleam in the RNC's eye, I thought he was a competent speaker at best and couldn't understand what anyone saw in him. (Actually, I think my first thought on watching him speak without even knowing who he was was "frathole", which in retrospect turns out to have been a pretty accurate assessment.)

He's only a good speaker if you've never actually watched a master of the craft.

Posted by MouseJunior | January 28, 2008 7:55 PM

I think "expectations management" is supposed to be a bit more subtle than this.

Posted by Cryptic Ned | January 28, 2008 7:57 PM

*Whoosh*

;-)

Posted by Jonah G. | January 28, 2008 7:58 PM

"keeping the fossil fuels flowing"

Damn that Bush! Only a Nazi makes sure we have gas in our pumps.

Posted by Keith | January 28, 2008 7:59 PM

I'm expecting an update on that trip to Mars.

Posted by mad6798j | January 28, 2008 7:59 PM

What does any of this matter? Summer Glau is on over on Fox at the Sarah Conner Chronicles. Maybe in another clothes-free teleport sequence.

As they do on Fat Tim's Sunday show:
5..4..3..2..1
(Amazing how they don't screw that up)

Posted by Don Williams | January 28, 2008 8:00 PM

I vote tongue in cheek. A little visit to Dr Pollkatz shows no significant jumps in Bush approval in relation to SOTU, the closest you get is the coincidental capture of Saddam in late Dec.

He historically has got big bumps with Commander in Chief moments: 9/11, Fall of the Statue, Capture of Saddam, otherwise the story is steady decline to the 30% he is at for the last year.

Posted by Bruce Webb | January 28, 2008 8:03 PM

Damnit, my wireless connection keeps on picking up the Bizarro-world internet . . .

"I predict that Bush will jump up on the podium, tear off his pants, bite the head off a litter of kittens and proceed to skull fuck the heads of all of the disembodied kittens.

Predict? What do you mean, predict? Didn't you see the unedited footage of last year's SOTU?

"He historically has got big bumps with Commander in Chief moments:

Well, I'm sure he has, but that's not something I want to think about. Hearing him go on about his package is bad enough . . . .

Posted by Dan S. | January 28, 2008 8:05 PM

This has got to be some kind of joke.

Posted by Klug | January 28, 2008 8:05 PM

My prediction? Just as Bush is about to speak we hear a loud burst of music. Then Jim Ross blurts out"O my god, that's The Undertaker's music!" and right then he rises up from behind bush and we get to see the first ever Presidential Choke Slam.

Posted by Rob | January 28, 2008 8:06 PM

Without doubt Bush's massive talent for oratory will make him an historic figure who will take a rightful place among the greats. Not just the greats of American history but of all history for all time.

Posted by rapier | January 28, 2008 8:06 PM

My expectations are raised.

But hey, a friend who works for CNN says there's a rumor running through the military that they just got bin Laden, somewhere in Afghanistan. Unconfirmed, etcetera.

But if it's true and he decides to announce it -- which he might not, I imagine, even if it's true -- that would be hitting a ball out of the park.

Posted by tunder | January 28, 2008 8:10 PM

Finally, Matt has come round to sanity and patriotism! No doubt it was the success of the surge that did it...made him question all of his defeatist ways.

Sigh. Soon, we will no longer have a politics that is beyond parody. I won't miss it...not really...

Posted by mq | January 28, 2008 8:15 PM

What happens in the Fox News green room, stays in the Fox News green room.

Posted by neil | January 28, 2008 8:17 PM

"four out of the five best years of the 28 year Reagan Boom".

I realize the whole post is a parody (hopefully) but I don't understand how even a conservative could claim that. What criteria could they possibly use?

Posted by James | January 28, 2008 8:22 PM

What criteria could they possibly use?

Tax cuts. Duh.

Posted by Pooh | January 28, 2008 8:25 PM

Gentlemen, gentlemen, attend:

If any form of pleasure is exhibited
Report to me and it will be prohibited.
I'll put my foot down, so shall it be.
This is the land of the free.
The last man nearly ruined this place
He didn't know what to do with it
If you think this country's bad off now
Just wait 'til I get through with it

Posted by Gentile Man | January 28, 2008 8:28 PM

I am confused. are some of the folks in this thread actually concerned that this post was earnest? Children, he's kidding.

Matt, this is good. This is Jon Swift good.

Posted by bend | January 28, 2008 8:29 PM

A master of oratory?!?!?!
Wouldn't that require a working knowledge of the English Language.

Posted by lauren | January 28, 2008 8:32 PM

How can you possibly read the first sentence and not know MY was joking? I mean, what does he need to do, include a jpeg of a wink?

Posted by Jake | January 28, 2008 8:33 PM

its all clear now...I LOVE Big Brother...

Posted by Matt | January 28, 2008 8:38 PM

Well said, Matthew. It is moments like this, when President Bush is able to articulate his own vision, that the MSM doesn't even stand a chance.

I predict a major boost in the president's approval ratings after this speech, perhaps taking him up to 40% or even higher.

Posted by sweaty guy | January 28, 2008 8:38 PM

But hey, a friend who works for CNN says there's a rumor running through the military that they just got bin Laden, somewhere in Afghanistan.

If they got him in AFGHANISTAN that would be the mother of all ironies. May it be true.

Posted by Steve | January 28, 2008 8:39 PM

Everyone os forgetting something. Shrub is pretty good when he has a set speech. It's when he goes off the cuff that he's a fish out of water. When he sticks to the script, he can be fairly effective.

Posted by Joe Klein's conscience | January 28, 2008 8:41 PM

Matt, are you auditioning for a spot on the Corner with Jonah Lucianne?

If so, you got the gig.

Posted by gregor | January 28, 2008 8:42 PM

I think it will be tough to top the "America is addicted to oil" line, where he basically called the Saudis drug dealers.

Posted by Jake | January 28, 2008 8:44 PM

Matt is right. Bush's soaring rhetoric inspires as much as it illuminates. Another implication the press is sure to ignore: how the SOTU boosts Rudy Giuliani's ingenious candidacy. Surely, once American Samoa jumps on the Rudy bandwagon, the momentum, now and forever, will be with RUDY!

Posted by Ryan W. | January 28, 2008 8:46 PM

I realize the whole post is a parody (hopefully) but I don't understand how even a conservative could claim that. What criteria could they possibly use?

If a statement aids the movement, its truth is undeniable.

Your liberal bourgeois fascist faith in the objectively knowable "truth" has blinded you to the higher revolutionary truth.

Posted by DivGuy | January 28, 2008 8:48 PM

How can you possibly read the first sentence and not know MY was joking?

I claim exemption on the grounds of having spent a chunk of the weekend with someone who actually agrees with this. One of the 26% of people who think Shrubbie's doing a superfantastic! job.

Apparently it's done something bad to my sanity (or what I like to think of as my sanity; other people sometimes disagree).

Posted by MouseJunior | January 28, 2008 8:50 PM

I think all of you pilers on forget, "Being President is hard." GWB in his debate with JK 2004. He convinced a majority and was re elected.

Posted by jim | January 28, 2008 8:55 PM

Huh?

Posted by JC | January 28, 2008 9:01 PM

Now it can be told. Matt Yglesias and Bill Kristol are one and the same person.

Posted by Independent | January 28, 2008 9:08 PM

I realize the whole post is a parody (hopefully) but I don't understand how even a conservative could claim that. What criteria could they possibly use?

Criteria? Are you serious? You don't need criteria when you govern from the gut. Silly child.

Posted by Jake | January 28, 2008 9:09 PM

Shortly after posting the "Welfare" piece, it dawns on Matt what a fine income the wingnuts are pulling down, and starts batting for the other team. Next stop, cigars at the Knickerbocker Club.

Posted by cmholm | January 28, 2008 9:14 PM

MY, I think that 8-ball you got off of Craigslist was tainted. You need to be careful about that shit man.

Posted by Reality Man | January 28, 2008 9:21 PM

Re: As soon as he gets up there to the podium and gets a chance to explain clearly ... his numbers are going to start to turn around.

Really? I don't recall his numbers turning around last year or the year before. And in 2005 his numbers began their descent when he proposed Social Security privatization.
Bush is NOT a "master of oratory". Certainly not the way Ronald Reagan was, who deserved his title of "Great Communicator". Bush has the typical politician's skill of being able to deliver a good speech and that's about it.

Re: But if Petraeus' testimony in September was one major turning point in the conservative comeback

Are you in a different reality? What "conservative comeback"? The country is just as disenchanted with Bush and his policies as they were a year ago-- more in fact since now a sour economy has been added to the mix.

Posted by JonF | January 28, 2008 9:30 PM

Matt's bitter today. I like it. He'd look good in a cape. Kermit in a cape.

Posted by M | January 28, 2008 9:32 PM

A couple of years ago this post would have won an Yglesias award over at Sullivan. Now you'd need to target Hillary to be in the running.

Posted by Curt M | January 28, 2008 9:49 PM

I guess Matt's reader base isn't the brightest bunch on the net...

Posted by Nick | January 28, 2008 10:06 PM

JonF has definitively debunked Matt's take on the SOTU!

Posted by mq | January 28, 2008 11:56 PM

Matt, are you auditioning for a spot on the Corner with Jonah Lucianne?

Oh, it was more Powerline-esque.

Posted by pseudonymous in nc | January 29, 2008 12:03 AM

Ah hah! Matt is alerting us to the fact that he was captured by ninjas at Fox News Sunday and brainwashed into being a "liberal Manchurian Candidate"!

But it didn't take completely - no doubt due to the off-brand tech embedded in his head (or maybe the crack pipe) - so this is his way of warning us!

Just wait until you see the next "Table" episode, where he smooches Ross Douthat a big one! That should clue everybody in!

Posted by Richard Steven Hack | January 29, 2008 2:16 AM