Captain Amnesty

Immigration hater Mark Krikorian passes on rumors that John McCain may be working the phones to try to block some anti-immigration legislation in the House: "An unnamed McCain staff member denies it, but given Amnesty John's track record, that denial is not persuasive."

"Amnesty John" is all wrong. He's either "Juan McCain" or else he's "Captain Amnesty" -- let's get this stuff straight, "Amnesty John" isn't any kind of joke at all. Recall the lyrics. Restrictionists, I only kid because I love . . . everyone knows dudes with Spanish last names can never assimilate and must be stopped at all costs.

Comments

"Amnesty John" is all wrong.

It's "Neocon John."

Posted by SomeCallMeTim | March 27, 2008 3:32 PM

I like Admiral Angrypants myself...

Posted by Madorsky | March 27, 2008 3:37 PM

"everyone knows dudes with Spanish last names can never assimilate and must be stopped at all costs."

If we were being flooded with Jews with 140 IQs who happened to have Spanish last names (i.e., Matt Yglesiases), I don't think you'd see the same worries about assimilation or lowering wages for unskilled labor. We might hear whines about lowering the wages for D.C. pundits, but that's another story. Unlike most Mexican immigrants, your great grand children will probably manage to graduate high school.

Posted by Juan | March 27, 2008 3:59 PM

Jumping off of Juan's comments, I'm a bit surprised that the immigration issue didn't blossom into a more widespread political issue. It's not just lower unskilled populist types who have reason (instinct) to oppose immigration (or immigrants) but well educated people and African-Americans who compete against the children of skilled Asian immigrants and skilled African immigrants who disproportionately swamp out American born African-Americans as beneficiaries of affirmative action.

Posted by Robert | March 27, 2008 4:17 PM

It's always funny that the biggest ladder-pullers come in under monikers like 'Juan' or 'Krikorian'; the latter of whom would be panhandling, were the borders closed, since his six-figure wingnut welfare sinecure depends on it.

Of course, this particular bill is an attempt by Heath Shuler, the Dumbest House Democrat, to cement his credentials among the nativists in his 91.2% white, 2.6% Hispanic district. After all, it's not as if there are more pressing needs, when there are Birchers in Henderson County to placate.

(Expect the ever-tedious Kellybot to arrive in 5...4...)

Posted by pseudonymous in nc | March 27, 2008 4:30 PM

I've always thought a better nickname would have been "Panama Jack" in order to play up McCain's Latino birthplace.

Not only is the whole "Captain Anarchy" referrant pretty obscure (especially to the people you want pissed off about McCain's views) but when you parse the lyrics of the song, you realize Captain Anarchy doesn't really live up to his self-image. Democrats should want xenophobes to think a President McCain is going to stand at the border crossing in Laredo handing out greencards by the busload.

Posted by jlw | March 27, 2008 4:37 PM

Just what exactly are Captain Amensty's powers? What's his secret origin? Who's his arch nemesis?

Posted by Shawn | March 27, 2008 4:38 PM

I already showed why MattY can't be trusted on this matter, do a find for TLB on this previous thread:

matthewyglesias.theatlantic.com/archives/2008/03/the_false_promise_of_restricti.php

I'd be more than willing to completely discredit MattY should he ever be willing to debate me on this issue.

Click my name and look through my archives to see all the things that MattY doesn't know.

Posted by TLB | March 27, 2008 4:43 PM

I'd be more than willing to completely discredit MattY should he ever be willing to debate me on this issue.

Caveat: said debate must take place under LBT's bed, because he ain't going out where Teh Scary Brown Menace lurks.

It is to laugh.

Posted by pseudonymous in nc | March 27, 2008 4:54 PM

everyone knows dudes with Spanish last names can never assimilate and must be stopped at all costs.

Jewish dudes with Gallego last names are, of course, another story ;)

Posted by DAS | March 27, 2008 5:04 PM

If we were being flooded with Jews with 140 IQs who happened to have Spanish last names (i.e., Matt Yglesiases), I don't think you'd see the same worries about assimilation or lowering wages for unskilled labor.

Because, of course, the first of Matt's Cuban ancestors came to the United States Jewish and pre-assimilated, you tedious halfwit.

Posted by Quarterican | March 27, 2008 5:55 PM

Nothing much seems to be happening here, so here's my discussion of some of the ways Kos is wrong. Unlike MattY, instead of just throwing out some lightweight offal, Kos at least tried to come up with an argument. He completely failed, but at least he tried.

Posted by TLB | March 27, 2008 6:18 PM

Actually, my name for him is Nukem McAmnesty.

Posted by Glaivester | March 27, 2008 6:26 PM

Unlike most Mexican immigrants, your great grand children will probably manage to graduate high school.

The great-grandchildren of most "Mexican" immigrants will indeed graduate high school; don't confuse relatively continuous levels of low-ed, low-income immigration with failure of successive generations to improve.

Posted by Cala | March 27, 2008 6:52 PM

"The great-grandchildren of most "Mexican" immigrants will indeed graduate high school; don't confuse relatively continuous levels of low-ed, low-income immigration with failure of successive generations to improve."

You're right: a whopping 60% of fourth-generation Mexican-Americans graduate high school. My mistake.

Posted by Juan | March 27, 2008 6:58 PM

You're right: a whopping 60% of fourth-generation Mexican-Americans graduate high school. My mistake.

That's actually pretty good. In fact, it's much better than most ethnic groups whose ancestors have been in the US *much* longer than a mere four generations: Blacks have only a 50% graduation rate, as do Native Americans.

The real reason for the poor graduation rates of all three groups is *poverty*, not race.

Posted by Shadow Wolf | March 27, 2008 8:54 PM

"That's actually pretty good. In fact, it's much better than most ethnic groups whose ancestors have been in the US *much* longer than a mere four generations: Blacks have only a 50% graduation rate, as do Native Americans."

Great, they're doing better than blacks and Native Americans. I don't know if that counts as "most" ethnic groups though. Fourth generation Mexican-Americans lag fourth-generation Chinese-, Irish-, Italian-, Jewish-, Polish-, and German-Americans by miles in socioeconomic and educational attainment.

"The real reason for the poor graduation rates of all three groups is *poverty*, not race."

Right: Native Americans and Blacks are dropping out of high school to get jobs. That's why their teen unemployment rates are so low. Even you can't believe the stuff you're spouting here.

Posted by Juan | March 27, 2008 9:11 PM

"Restrictionists, I only kid because I love . . . everyone knows dudes with Spanish last names can never assimilate and must be stopped at all costs."

You make a funny, but I've seen too much of greater LA and southern AZ to labor under the illusion that "Spaniards" can't or won't assimilate.

Rather than go on about the devaluation of labor, citizenship, and cultural alienation, let's try another tack: would Central America be terrorized by MS and M18 if we hadn't encouraged the rapid growth of a vast undocumented immigrant underclass, trained them in prison, and then deported them back "home"?

Give me your tired, your poor,. Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,. The wretched refuse of your teeming shore,. We will render them seriously bad ass, and give them back.

Posted by cmholm | March 27, 2008 9:20 PM

cmholm: I don't seem to recall encouraging "rapid growth of a vast undocumented immigrant underclass". Perhaps you're referring to those - like MattY and his handlers - who oppose enforcement. Short of completely open borders, enforcing the law is the only way to prevent such an underclass growing. Yet, hacks like MattY do their part trying to prevent enforcement.

Shadow Wolf says: The real reason for the poor graduation rates of all three groups is *poverty*, not race.

A good part of the low rate is cultural. It's absurd that anyone could try to ignore that or try to pretend that poverty is all it could be.

And, "liberal" hacks like MattY are encouraging the growth of another pernicious cultural trait: opposition to our laws. There are huge social implications from allowing millions of people to come here who then think the laws don't apply to them, yet as long as someone's making money and gaining power off it hacks like MattY don't care.

Posted by TLB | March 27, 2008 10:04 PM

everyone knows dudes with Spanish last names can never assimilate and must be stopped at all costs.

If your kind had been any good at assimilating, you'd be a Catholic living in Madrid and wondering why your mother goes down into the basement to light candles on Friday nights.

Posted by brooksfoe | March 27, 2008 10:21 PM

"If your kind had been any good at assimilating, you'd be a Catholic living in Madrid and wondering why your mother goes down into the basement to light candles on Friday nights."

After he found out, he'd be singing "Zog Moran"

Posted by Fred | March 27, 2008 10:44 PM

Hmmm... Krikorian, that sounds foreign. Someone check his papers. Can't be too sure these days.

Posted by Civilized Crank | March 27, 2008 11:33 PM

I'm kind of partial to the NVAs only Ace.

Posted by merlallen | March 28, 2008 3:31 AM

Juan = Fred, when he wants to look less like an old bigot.

BLT = sad ladder-pulling shut-in who survives on bluster, blogwhoring and appealing to white supremacists at his piece o'shit sites. The Dollar General Lou Dobbs.

Posted by pseudonymous in nc | March 28, 2008 10:48 AM

'Krikorian' sounds Armenian. Remember, those are the guys who helped us beat back the Jihad for a thousand years.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Armenian_Kingdom_of_Cilicia

Let 'em in. :)

Posted by Hector | March 28, 2008 3:59 PM