The Phone Call

Megan Hustan bemoans the decline of the phone call as a tool of business. Apparently she learned vital skills while eavesdropping and first made a mark for herself as a placer-of-phone-calls for her boss. Personally, I couldn't be more thrilled with the phone's decline. I used to be painfully shy as a person, and while I've largely gotten over that IRL I still find it incredibly stressful to talk to people on the phone.

Instead, I email. I SMS. I blog. I Twitter. I write on Facebook wall pages. I use IM and GChat constantly. Anything but the phone. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way, and in the years to come we phone-haters will inherit the earth. I call it progress.

Comments

Ah, but what about the 3 am phone call, eh? That's still crucial!

Posted by Steve LaBonne | March 10, 2008 12:26 PM

I hate the phone, too. Hate it, hate it, hate it. Get nervous before I call and often just avoid it altogether. Is this a generational phenomenon? Or did our generation (I'm 24) just not have to get over it, thanks to email, sms, etc.?

Posted by Dalton | March 10, 2008 12:28 PM

I like electronic communication because I don't want to hear your shit. Just let me say what I gotta say and I'm done.

I don't really like people.

Posted by Brent | March 10, 2008 12:33 PM

Hell yes.

Posted by Bave Dee | March 10, 2008 12:33 PM

We're going to see a lot more of this sort of thing-- the people who were the successful bottom-feeders at jobs requiring phone skills -- telemarketers, cold-calling sales reps, and the like -- are going to start complaining that the decline of telephone communication has resulted in something "lost" in our culture.

In reality, these are people who just took advantage of a technology and used it for terrible, terrible ends -- uninvited intrusion -- and turned out to be able to use it to great personal benefit. I suppose it sucks that they've lost part of their livelihood, but the truth is that it was built on taking away our privacy and peace and quiet in exchange for the opportunity to be harassed by phone-hustlers.

Posted by Tyro | March 10, 2008 12:34 PM

And yet you still dropped X hundred dollars on an iPhone?

Posted by Al | March 10, 2008 12:34 PM

So, actual hearing of another human's voice causes you panic? Having to listen and respond in the moment a bit much for a Harvard magna cum laude?

Posted by steve duncan | March 10, 2008 12:34 PM

My answering machine message says: email me, asshole.

Posted by Jake | March 10, 2008 12:36 PM

I totally agree.

Posted by IMU | March 10, 2008 12:37 PM

Leaving a voicemail for any reason in 2008 is unconscionable.

Posted by Brendan | March 10, 2008 12:42 PM

This is really common, I've talked to people of all types/ages who hate the phone. IF you are a bit introverted in any case, having to communicate without any emotional cues or interaction is a nightmare.

I still plan out everything I am going to say on a phone call.

Posted by CalDem | March 10, 2008 12:47 PM

Ha, I thought I was the only one.

Posted by Matthew Tievsky | March 10, 2008 12:47 PM

anyone else worried that a so-called pundit is scared of the telephone??

Posted by dent | March 10, 2008 12:48 PM

Matt, do you also have an irrational phobia about speaking with people and doing business with them in person?

Posted by Dan Kervick | March 10, 2008 12:50 PM

I get those phone nerves too, but I can't help but think how completely irrational it is. Would anyone care to weigh in on why phone talking is more nerve-inducing than face to face talking?

Posted by Chris O. | March 10, 2008 12:51 PM

I'm not so crazy about the phone, either. But for business, it still has productivity and speed advantages over other ways of communicating. I don't think it will ever be replaced.

Posted by Jasper | March 10, 2008 12:51 PM

Yes, I suppose the phone is for the lowly classes. Funny how one's choice of communication devices has become a class-based experience. Maybe, with a progressive in the White House, we can all have high speed Internets access along with the laptop to chat at any time or place. Your post is a waste of cyber-energy or something, people are dying in Iraq, among other places, & this comment is a waste as well.

Posted by coldH2Owi | March 10, 2008 12:53 PM

And yet you still dropped X hundred dollars on an iPhone?

Who uses their iPhone for actual phoning?

Posted by Richard Banville | March 10, 2008 12:54 PM

Haven't you kind of missed one of her main points? That facing that little challenge hundreds and eventually thousands of times is a good thing, and adds to the talent - a talent that it's good to develop - of being more or less fearless when facing or confronting people one on one. It was a lengthy piece, but I thought that point was a very good one - we're letting ourselves off the hook - heh - when it would do us good to exercise that muscle.

Posted by Terry | March 10, 2008 12:54 PM

I generally prefer to email, HOWEVER, there are people I work with who are horrible emailers in the sense that they just can't help themselves from writing something that sounds really snooty. They don't necessarily intend for the tone to come across that way, but it always does. With those people, I make sure to use the phone to avoid any misunderstandings.

Email is more convenient, but the inability to always convey your tone of "voice" is a big problem, and I've seen a lot of stupid arguments turn into major situations that way.

Posted by Dave J. | March 10, 2008 12:57 PM

I agree with CalDem - I think the phone is more difficult for introverted people who do better face to face where we can pick up non verbal cues. In work situations I usually try in person first, then e-mail and go to phone if all else fails. This will be a real challenge for me if we start to telecommute more, I'll be forced to use the phone!

Posted by justme | March 10, 2008 12:57 PM

"This is really common, I've talked to people of all types/ages who hate the phone. IF you are a bit introverted in any case, having to communicate without any emotional cues or interaction is a nightmare."

I second this. Also, the sound quality is never perfect, so there is a often a bit of "could you repeat that?" Also, if you communicate a lot non-verbally (at least more than most people), then you feel almost mute on the phone. It's also a lot harder to keep someone's attention occupied when there is only sound, as opposed to being in a room with a person or chatting online, during which you know the person is multitasking. Then again, if you're like me and have some friends who like to talk on the phone a lot and love the sound of their own voice, you can go around the city doing your errands with them yapping away none the wiser. I have one friend who yammers away while people put the phone aside for a few minutes and she doesn't even realize nobody else is on the other line.

A friend of mine said a little while ago that I was an extrovert. I've gotten a lot better than when I was a kid and I'm comfortable around her because we've been friends for a little while, but that also just points out how many people who major in social sciences or hard sciences / engineering are extremely introverted.

Posted by Reality Man | March 10, 2008 12:57 PM

It's "Megan Hustad" not "Hustan"

I agree with you about the phone, though I don't have the anxiety problem. Email you fit into your day -- the phone always interrupts what you're doing. And VMs result in phone tag, which is a worthless and frustrating waste of time.

Posted by Colin Rule | March 10, 2008 12:58 PM

For personal communication I like phone calls -- its nice to hear my wife's or my freids' voices.

For business -- I want an email. I don't want any confusion about what was said to me, what i was told to do, what questions I was asked, etc. My clients that still call are the ones that like to , er, forget, ahem, asking me to do billable work...

Posted by Marcus Wellby | March 10, 2008 12:59 PM

Terry, also, chopping wood to heat your house builds character! And walking to school in the cold helps build strong bones!

The article was just the lament of a person who was forced to use the phone and got good at it. Nowhere to be heard from are the people who couldn't have her job because the process of phonecall-based confrontations was something they did not want to do. I'm sure someone who became a huge success at telemarketing would be willing to say how tragic it was that so many people would miss out on learning necessary talents in the post-Do-Not-Call-List-era, too.

Posted by Tyro | March 10, 2008 12:59 PM

Wow, what's with all the anger?

"I don't want to hear your shit."
"My answering machine message says, e-mail me, asshole."
Leaving voicemail is "unconscionable."

Are you all the same people who live in a place for years but never actually speak to your neighbors?

Posted by John R. | March 10, 2008 1:02 PM

I too much prefer e-mail for doing business rather than the phone: I can be shy myself IRL, and the phone is too close to being IRL for my tastes ... and actually it's worse: my considerable charm (which I am told I have) really doesn't come accross over the phone and what comes across is only my Elmer-Fudd-esque mode of speaking.

Moreover, in person you get certain cues both visually and in terms of tone of voice (the former not available over telephone, the latter being largely blocked via the low fidelity of telephony) that you can't get over the phone ... and while you can't get them over e-mail either, the phone lulls you into thinking you can get cues (of voice tone) that you really can't, so it can get you into trouble (or make someone like me too paranoid to be effective over the phone).

Also, if you work in a shared work environment, talking on the phone can distract your coworkers, so you have to go outside to talk, while e-mail can be done from your desk. Also, half the time when you call someone, you have to leave a message anyway and play telephone tag, so the real time aspect of telephony is lost. So why not e-mail?

OTOH, when it comes to communicating with my friends and family out of town, I just lurve me my phone. My best friend from school is in OH; my wife and step-daughter are in NYC, my parents and brother are in So and Nor Cal respectively -- I can call them up, talk for hours on end (provided the calls are in my cell phone network or after 9:00 PM) and feel like my loved ones are right next door.

And they all know me well enough to know when I'm joking, etc., so there is no worry about being misunderstood. And I know them well enough to know their schedules ... usually ... so there isn't usually too much telephone tag.

Posted by DAS | March 10, 2008 1:03 PM

I didn't know there were so many other people who hated to communicate via telephone.

So this is what it sounds like when doves cry.

Posted by Paul | March 10, 2008 1:03 PM

Wow, what's with all the anger?

"I don't want to hear your shit."
"My answering machine message says, e-mail me, asshole."
Leaving voicemail is "unconscionable."

Are you all the same people who live in a place for years but never actually speak to your neighbors?

Posted by John R. | March 10, 2008 1:04 PM

I didn't know there were so many other people who hated to communicate via telephone.

So this is what it sounds like when doves cry.

Posted by Paul | March 10, 2008 1:04 PM

I dread making and receiving telephone calls. I really do suspect this fear is an extension of my shy nature. The fear has been so bad that in the past I actually went over a year without installing phone service in my home (we're talking the early 90s, pre-cell phone). I finally broke down when I started working for a dial-up internet ISP, and needed to dial in occasionally.

And phones that can follow you around and annoy you wherever you go? I finally bought a pay-as-you-go cell phone a few months ago. That's mostly because I ride my bicycle long distances into the desert from time to time. But I haven't given out this cell phone number to anybody. (Funny, though, there's a woman calling me on a recording who somehow knows my car warrantee is about to expire.. How does she know? And where's this car I am supposed to own?)

I am glad to see at least a few others with a dislike for phones.

Posted by Jim W. | March 10, 2008 1:05 PM

And yet you still dropped X hundred dollars on an iPhone?

A hint, Al: you know how the ads for the iPhone that are all, 'oh, and it's a phone as well'? Well, that's what the iPhone is.

Without the phone, I wouldn't be in touch with my technophobe parents. But personal calls are different from work calls, and work calls are generally a pain.

Posted by pseudonymous in nc | March 10, 2008 1:05 PM

Wow, I never knew Steve Duncan had so many sock puppets.

Posted by Phoenix Woman | March 10, 2008 1:08 PM

My experience is just the opposite: for immediate, get it done results, the telephone rules. Email is not only passive agressive (particularly users that do a 'read receipt') it is a time waster. You have to write it and wait for it to be read and replied. Whole days can be wasted on something that can be resolved in 1 minute over the phone. The telephone will never be replaced. There is no comparison. Which do you like more - to hear from and talk to a friend or family on the phone or get an email from them?

Posted by Sinomania! | March 10, 2008 1:11 PM

I agree with Dave J. The 'tone' issues are rarely an issue on a phone call, but can lead to ugly scenes via email. Some people's email etiquette is horrible and is completely different from their real world personality.

Phone and people skills have their place and I think those who have those skills will still benefit from them. Email is definitely more convenient and allows you to not have to remember every word on dozens of phone calls over a week. That said, I think a well placed, strategic phone call can be a real boon when dealing with most people. As email takes over, most of us regret the lost human interaction and a phone call to sum up a meeting, apologize, congratulate, or check in can give you a big advantage over those who avoid it. Gossip, often the most important tool in personal and business dealings, is also something that is generally more usefully gleaned and honed on the phone or in person rather than through email!

Posted by Ricky | March 10, 2008 1:11 PM

I will have no fear!
I will face my fear!
Fear is the mindkiller!

Posted by freddiemac | March 10, 2008 1:12 PM

God, thank you. I *despise* phone calls. Timewise, they're about 1/10th the efficiency of SMS/e-mail, plus there's the whole nervousness thing about the immediacy of calling. I vastly prefer text, because I can frame my words a lot better. It's not just a generational thing, either, because I'm in my 40s. Oh, and I drop X hundred dollars on phones fairly regularly, but not for their voice calling ability! I mean, the freebie phones they give you can make voice calls just fine. I demand advanced communication features, ones that don't insist I listen to people ramble.

Posted by biff3000 | March 10, 2008 1:12 PM

My experience is just the opposite: for immediate, get it done results, the telephone rules. Email is not only passive agressive (particularly users that do a 'read receipt') it is a time waster. You have to write it and wait for it to be read and replied. Whole days can be wasted on something that can be resolved in 1 minute over the phone. The telephone will never be replaced. There is no comparison. Which do you like more - to hear from and talk to a friend or family on the phone or get an email from them?

Posted by Sinomania! | March 10, 2008 1:12 PM

IF you are a bit introverted in any case, having to communicate without any emotional cues or interaction is a nightmare.

That's a big part of it, especially if you need to communicate something delicate, or just complicated. I don't have any inhibitions about talking to people face to face, so hating the telephone isn't a matter of being antisocial.

Another part of it is the occasional difficulty of reaching a mutually satisfactory agreement with the other party to hang up. My late mother loathed the phone because she wasn't naturally assertive enough to take the lead in ending a phone call with someone who wanted to keep chatting; she was afraid of hurting their feelings. She was also reluctant to initiate a call for fear she'd be bothering the other person.

My sister and I (59 and 66, respectively) are much more assertive, but we have both very happily switched over to email for most of our communications, including with each other. So there's clearly some discomfort involved in using the phone that we prefer to avoid.

Posted by Swift Loris | March 10, 2008 1:12 PM

Another crappy thing about phones, especially when living abroad in a city of 15 million, is that pretty much every other morning around 4 AM I get woken up by wrong numbers. It's never the same person, so I can't get them to stop calling. There's few joys in life like yelling at a wrong number at 4 AM in Mandarin and trying to understand Mandarin at 4 AM. Chinese is even harder, as a foreigner, to understand over the phone.

Posted by Reality Man | March 10, 2008 1:13 PM

And VMs result in phone tag, which is a worthless and frustrating waste of time.

Unless, of course, you hate talking to people on the phone - in which case phone tag is the best case, because while playing phone tag, you can send an email, and get the business done without actually speaking with the other party on the phone.

Posted by kenga | March 10, 2008 1:13 PM

I, also, prefer in-person or e-mail communication over phoning. And it's not just the visual cues issue (you don't have them with e-mail, either). It's that I never know if my call will be welcome. The person may be busy, distracted, sad, or trying to chew a peanut butter sandwich. With e-mail, the recipient can espond when it's convenient.

Posted by snarkworth | March 10, 2008 1:13 PM

I also agree that it has a lot to do with not having the non-verbal cues, although, at least in my case, I worry about people not understanding me more than me not understanding them. I'm pretty introverted and not a big talker, so I think my personality, to the extent that I show it, comes out in mannerisms more than what I actually say. But when it comes to work I am more comfortable, or at least have trained myself to be. I don't need non-verbal cues because my personality is irrelevant, everything that needs to be communicated can be done with words. Maybe this depends on your job though. Ironically, being more at ease probably actually makes me more personable on business calls than personal calls.

Posted by ibid | March 10, 2008 1:14 PM

My experience is just the opposite: for immediate, get it done results, the telephone rules. Email is not only passive agressive (particularly users that do a 'read receipt') it is a time waster. You have to write it and wait for it to be read and replied. Whole days can be wasted on something that can be resolved in 1 minute over the phone. The telephone will never be replaced. There is no comparison. Which do you like more - to hear from and talk to a friend or family on the phone or get an email from them?

Posted by Sinomania! | March 10, 2008 1:14 PM

I feel very much the same way.

Posted by Steve W. | March 10, 2008 1:14 PM

Phone calls should be handled more like email. All calls go into a live queue so the recipient can "answer" when or where he/she wants. Phone calls are naturally intrusive, this lets the recipient respond within his or her comfort zone. The person originating the call would pick up when the recipient picks up their queued call. If they didn't want to remain in the queue, they could leave a voice message and/or a voice to email message. It would require some automated routing of calls within one's phone network of cell, home, business, landlines, etc. but at least the intrusive nature of the phone call would be diminished.

Posted by ooglyboogly | March 10, 2008 1:20 PM

This site is just like a big, friendly support group, and I want to congratulate MattY for sharing. Keep on coming back!

Posted by TLB | March 10, 2008 1:23 PM

I think Matt fell asleep during an old "Seinfeld" episode and imagines this phobia. He also can only eat chocolates as he plucks them off a conveyer belt. Plus we're all really tired of him telling everyone the neighbor's pig got drafted.

Posted by steve duncan | March 10, 2008 1:24 PM

I can see how, for a writer, email might be more efficient, but when your day to day job (like mine) depends on getting things negotiated, nothing gets it done better than the phone or in person meetings. Emails drag on and on and on, especially if, like me, you get 100+ emails a day and have no time to read them all.

Posted by Alex Knapp | March 10, 2008 1:26 PM

I think the reasons Sinomania likes the phone are the reasons I dislike it.

Sino wants to call because he doesn't want to have to wait. I don't want to get Sino's call because people who call you on the phone expect you to drop whatever you are doing and work on their problem.

I also find that people who call on the phone are more likely to be trying to use the pressure and immediacy of a phone call to get me to trip me up and get me to agree to something I wouldn't ordinarily agree to, or are trying to create ambiguity about the same issue.

If you email me, I will still work on your issue - I'll just do it in its proper turn, in the way most efficient for me, with no ambiguity and with clear, written requests and responses and no hedging.

Posted by Brian | March 10, 2008 1:28 PM

Oh, dear GOD yes; I absolutely loathe telephones. A telephone conversation is a hackneyed and barbaric parody of actual human interaction. To para-quote an Old Hollywood actress (whose identity escapes me at the moment): "All telephone calls are obscene."

I actually went a good three years or more without a phone at one point during the early part of this century (once I finally got two-way cable broadband to my house), and aside from the fact that people viewed me as some kind of weirdo for it, I was perfectly happy with the arrangement. I now keep a cell phone for emergency and business purposes only; but I'd take a sledgehammer to it in a shot if someone could provide me with functional replacement for those personal requirements.

Posted by Nemoudeis | March 10, 2008 1:28 PM

Sorry- I just can't jump on board (heh), with the phone phobia bandwagon. Alternatives are so slow, require too much input, and lose that wonderful emotional content of a real voice. And I'm a technophile with fast typing/texting skilz- send me all the data you wish. But if you have something to say, pick up the damn phone.

Posted by fourwindsbar | March 10, 2008 1:29 PM

Tyro may be overstating the degree to which telemarketers exploit the telephone "to great personal benefit"; by all accounts this kind of telephone work is incredibly soul-draining, and it certainly doesn't pay well.

I think CalDem is on the right track, that there really is something unnatural—in the sense of it not being something most of us get a whole lot of practice at as our young brains are developing—about communicating with disembodied voices. The additional cognitive effort that must be supplied relative to regular face-to-face encounters can only be fatiguing to most people.

Posted by tps12 | March 10, 2008 1:29 PM

tps12, yes, I am. I was referring only to the subset of people who are good at it.

I have great sympathy for anyone stuck in a telemarketing or cold-calling sales job. I have a lot of disdain, however, for anyone who actually makes a good living at it and then goes on to proclaim, based on their own success, how valuable it is.

Posted by Tyro | March 10, 2008 1:35 PM

I'm with Matt, CalDem, Swift and others on this. I'm nearing 30 and conspicuously shy. Talking on the phone with anyone but my closest friends is very stressful.

Part of it is the lack of physical cues from the other person. It makes it harder to read what they're feeling and thus adapt. I'm uncomfortable conversing in groups as well, and I think it's for the same reason. In that case, there are too many physical cues from too many different people to read at one time.

The other part is that the phone demands that time be filled with speech. In a face-to-face conversation, one can fill gaps with non-verbal communication, a nod of the head or a widening of the eyes. On the phone, one has to speak or risk an embarassing, "Are you still there?" What if you have nothing to say?

Posted by Ernie P. | March 10, 2008 1:39 PM

Seriously, fuck phones.

Posted by Monster | March 10, 2008 1:42 PM

There were many who bemoaned the passing of the buggy whip era too. Telephones are synchronous instruments left over from the late 19th and 20th centuries. Asynchronous communications are the current trend and if I might be so bold, the eavesdropping is my main reason for dropping the phone and switching to IM.

Posted by CybScryb | March 10, 2008 1:48 PM

Weird ... Maybe it's generational, but I've worked in computing for almost twenty years. All these tools have their place. I exchange e-mail mostly with my work mates, but often I pick up the phone when I need an answer. There's nothing worse than sending an e-mail, waiting for an answer, then having to send another e-mail to get clarification, which raises another issue and another round of e-mail. So instead of a three minute phone call, I'll spend twenty-five minutes shifting the monkey from my back to theirs via e-mail.

You just gotta know when to use which tool. The phone is still an awesome invention. It ain't going away, although it might get video.

Posted by DanF | March 10, 2008 1:50 PM

Yes, indeed, I too am enjoying the peace that comes with the decline of the intrusive, tyrannical telephone.

Posted by Chris Dornan | March 10, 2008 1:58 PM

I loathe the phone. I abhor it. I despise it. Yeah, I need it for business. But I cringe everytime it rings, whether it's the office phone, the house phone, or my cell phone.

And all this time, I thought I was weird.

I suppose I still am -- just not for this...

Posted by Roddy McCorley | March 10, 2008 1:58 PM

You just gotta know when to use which tool.

I'd say you have to know HOW to use which tool. Phone's may be great for immediacy, but not accuracy. I almost never use the phone for work because people feel the need to answer immediately rather than thoughtfully and there's invariably some disagreement on what was said at a later date. Email however, or any other text-based messaging where a physical record is made, provides accountability and accuracy and the question/response can be as detailed as is necessary, it just requires the person ask the right question and request the amount of detail they want in the first place, which should be standard procedure.

Posted by tom.a | March 10, 2008 2:06 PM

I always thought I was the only one who used 20 minutes a month (tops) on his cell plan. I HATE the phone, and it's not generational. I'm 45, and I hated the phone before we had all these alternatives.

Posted by Ready2Go | March 10, 2008 2:09 PM

Odd. I prefer the phone. I talk and think too fast for emailing, even though I touch-type and do that pretty fast, too. I agree with the person above who said they can clear up an issue much faster by speaking about it, rather than using multiple passes of emails.

People send way too much email, and they write them far too long. It piles up, i dont want to read a screen of electronic black ink on white pages for hours, I scan and ignore most of it. If you really need me, call me. I know how to say no if I can't talk at the moment. Not to be rude, but what's up with all the phone scaredyness in this thread? Wow. What is going to happen if someone hears you speak? I just don't get the fear.

Posted by nlxj | March 10, 2008 2:11 PM

Phone communications seem to be a bit better for getting immediate attention to an issue, but for non-urgent communications I prefer something IM and then email.

However....Judging from the explosion in cell phone use, I would say large numbers of people have no problems whatsoever chatting on the phone.

Posted by demisod | March 10, 2008 2:17 PM

I would like the phone but I can not stand long talkers, of which I have to deal with several. The verbal cues that one uses to close a conversation on the phone like "okay, I have to go now" or "okay, we'll talk tomorrow" doesn't work on them and you either hang up or are held hostage. Then again, those are the same people who follow you to your car and even when you've started it and put it in reverse, are still yakking at you.

I use email every chance I get with the long-talker or even medium-talker. I don't mind a long winded email from them, I can scan it and answer it gracefully in two or three sentences usually.

I look forward to phone calls with those I really have fun talking to. Anyone else, email works great.

Posted by Laura B. | March 10, 2008 2:20 PM

The problem with telephone communication is that it's SYNCHRONOUS (you have to drop what you're doing to answer it).

The main plus about emails, SMS, etc is that they are ASYNCHRONOUS: you can have a conversation, but you can do it in dribs and drabs, without dropping everything else.

An email is usually a WELCOME thing. "You've got mail!"

A phone call almost never is.

Posted by asynch | March 10, 2008 2:26 PM

John R., no, these are not "the same people" as those who don't know the neighbors. i hate the phone, i know all my neighbors, and i go to neighborhood poker games, for example. i'd just rather talk to someone than hear a half-soliloquy in my ear.

steve duncan, you miss the point as well. a lot of us are fine with thinking on our feet in person or other settings. the phone just sucks as a medium. and if you think all Harvard grads are extroverts, well, that shows nothing except that you didn't go to a competitive school. introverts abound among the highly intelligent.

on top of that, the phone interrupts everything in the room, and it makes someone who couldn't even fucking bother to be there suddenly more important than the people who are actually there. voice mail just sucks - it's time-consuming, unsuitable for archival and is rarely, if ever, more useful than "call me back at 555-4444", and yet rarely that brief. and bad news left on voice mail is a few notches lower than breaking up with your bf/gf by passing a note in math class.

there's a reason that "phony" has a phone in it.

Posted by Not A Phony | March 10, 2008 2:26 PM

Interesting. I also used to be "painfully shy" (if anything, that's an understatement), and have since gotten a lot better at things IRL, thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster. And I just came to the same conclusion recently: text good, IRL fine, phone dislike, and thought it sort of odd. But it seems it's quite normal, so that's good to know. I don't have this great fear or hatred of the phone, I'll use it if I have to (and I have a cell), but if I can do it any other way, I will. (I do tend to try and plan the call if it's not someone I know personally).

Posted by illissius | March 10, 2008 2:28 PM

Yup, its always wise to limit yourself in life. If you find yourself responding like this: I can't contact you because I won't: A) Call on the phone, B) EMAIL, C) IM D) all of the above, or maybe; I can't go there because: A) I won't fly, B)Trains scare me, C) I can't drive, D) Taxis are dangerous, E) all of the above. Or maybe this one: I can't take the job because: A) Talking on the phone scares me, B) How do you dial this thing, C) Human contact gives me the Hives, If you are responding like this you are a ROCK STAR, you are going places, your life has no limits, oh wait, never mind.

Posted by Henk | March 10, 2008 2:33 PM

Probably worth mentioning that most of this discussion has concerned one-to-one communications. A lot of phone usage in my office is for conference calls, which can be a useful alternative to actual meetings. Web conferencing still seems to be a developing technology.

Also: could be a bit of a gender gap here. Women seem much more comfortable with the phone, at least for personal use. I don't know if that extends to the workplace or not.

Posted by demisod | March 10, 2008 2:35 PM

If you're single, good luck trying to find someone worth dating with that, particularly if you're older than 30, 35. Most women I know (I'm 41)--even if they first connect with a man online--still want a man to call for a date. In fact, they *especially* want a phone call before a face-to-face meeting with someone they connected with through an on-line dating service. The reason? "To find out if he's capable of carrying on a conversation." Or, to put it really bluntly as one woman I know did, "To find out if he's a social moron who can only speak in monosyllabic grunts, and therefore not worth the make-up." Harsh, but true.

Posted by Avienne | March 10, 2008 2:40 PM

I have always feared the phone -- not answering, but calling. Can do okay in life or death situations, but otherwise not so much.

I can speak in front of groups until the cows come home. But I'm usually brief.

I'm female.

And if you're over 30 waiting for a man to call, lots of luck with that.

Posted by Pentimenti | March 10, 2008 2:48 PM

I despise email. Its usefulness has been destroyed by spam. I don't get TOO many unsolicited phone calls but that's because I'm secretive about my phone number and only give it to a few people. However, with those people, I like the phone. I think its privacy is much better than email. Email is fine for business correspondence but I hate to use it for personal things, because I figure a copy goes directly to George Bush via the NSA, and the eavesdropping creeps me out even though its content is completely uninteresting. I also for the most part am not happy about the other person archiving the email and being careless with it, or it being in Google's database if they use gmail, or something like that. And I find somehow that email about anything with emotional content somehow makes it worse rather than better. If I want to write someone about something like that, I use good old snail mail, which somehow brings more presence to the message than email does, plus it usually doesn't end up in a computer.

Posted by paul r | March 10, 2008 3:13 PM

For most of the IT world, email seems to be the default and phone the exception until you get up in the ranks. Email is part of your workflow, and phone is the exception. I don't like phones for most purposes because, as people have said, they make you drop everything else you're doing, you have to answer questions whether or not you've got the information to do so, it's hard to keep track of what actually was agreed on, and pretty much impossible to archive. However, for regular teleconferences or complex back-and-forth explanations it's better.

On the other side, email is one reason why we have problems taking long vacations. Phone calls go away: people don't tend to expect you to act on a voicemail a week later. Emails pile up. Either you check email on vacation, or have a really unpleasant first day back.

Posted by ericblair | March 10, 2008 3:20 PM

Definitely the phone is nice for friends and dates and discussing dinner plans while at the grocery store.

And having worked as a temp and an office assistant, I've gotten over my former phone shyness and stress. But, while I think the phone has some use in the office, I'd be really happy to see it used a lot less.

In addition to the interruptions, and 'long-talkers', there are dinosaurs using the phone where email is plainly more appropriate - for non-urgent requests, or for exchanging large amounts of information. And voice mail just needs to go crawl away into a tar pit and die.

I would really, really like to see chat become the norm in the office. Quick turnaround and low overhead like a phone conversation, but without the intrusiveness and pressure. Text transcript and ease of exchanging numbers and complicated information like email, but with far less risk of being too formal and verbose, or being too terse and sounding rude.

Posted by jack lecou | March 10, 2008 3:43 PM

paul r-

You've probably heard this before, but if you aren't using Gmail already, start. Your mileage may vary, but I get maybe 1 or 2 spam messages a *month*.

Posted by jack lecou | March 10, 2008 3:50 PM

I have no problems with dealing with email while I'm on vacation. It's an autoresponder that reads: "I'm on vacation until X date, emails received until that date will go unread. Please resend your email on or after X date." Then everything automatically goes into deleted items until I get back. Problem solved.

I like email, SMS and IM because for most people, they foster brevity, which is almost always inseparable from clarity. For most, typing is more laborious than talking; hence, we tend to "get to the point" more quickly than we do when we speak.

Posted by jefered | March 10, 2008 3:59 PM

And to think that at one time there were some that bemoaned the invention of the phone because it would bring the end of letters as the standard for business communication.

Then again I grew up in a house with some odd phone rules:

Never call Mom or Dad unless there was blood or broken bones (and no, potental breaks were not the same including/especially if it was just "If he dosen't quit it, I'll break my brothers neck").

Chatting is out. Quick, call them, set up a time and place to meet and get the heck out of the house. You can tell them all the nonsense then.

Calling for business is ok if its to order something but be ready to pay for it yourself, especially pizza. Complaints to companies are ALWAYS in writing, with copies, so that you have time to compose your thoughts and there will be no chance of "well you never said that" later.

9PM to 9AM? Better be a damn serious emergency. Loosing your homework is not an emergency.

and before you think I'm some old fart, surprise I'm only 38.

Posted by Clyde | March 10, 2008 5:09 PM

Matt: I am with you 100% on this. I HATE the telephone!!! Cell phones especially suck.

Posted by badMike | March 10, 2008 5:14 PM

I know all those telephone polls are bad for the environment and everything, but at least landlines are/were functional. Cell phones makes talking on the phone even less desirable. You can't stay connected, or even hear or be heard on most of them...

Posted by Saltine Seeker | March 10, 2008 5:33 PM

(shrug) Girls like phones more than boys do.

In other breaking news, dog bites man.

Posted by sherifffruitfly | March 10, 2008 6:19 PM

Just learn which medium is appropriate for which communication. If I'm working on your project and want a quick answer, I'll give you a call and get an answer right away. If I send an email, who knows when I'll get a reply? And if I need a clarification, when will I get a reply to *that*?

But if I'm asking friends when they want to get together for dinner, email allows everyone to check their schedule at their leisure.

Posted by Adam Villani | March 10, 2008 6:40 PM

i've grown to dislike telephones, but it's Voice-mail i truly hate.

i do tech support work and any calls that don't make it to a live rep go to a v-mail box where people abandon all sense of brevity and decide that they are not going to get to the point and give me the relevant details until after they have given me some rambling and pointlessly detailed version of their damned Curriculum Vitae...and the ones that do get through sometimes seem as if they could not catch a clue if the Clue Fairy dropped them head-first in the Clue Forest and gave them a Clue suppository

as a result, i disconnected my land-line and rarely turn my cellphone on because by the end of each day, the last thing i want is to be on the phone.

Posted by madraven72 | March 10, 2008 6:49 PM

>Are you all the same people who live in a place for years but never actually speak to your neighbors?

Thanks to the subprime mortgage bubble, problem solved, no neighbours!

Posted by bartkid | March 10, 2008 7:12 PM

Phone conversations are indispensable. The back and forth can be seconds instead of minutes or hours, and there is a million times more nuance. FTF is better still, but often impractical.

One of the smartest, most effective people I know once told me that the most powerful weapon in the business world is a telephone. She is 100% right, and she wasn't talking about telemarketing.

Posted by winner | March 10, 2008 9:00 PM

I couldn't agree more... I cringe when my phone rings and it is someone I must talk to... I used to spend hour upon hour on the phone when I was a teenager; but now, if I have to talk on the phone, I get the info I need, pass on what I need, and then beg off as quickly as possible. Hell, I haven't talked to my girlfriend on the phone in weeks... we text/e-mail each other to discuss what we are planning to do... I'm straddling the X-gen/Boomer generation in age, but I'm squarely with the X-generation in the loathing of phone conversation.

Posted by Steve in CO | March 10, 2008 9:51 PM

I hate the phone too. We should call and talk about it some time.

Posted by Robert Waldmann | March 10, 2008 9:53 PM

The phone is for immediate contact. Some people don't monitor their email very well.

When I was a kid not everyone had a phone. Phoneless neighbors would drop by if they needed to contact someone immediately, often to get a doctor to come to the house.

Thinking about this now it occurs to me that when there is need to fill out a personal ID form a line is included for phone number. When there were fewer self filled forms, the phone number question was prefaced by: Do you have a phone?

I haven't seen much of it yet but maybe email can bring back letter writing skills. When a single, brief long distance call could cost more than a normal standard monthly phone bill, my mother and her sister in California communicated via long, beautifully written letters.

Posted by cal1942 | March 11, 2008 12:28 AM

You have no idea what a liberation the inexpensive answering machine was.

Yeah I am an olde person and I have always hated phone calls.

Before that you had to answer the phone or it would ring and ring and ring and you would cower in guilt and fear about whether it was important. Especially before one could afford a phone with the ability to turn off the ringer or unplug from the wall-the later cost money you did not have. This was still the case in the early 70's like in a college living situation, you just used the phone that was there, the fancier options cost too much (touch tone was, for example, an extra monthly fee on the bill for quite some time.)

As for jobs requiring constant phone calls, I do have the genetic social shyness, but I've really found that that's not really the same thing at all. Most phone haters and shy people can adjust to it quickly, like in a sales job where you have to take all the incoming order calls on a rotation, or as a receptionist. It becomes robotic and it's not personal, you get quickly used to it, it's not your "self" that's answering, you play a role and you don't often truly "converse" or give anything of your self. Would make the exception with cold calling, of course, that requires a different sort of person.

I don't find email and other net communication as "revolutionary" liberating as answering machine was, it's more like it's just another step. The nicest thing about it is that you don't have to worry about what time it is, that you're not making someone's phone ring at an inappropriate time, and that you communicate without the "telephone tag" problem, which only still exists because some people have this strange thing about leaving long voice mail messages.

In a way cell phones of the last few years have been a step backward on the interruption front, until people get used to turning them off to just voice mail, as they are doing more and more.

Posted by artappraiser | March 11, 2008 2:04 AM

For business, I like the record that results from email. I can think of several phone calls where I wish I was able to make a recording. Mostly I don't have that problem anymore because I push communications to favor writing.

Posted by Eric | March 11, 2008 9:27 AM

Seems to me the MORE real-world human interaction we have in our lives, the BETTER, so the closer you can come to that as in a phone call with two real, actual voices of two humans interacting in real time is a GOOD thing.

I'm not talking about paying your Sprint bill. I'm talking about interactions with friends, coworkers, children, etc. These are best conducted as closely to the real universe as possible.

Email/IM/etc. allow us to live in our own heads, interpret typed words as we will, and generally de-actualize the person we are communicating with.

Posted by Tim | March 11, 2008 11:15 AM