Threat Level

Tom Lee says we need to worry less about the over-hyped robot threat and focus more attention on the menace of pirates. I'm afraid, however, that as Tom ought well know, many of his precious Google Trends hits for "pirates" aren't about honest-to-God, parrot-wielding pirates at all, but rather "intellectual property pirates" and other such metaphorical pirates. Why Tom would choose to act as a dupe of Big Content and continue to leave the nation defenseless against the robot threat I couldn't quite say. Maybe someone needs to tell the world that his girlfriend's a cylon!

Photo by Flickr user jylcat used under a Creative Commons license

Comments

Looks like putter-wielding pirates are the issue here.

Posted by steve duncan | March 28, 2008 11:27 AM

The pirate menace is overstated. You'll notice that their trends tend to peak in the third quarter - just the time baseball season is really heating up. The google trends are reflective of the Pittsburgh Pirates, more than jolly fun-loving pirate crews. This is more indicative of a positive pirate influence (unless you're elsewhere in the NL Central). If you removed this completely-positive floor, you would see that the real danger is posed by another name on the list: ninjas. They're perfectly content to skulk around in the shadows of the artificially-inflated pirate threat.

Posted by Tel | March 28, 2008 11:31 AM

People whose lives include girlfriends and boyfriends really don't belong in the blogosphere, or at least should keep a decent silence about it.

Can't we maladjusted loners keep our own little corner of the world?

Posted by lemuel pitkin | March 28, 2008 11:35 AM

Pirates and Robots! Pirates and Robots!

You're completely ignoring the threat posed by Ninjas. Keep ignoring the threat, why don't you? You must hate America.

Posted by Trigger | March 28, 2008 11:40 AM

Today's L.A. Times:

U.S. Navy taking on pirates:

"We want the pirates to know there will be consequences if they escalate," said Rear Adm. Mark Balmert, commander of Expeditionary Strike Group Three and point man for the Navy's 5th Fleet on piracy in the region.

The consequences are real: In October, the U.S. guided-missile destroyer Porter sank two pirate skiffs after receiving a distress call from a Panamanian-flagged, Japanese-owned cargo ship in international waters in the Indian Ocean.

Posted by SoCalJustice | March 28, 2008 11:40 AM

Doesn't the Chinese economy have more to fear from (real) pirates? I think unions should fund robbers on the high seas.

Posted by Klug | March 28, 2008 11:47 AM

It's a little known fact that pirates (Argh!) attempted to engage in intellectual property theft. They would attend Shakespeare's plays, and upon returning to their ships, their parrots would recite the play back. The practice was discontinued after overenthusiastic parrots performing King Lear plucked out eyes from the pirate upon whose shoulder it was sitting - which was the origin of the whole eyepatch motif BTW.

Posted by Njorl | March 28, 2008 11:50 AM

honest-to-God, parrot-wielding pirates at all, but rather "intellectual property pirates" and other such metaphorical pirates

Are "intellectual property pirates" really "metaphorical" pirates? I don't think so. I don't think that piracy is used as a metaphor for the stealing of intellectual property anymore, it has become the accepted term for the real phenomenon.

Posted by Al | March 28, 2008 11:54 AM

Hello;
Robot Pirates. Think about it.

Posted by Bruce | March 28, 2008 12:03 PM

That Njorl, hann er að gera mig brjálaðan!

Posted by steve duncan | March 28, 2008 12:05 PM

Frankly, the threat from both pirates and robots pales in comparison to the menace posed by ninjas.

Posted by cyd | March 28, 2008 12:13 PM

In the wake of Obama's historic speech, this continued display of prejudice against pirate-Americans is completely unacceptable.

Posted by Velvet Elvis | March 28, 2008 12:20 PM

Arrrgh. Bein a pirate meself, I thought I ought to speak up here. In the days of yor, sure, ye were wise to be afeared er a pirate approaching up a dark ally. But, sad to say, those days are mostly past. The tide has turned beneath the pirate community's boats and we're all scramblin to adjust. Basically, pirate young are no longer interested in pilliage and plunder. They lack the sand to endure the harsh ministrations er the mother sea, quackin and complainin about the lack er internet connection, the nightly duties traditionally required er those new to the craft, and just in general shyin away from physical labor like a pony from a barn fire, preferin to sit aponst their butttocks in darkened cabins clicking and clacken at their laptops, participating in an imaginary world with the real one frollicin unconcerned like the conglomeration er ancient gods she is right outside the porthole. Tis a sad situation to see a beloved way er life melt away before ye becasue some lank-haired, fat-bottomed, asthmatic kid finds the the time-tested combination er buggery and hard, dangerous work, "outmoded."

Posted by ol one eye | March 28, 2008 12:26 PM

When will people get it? How many times do I have to say that the Zombie Apocalypse will happen LONG before we advance technology far enough to have sentient, much less dangerous robots?

They're coming. Pirates have been a menace for years, we know how to deal with them, and Robots are too far in the future. The REAL danger is the Zombie Attack. Which, might I add, is imminent.

Posted by Skalite | March 28, 2008 12:29 PM

While it's true that the zombie uprising is imminent, what Skalite fails to realize is that the need to combat the zombie threat is precisely what will lead to the creation of the robot army--what better tool to fight zombies than soldiers who don't have delicious brains? The zombie uprising will easily be crushed by DARPA's robot army, which will then naturally turn on its masters. With the advent of the Robot enslavement, the dreaded pirates and ninjas will actually become the backbone of the human resistance movement--pirates because the robots will fear getting their precious circuitry wet with the highly conductive saltwater of the high seas, and ninjas because of the need to thwart facial recognition systems. Who will ultimately triumph? It's hard to say. But mankind should begin the process of reconciliation with pirates and ninjas now so that when the time comes the necessary alliances will already be in place.

Posted by Galen | March 28, 2008 1:01 PM

Jest to be clear.... Should the piratin community decide to engage them, niether the robots, the zombies, er the ninjas, nor any combination thereof, would survive ten minutes on this planet as more than fist-sized pieces er flesh and, in the robots case, metal and plastic. Jest to be clear.

Posted by ol one eye | March 28, 2008 1:07 PM

I didn't know Lenin had a hook for a hand. Did know about the stress positions though.

Posted by CK | March 28, 2008 1:25 PM

Based on a recent factoid-finding mission to Orlando, I have discovered the following:

Walt Disney World has co-opted the pirates.
Universal Studios has bent zombies to their will.
Both locations have conquered the robots to serve their purposes.

Given that both are owned by major corporations in the DJIA, the fact that neither one can control the ninjas makes them either our greatest threat OR our last, best hope.

(Also note that ninjas, while rarely in the news, is consistently the 2nd, sometimes 1st highest in search volume. Don't believe the media hype.)

Posted by Aaron | March 28, 2008 1:50 PM

Pirates!? Robots?!

47°9′S, 126°43′W.

Robot pirates would be like being like warm hug compared to our REAL doom.

Posted by J.W. Hamner | March 28, 2008 1:57 PM

By Satan's cavernous colon, Arron! Ye got's the intellectual heft er a YMCA ballet class fer tweens!

"Walt Disney World has co-opted the pirates."

Did ye happen to notice that the disney world "pirates" were either 1. robots!? er 2. teenaged servin wenches er their homosexual equivilents dressed as "pirates"!?!

Apprise me er yer terrestrial whereabouts (lat and long) so that we can discuss this insult in a more personal way, ye rabbit-pricked sack er filth.

Posted by Ol One Eye | March 28, 2008 2:52 PM

I think Vikings* are making a comeback. Global warming is opening up the arctic sailing lanes. Scandanavians have many fortified bases all across the globe (AKA Ikeas). They are well financed thanks to Tiger Wood's wife having a joint checking account. Vikings combine the worst qualities of pirates and goths in a clean design. Be very afraid.

* - not Minnesota Vikings, they're losers

Posted by joejoejoe | March 28, 2008 3:21 PM

I have no thoughts on pirates, metaphorical or not, but what did these poor girls do at the putt-putt to deserves such punishment? Fail to replace a divot? Ground their putters is a hazard?

Posted by Jay | March 28, 2008 3:32 PM

I realize I'm reading this thread and commenting in it too late for anyone ever to read the comment, but I am absolutely gobsmacked by Al's dedication to post a contrarian comment in every Yglesias comment thread. The dedication is just inspiring

Posted by Warren Terra | March 28, 2008 8:19 PM

No, no!

It's the nacho robot ninja pirate monkeys we have to worry about!

See here!

Nacho Ninja Pirate Robot Monkey
http://sabatos.net/nnprm.php

Or here:

Ask a Ninja Robot Pirate
http://media.www.thecurrentonline.com/media/storage/paper304/news/2007/04/02/Opinions/Ask-A.Ninja.Robot.Pirate-2817906.shtml

Or here:

Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot.
http://www.npzr.org/

There's more, but if I put another link in, the stupid Atlantic spam filter will eat this post.

Ah, hah! That means the Atlantic servers ARE ninja pirate zombie robots!

Posted by Richard Steven Hack | March 28, 2008 8:46 PM

I am absolutely gobsmacked by Al's dedication to post a contrarian comment in every Yglesias comment thread.

Presumably it's in his contract.

Posted by lemuel pitkin | March 28, 2008 10:57 PM

Never mind all that - where can I get more pictures like that one? I have a great idea for an adult website....

Posted by Ted | March 30, 2008 6:50 AM

Excuse me, the zombie uprising is not "imminent," it is already here. Just look at the inhabitants of the White House. Especially the VEEP.

Posted by mclaren | March 30, 2008 9:18 PM