Absolut Counterfactual

It seems Absolut Vodka got in a bit of hot water over this ad, which they ran in Mexico in days when the combination of the information superhighway and worry about immigration to the USA makes it a sensitive subject. Absolut is apologizing when, as Ross says, they really should have just gone bigger and given every country a fantasy map of its own. I'd like to see a United States of North America in which one of our various efforts to conquer Canada succeeded and the stars and stripes now fly all the way to the Arctic Circle. Or Absolut Habsburb in which Charles V's empire stays together.

Comments

Or Absolut Habsburb in which Charles V's empire stays together

It's Habsburg. And of course that empire went well beyond what's in the linked map, to include Mexico, Florida, the Caribbean, and most of South America.

Posted by right | April 7, 2008 1:52 PM

I will accept a merger with Canada only if we can keep:

1. Their health care system.

2. Their beer (not the stuff they send down to us).

3. Their money (and to think, we once mocked the Looney!).

Posted by Shawn | April 7, 2008 1:55 PM

Come on, America earned that land. By stealing it.

Stop reminding white Americans of the violent and unjust historical facts that led to their privilege. It only fires up right wing talk radio for the "rage of the enfranchised."

Posted by WinSmith | April 7, 2008 1:59 PM

As I wrote here, this is a fantastic idea, until someone makes something like "Absolut Germany" or "Absolut Serbia". Heck, "Absolut China" would probably spark an international incident.

Posted by Nicholas Beaudrot | April 7, 2008 2:00 PM

Remember this?

http://img98.imageshack.us/img98/1421/jesuslandcy3.jpg

Posted by Gary Sugar | April 7, 2008 2:02 PM

If the ad ran in Mexico, why is the headline in English? Please advise.

Posted by James Gary | April 7, 2008 2:04 PM

I'd like to see a United States of North America in which one of our various efforts to conquer Canada succeeded and the stars and stripes now fly all the way to the Arctic Circle.

NO! In six or seven years, I'm going to retire and move to Vancouver BC. Do you think I'm doing that so barbaric American laws can follow me there?

Posted by Gary Sugar | April 7, 2008 2:06 PM

Giving rein to the stickler in me, I must note that, sadly, the map is poorly done, as the boundary between Spanish America and the Louisana Purchase was the boundary of the Missouri-Mississippi basin.

Compare with http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Louisiana_purchase

Posted by Steve | April 7, 2008 2:06 PM

"It's Habsburg. And of course that empire went well beyond what's in the linked map, to include Mexico, Florida, the Caribbean, and most of South America."

The European parts were the Habsburg Empire, the outer parts you mention were the Habsburbs.

Posted by Njorl | April 7, 2008 2:07 PM

I remember reading another weblog mentioning this, and the comments were full of the expected anger and indignation, but it wasn't until 200-300 comments in that someone pointed out that Absolute vodka isn't taht good to begin with, and kind of overpriced.

Posted by Tyro | April 7, 2008 2:10 PM

"Come on, America earned that land. By stealing it."

While every other nation on Earth summoned land from below the sea, or wove it out of another dimension.

Posted by Njorl | April 7, 2008 2:11 PM

Selling vodka is a high anxiety job. Vodka is a neutral flavored mix of water and ethanol which are cheap chemicals. Somehow they have to convince people to pay premium prices for a generic product. They have to create a buzz. My congrats to Absolut for doing so.

Posted by Slugger | April 7, 2008 2:13 PM

54'40" or Fight!

Posted by OhioBoy | April 7, 2008 2:15 PM

I believe Absolut actually did do a companion "Finnish-Reconquistadora" ad showing territory formerly held by Finland, no?

Posted by Draft Goldfarb! | April 7, 2008 2:17 PM

I'm thinking an Absolut Neandertal ad campaign to cater to the extinct hominid sympathizer demographic.

Posted by J.W. Hamner | April 7, 2008 2:18 PM

Helpfully, maps of Absolut China already exist - and in fact are still the official maps of China in the Republic of China (a.k.a Taiwan).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:ROC_Administrative_and_Claims.jpg

Although you could go farther and add modern Vietnam and Korea.

Posted by vanya | April 7, 2008 2:18 PM

OK, I spoke too soon.

I neglected the Adams-Onis Treaty:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adams-On%C3%ADs_Treaty

Still, the map is badly drawn (Arkansas River does not cross the 40th parallel, and the 42nd parallel is well south of the depiction.

Posted by Steve | April 7, 2008 2:24 PM

Shawn:

I will accept a merger with Canada only if we can keep:

1. Their health care system.

2. Their beer (not the stuff they send down to us).

3. Their money (and to think, we once mocked the Looney!).

They can keep New Brunswick! Also, there's plenny of great Yankee brewski (e.g., Dogfish Head).

Posted by ed | April 7, 2008 2:26 PM

This is a highly inaccurate map that fails to show the boundaries of Greater New France. Les Etats Unis should not be muscling in on its beaver pelt territory beyond the Mississippi.

Posted by Estrien | April 7, 2008 2:31 PM

This has already been thought of.

Posted by Al | April 7, 2008 2:32 PM

Steve - the Adams-Onis Treaty of 1819 with Spain delimited the border between Texas and the U.S. along more or less the borders shown in the map.

Posted by John | April 7, 2008 2:38 PM

Does anyone here really object to giving West Texas back to the Mexicans??

Posted by Don Williams | April 7, 2008 2:41 PM

Ed,

I don't see it as an either/or proposition. I just want their better beer (again, not what they currently ship south) at better price. Beyond that, it would be up to the vast United States of North America market to determine what wins and what loses.

Posted by Shawn | April 7, 2008 2:43 PM

I have relatives in Austin, else I would suggest tossing in the rest of the state as well.

Plus Jim Imhoff and Oklahoma.

Posted by Don Williams | April 7, 2008 2:44 PM

How about "Absolut Idiots" with a map of all the states that voted for Bush in 2004. You could market that in the northeast and people (like me) would eat it up.

Posted by TomT | April 7, 2008 2:47 PM

the stars and stripes now fly all the way to the Arctic Circle

Did we lose Alaska when I wasn't looking?

Posted by Jeff Fecke | April 7, 2008 2:56 PM

Besides "Absolut Germany" probably not being well-received, how about "Absolut Fag" in honor of Absolut's largest customer demographic - well heeled Nancy Boys?

That would be the map of territories homos believe they rule and areas they wish to expand into, like Boy's Town, Nebraska. Their map would be a dotted one of "gay cities" and Vermont, plus pieces of states and other countries where gays congregate on vacation for some good recreational cornholing.

Tip of Cape Cod, Fire Island, Quebec City, Haiti for cheap young boys, Hollywood, Maui, London, Cairo's rent boy quarter....

Could be quite a map for Absolut.
Places where Absolut is the top-selling brand...

Posted by chris ford | April 7, 2008 3:01 PM

I'd like to see a United States of North America in which one of our various efforts to conquer Canada succeeded and the stars and stripes now fly all the way to the Arctic Circle.

What about an Absolut Canada where Maine, the Upper Midwest, and the Alaska Panhandle coastline are all part of Canada?

and the stars and stripes now fly all the way to the Arctic Circle.

Um, they already do. See previously mentioned Alaska, State of.

Posted by Stefan | April 7, 2008 3:08 PM

I will settle for nothing less that Absolut Pangea.

OK, maybe Absolut Gondwana.

Posted by BP | April 7, 2008 3:14 PM

Let me offer the grownup version of yet another MattY childlike post.

A ZogbyPoll found that 58% of Mexicans think the U.S. southwest rightfully belongs to Mexico, and it really isn't that difficult to find such sentiments expressed. Now, "liberals" like MattY are supporting allowing Mexico to in effect resettle its former territories. In fact, Stanford historian warned that we may face a "ChicanoQuebec" being established in the Southwest. And, several MexicanAmerican legislators are former members of a racial separatist group that was founded on that concept ("Aztlan").

And, a few people with similar views are associated with HillaryClinton. If MattY were a real pundit and not just a DNC puppet, he'd discuss the recent comments from one of Hillary's co-chairs. Is MattY capable of thinking through what her comments imply? For extra credit, here's another one of her co-chairs: nomoreblather.com/hillary-nunez

See my name's link for posts about the support that some of our leaders have for merging the three countries.

The reader might want to contact MattY and suggest that he acts more like a pundit and less like a kindergartener.

Posted by Merger archive | April 7, 2008 3:32 PM

PLEASE WATCH OR READ THEN EMAIL THESE LINKS OUT **NOW** TO YOUR FAMILY, CO-WORKERS AND FRIENDS AHEAD OF THE PENNSYLVANIA AND PUERTO RICO PRIMARIES!!

Obama’s Pastor Celebrates 9/11 (explicit)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzhl-endvco

Obama’s Racially-Divisive Pastor

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUbUBTlmAiA

Obama Disrespecting U.S. Flag and Anthem

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8QCkgg5Kjo

The Audacity of Barack Obama

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwjnT4eJJvs

The Audacity of Barack Obama 2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VeC8BE-2T_k

Is Obama Wright? - Pastor Wright & Senator Obama

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72B3tUAqpo4

Obama’s Pastor - 9/11 Fault of Israel Association

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnI431s1r6s

Obama - Cult of Personality

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nP7lUGn7HWk&;;;;;;;

Name Obama’s Accomplishments if you can #1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGeu_4Ekx-o

Name Obama’s Accomplishments if you can #2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PzFOOcEQtP0

Barack Obama: There Will Be Bamboozling

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YuB_W8o_UsU

The Two Things Senator Obama Accomplished

http://www.floppingaces.net/2008/02/27/obamas-empty-change-message/

The Jeremiah Wright Lifetime Achievement Award

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Prhnc2fxAzg

Obama — We Are Building A Religion

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xtNr5-up0U

The Obama File

http://www.freedomsenemies.com/_more/obama.htm

Posted by Alan Srout | April 7, 2008 3:55 PM

PLEASE WATCH OR READ THEN EMAIL THESE LINKS OUT **NOW** TO YOUR FAMILY, CO-WORKERS AND FRIENDS AHEAD OF THE PENNSYLVANIA AND PUERTO RICO PRIMARIES!!

Obama’s Pastor Celebrates 9/11 (explicit)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzhl-endvco

Obama’s Racially-Divisive Pastor

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUbUBTlmAiA

Obama Disrespecting U.S. Flag and Anthem

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8QCkgg5Kjo

The Audacity of Barack Obama

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwjnT4eJJvs

The Audacity of Barack Obama 2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VeC8BE-2T_k

Is Obama Wright? - Pastor Wright & Senator Obama

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72B3tUAqpo4

Obama’s Pastor - 9/11 Fault of Israel Association

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnI431s1r6s

Obama - Cult of Personality

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nP7lUGn7HWk&;;;;;;;

Name Obama’s Accomplishments if you can #1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGeu_4Ekx-o

Name Obama’s Accomplishments if you can #2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PzFOOcEQtP0

Barack Obama: There Will Be Bamboozling

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YuB_W8o_UsU

The Two Things Senator Obama Accomplished

http://www.floppingaces.net/2008/02/27/obamas-empty-change-message/

The Jeremiah Wright Lifetime Achievement Award

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Prhnc2fxAzg

Obama — We Are Building A Religion

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xtNr5-up0U

The Obama File

http://www.freedomsenemies.com/_more/obama.htm

Posted by Alan Srout | April 7, 2008 3:56 PM

How about an ad for schnapps showing Nazi domination throughout Scandinavia and Europe as would be the case if million or so Allies had not made the ultimate sacrifice . See any disrespect there amigo ?

Posted by nat turner | April 7, 2008 3:56 PM

I understand it is supposed to be funny. But given Mexico's past political domination by an authoritarian party that deployed nationalism to cover up policy failures, there was something out-of-touch and clumsy about the add. I explain here:

http://elvaliente.wordpress.com/2008/04/05/the-real-problem-with-that-mexican-vodka-ad/

Posted by Julio Gonzalez Altamirano | April 7, 2008 3:59 PM

I think it should only be done with countries whose maps look like a big vodka bottle.

Posted by Neil the Ethical Werewolf | April 7, 2008 4:17 PM

I expect Absolut Vodka will quickly follow-up this amusing little ad with some other ads:

One ad, to be used only in Russia, could show that "In An Absolut World", Russia would include all of the former Soviet Union, including Estonia and the Ukraine.

Another ad, to be used only in Arab-speaking countries, would show that "In An Absolut World", Israel would no longer exist.

Yet another, to be shown only in Germany, would show that "In An Absolut World", Alsace and Lorraine would no longer be part of France, but would be part of Germany.

For its market in Taiwan, Absolut could run an ad that shows that "In An Absolut World", the capital of ALL of China would be Taipei.

This is such fun! Imagine the contribution to world peace that would result if Absolut were to run such innocent ads!

Posted by I Wonder | April 7, 2008 4:20 PM

I expect Absolut Vodka will quickly follow-up this amusing little ad with some other ads:

One ad, to be used only in Russia, could show that "In An Absolut World", Russia would include all of the former Soviet Union, including Estonia and the Ukraine.

Another ad, to be used only in Arab-speaking countries, would show that "In An Absolut World", Israel would no longer exist.

Yet another, to be shown only in Germany, would show that "In An Absolut World", Alsace and Lorraine would no longer be part of France, but would be part of Germany.

For its market in Taiwan, Absolut could run an ad that shows that "In An Absolut World", the capital of ALL of China would be Taipei.

This is such fun! Imagine the contribution to world peace that would result if Absolut were to run such innocent ads!

Posted by I Wonder | April 7, 2008 4:21 PM

It was an unwise ad campaign no matter what country would have been depicted in the ad. All nations are sensitive about their boundaries.

Posted by Vicki | April 7, 2008 4:52 PM

How exactly does an historical fact become an insult?. That used to be the territorial distribution until Mexico lost a war with the US. I find it more agravating to Mexicans rather than americans. Or probably the insult is that history is not taught in american schools..

I find the whole issue of this being an insult funny. It's like saying that the primitive human fossils found in africa are an insult to us modern homo sapiens.

it is just a historical FACT.

Posted by Hector | April 7, 2008 4:57 PM

what dude? We could also scratch out "Mexico" and write in Viceroyalty of New Spain of whatever it was called. Not our fault Mexico couldn't take care of their shit and invited us in. 'Twas nice, we stayed.

Posted by MP | April 7, 2008 5:21 PM

I'm willing to give up El Paso, Nogales, and Yuma, but that's it. Take it or leave it, Mexico.

Posted by southpaw | April 7, 2008 7:54 PM

they really should have just gone bigger and given every country a fantasy map of its own.

One of the first and most enthusiastically supported maps (especially this month) would certainly be the "Absolut Confederacy."

Posted by FearItself | April 7, 2008 8:03 PM

How exactly does an historical fact become an insult?. That used to be the territorial distribution until Mexico lost a war with the US. I find it more agravating to Mexicans rather than americans. Or probably the insult is that history is not taught in american schools..

Actually not. About the same time that the United States snatched Northern Mexico with the treaty of Guadalupe-Hidalgo, Mexico annexed parts of Chiapas from Guatemala by force in 1823 and annexed additional parts of Guatemala in 1842 and the 1880s to create the modern-day Mexican state of Chiapas.

So while the United States was expanding its borders southward, Mexico was doing exactly the same thing to its weaker and smaller neighbor to the south. As the recent Zapatista insurrection makes evident, the residents of Chiapas are still not entirely reconciled with Mexican rule.

Posted by Kent | April 7, 2008 8:39 PM

Perhaps the conservatives bearing their outrage would be more amused if Absolut had simply taken out an ad calling John Edwards a faggot or said that all Democrats were traitors.

Posted by Tyro | April 7, 2008 9:12 PM

Some people need something to be mad about. Oh NOES, Absolut made a stupid ad! Damn Mexicans, being all un-patriotic to America!

"I remember reading another weblog mentioning this, and the comments were full of the expected anger and indignation, but it wasn't until 200-300 comments in that someone pointed out that Absolute vodka isn't taht good to begin with, and kind of overpriced.

Posted by Tyro | April 7, 2008 2:10 PM"

Very true. Ketel One and Grey Goose often don't cost that much more (sometimes are even the same price) unless your local liquor store is run by assholes.

Posted by Reality Man | April 8, 2008 12:27 AM

I lived in Sweden for a bit. The people are VERY nice . . . a whole nation of TREE HUGGERS. By kissing Mexican butt they are really just showing their disgust with the nasty old USA, and it seems, evidently, to be worth losing most of their US customers. The Swedes are very unhappy that their per capita income ranking has dropped from 3rd in the world to 14th, while guess who is still number one . . . yes, that nasty old USA again.

As for the Mexican problem (and it's a BIG one), my solution is to SWAP the USA for Mexico, lock, stock, and barrel. We Americans can then get off our fat asses and build a better NEW AMERICA down south, while the Mexicans get to fatten up and enjoy the wondrous country we've built for them. After 50 years the new "Mexico" will be a land of trash and filth and corruption (like the old Mexico), while the new "USA" will be a shining country of the future (even better than the old USA). Then we swap again. Ad nauseam. It's a win, win.

Vodka? I quit that years ago, but for all the rest of you, I say "Bye, Bye, Absolut!" and "Buy, Buy, USA!"

Posted by Mr. Natural | April 8, 2008 6:20 AM

"I lived in Sweden for a bit. The people are VERY nice . . . a whole nation of TREE HUGGERS. By kissing Mexican butt they are really just showing their disgust with the nasty old USA, and it seems, evidently, to be worth losing most of their US customers. The Swedes are very unhappy that their per capita income ranking has dropped from 3rd in the world to 14th, while guess who is still number one . . . yes, that nasty old USA again."

Measured by PPP, we are at best #2 according to Wikipedia behind Luxembourg (using the World Bank's rankings). Nominally we are at best #7.

Posted by Reality Man | April 8, 2008 9:41 AM

If USA can change maps and separate KOSOVO from SERBIA, I don't see any reason why SWEDEN wouldn't chnage map of USA and add southern states to MEXICO.
International borders are obviously not respected by Bush administration anymore, olympic torch is not respected by hippy crowds, then what the heck.
I just wonder which president started this "I do not respect internationaly recognized borders and UN" moment????? Was that Bush? LOL.It will so come back to bite!

Posted by whatever | April 8, 2008 6:12 PM

the mexico the lot of you euro's(caucasions) are squabbling about is vastly mis-represented by many of your own,(aka spanish)descendants, "YOU" all drew
these artificial lines..1000's of peoples you call mexicans are actually "indigenous" peoples with names and identities just as the lakota, hopi and many others who you call native americans, who did
not! cross the land bridge from siberia! long ago..native yes, american no, peoples living here for centuries before there was any such hint of an america..we crossed rivers, it's called migrating, europeans crossed an ocean, it's called immigration, who's the real "w_tb_ck" now..it's ok though, we know you will always have your excuses, arguments and denials to salve all your shame and guilt for your inhumanity...

Posted by the ilfigga | April 9, 2008 9:59 AM

the mexico the lot of you euro's are squabbling about is vastly mis-represented by many of your own,(aka spanish)descendants, YOU all drew
these artificial lines..1000's of peoples you call mexicans are actually "indigenous" peoples with names and identities just as the lakota, hopi and many others who you call native americans, who did
not! cross the land bridge from siberia! long ago..native yes, american no, peoples living here for centuries before there was any such hint of an america..we crossed rivers, it's called migrating, europeans crossed an ocean, it's called immigration ..it's ok though, we know you will always have your excuses, arguments and denials to try and salve all your shame and guilt

Posted by the ilfigga | April 9, 2008 10:04 AM

"We" crossed rivers? You speak for your ancestors, or maybe you're millennia old? Yes, much of Mexico is made up of aboriginal peoples. So you want to expel all the mestizos & criollos? Bring back the Aztec Empire! Down with the last 500 years!

Shame & guilt? Not here.

Posted by Lewis N. Clark | April 18, 2008 4:46 AM