Ever since I got my bike I've been capable of extraordinary new sexual feats:
That's via Ezra Klein who's got some translation, but really you ought to be able to figure it out.
« Official Prediction | Main | He's a Muslim -- And His Minister's Nuts Too! »
It's True
06 May 2008 11:13 am
Comments (24)
Lmao, as I said over there. This isn't going to work at all. Cars = Money, Money = Status, Status = Sexual desirability. Unless you break that chain, people who ride bikes will continue to be looked upon as 'losers' by most of the country.
Until I read the translation at Ezra's blog, I thought it was a public-service announcement from the Hungarian Post Office.
I had a bike about fifteen years ago, but riding it a lot made my scrotum numb, so I stopped--wisely according to the link in Ezra's post. Matt may soon find extraordinary sexual feats beyond his capacity.
"Bringázz inKább TEis?" What --- exactly --- are you up to, Matty Y.? Bring azz? In a cab?!
Actually, bicycling has been linked to development of prostatitis -- which kinda RUINS your sex life.
Other side effects are a burning desire to wear fuchsia spandex tights in public.
The French are strong devotees of bicycling. Which is why they have to resort to oral sex -- they can no longer do real sex. A further side effect is an attraction to strange culinery dishes.
A public health announcement from Dr Don
One of the reasons I don't bike is that I have been told repeatedly that its tough on the stugots.
Is this not true my biking liberal friends?
PS. Another small reason I dont bike is that I don't want to be associated with those self righteous douches known as Critical Mass,who do everything in their power to block traffic and create a disturbance and then bitch and whine about being harassed by the police.
Real men ride on tubulers.
If you're going numb, you're doing it wrong. Adjust the height or tilt of your seat and check that your handlebars aren't too low. And take a look at the post Ezra linked here.
I had a bike about fifteen years ago, but riding it a lot made my scrotum numb, so I stopped--wisely according to the link in Ezra's post. Matt may soon find extraordinary sexual feats beyond his capacity.
You generally have to ride an awful lot for that to be a problem. While my level of riding has varied tremendously, when I was riding an average of 200 miles a week, I had no such problem, and most men who ride that much don't have that problem.
I did, briefly and temporarily, have that problem, but only after riding 3,500 miles in seven weeks.
And what ML said - making the proper adjustments to your bike can also prevent the problem.
That robe does look comfortable though.
You don't bike because you don't want to be associated with Critical Mass? here is my method - I don't attend critical mass.
I might as well say that I don't drive because I don't want to be associated with those self-righteous douches who demand gas tax rebates but also refuse to buy cars with better fuel economy.
Wow, talking about cycling really gets people petulent and illogical around here. Thanks for informing us that the French don't have intercourse Don, sure that's true.
The impotence thing would only occur if you ride very long distances on a poorly fitted seat. Adjust your seat and handlebars properly and take care to rest your weight on your sit bones and you'll be fine. I ride 50-100 miles a week and have never had any problems. There are also seats with a hole in the middle, to relieve pressure on the taint, which I'd recommend if you ride long distances. And the many other health benefits which come with biking far outweight this tiny risk.
Besides, biking gives you a lean, muscled body and powerful legs, hips, and buttocks, as well as great physical stamina. Seems pretty sexy to me. You bike-haters don't know what you're missing.
Chris B:
You said: "You don't bike because you don't want to be associated with Critical Mass? here is my method - I don't attend critical mass."
Good point. I confess, that its not really one of the reasons. I just wanted to take a shot at Critical Mass. And for your information I do not demand gas tax rebates and I share a car with my spouse that has relatively good fuel economy.
And I don't need to bike to get sculpted buttocks and abs because I do P90X (http://www.beachbody.com/product/fitness_programs/best_sellers/p90x.do).
You generally have to ride an awful lot for that to be a problem. While my level of riding has varied tremendously, when I was riding an average of 200 miles a week, I had no such problem, and most men who ride that much don't have that problem.
I started having numbness a few years ago when the length of my rides started getting up around 35-40 miles. I typically ride only once or twice a week, and it really seemed connected to the length of the individual ride, rather than the total miles.
So I went to Wal-Mart* and got a seat with a groove running down the middle. That solved the problem, and it's stayed solved.
*Not trying to promote Wal-Mart - just making the point that this kind of seat isn't something you'll have to pay $75 for at your bike boutique. I think I paid less than $20 for mine.
Matt's got a Schwinn and eyes for Sally Quinn.
Re low-tech cyclist
Obviously, Mr. low-tech cyclist wouldn't be caught dead on a Serotta Ottrot or a custum made Spectrum.
I got a folding Dahon Jack two Christmases ago, and it was the best $400 my fiancee has ever spent on me -- we made the money back, plus the $150 I spent on two good locks, in a few months by virtue of my not having to buy monthly subway passes anymore. It's as fast or faster than the subway most days, and nothing is so satisfying as cruising through Manhattan, passing cars and pedestrians alike.
I thought it was since you'd become a published author that you'd been capable of extraordinary new sexual feats.
I had a bike about fifteen years ago, but riding it a lot made my scrotum numb
You were doing it wrong.
To those worried about impotency and so on, so much depends on the saddle. People make a phenomenal number of mistakes in terms of fitting bikes and especially fitting the saddle, and that's what causes impotency problems.
I like the Specialized saddles myself because they're available in a number of different widths, but a good old-fashioned Brooks leather racing saddle seems to me like a good bet too unless you're very fine/narrow boned.
Saddles that are too soft put strain on organs that they should not, whereas firm saddles put the strain on the seat bones where it belongs -- unless of course they're too narrow, in which case you're right back to where you are with a soft saddle, in other words, a very painful place. A firm saddle that's too wide -- a much rarer situation -- is damned uncomfortable but at least won't do too much besides constrict the movement of your legs.
All this talk about sexual prowess aside, I think we can generalize that the idea here is to promote cycling as a good idea. Sex is just a stand-in for getting someone to think it's a good idea. The real flaw with this program is that only a small group of people will consider cycling until they feel it's safer, or that it really is demonstrably cheaper than driving or whatever. and the only way to do that is to MAKE it safer or cheaper, by spending real money on infrastructure*, funded by some degree of extra tax burden on driving. Public service campaigns are great, if they explain what public policy has just been made that tilts away from built-in strucural subsidies of automobiles and towards some fairness towards bike use.
* Vehicular cyclists can shut up before they start, since their strategy has been very effective at keeping cycling rates in the low single digits.
On a related note, I noticed a banner ad for HITS at Kevin Drum's place that poses the question: "Can Matt Yglesias Go Long?"
Bicycling is definitely less conducive to sex than driving. Somehow, much harder to go somewhere together, and when you do, someone gets exhausted, etc. Inviting a comely hitchhiker is out of the question. (But do they still exist?)
However, biking gives you a bit different personality, at that may be helpful. Leaner, more fearless.
It is different in countries with rich bike culture. In Germany where I am visiting now, bicyclists look exactly the same as the rest of the population: some are young (as young as 3), some old, lean and fat, any kind of dress including 3 piece suits and long skirts. Among younger age cohort, my impression is that on the average, German girls are bigger and stronger. Can you imagine an American co-ed giving boyfriend a ride after a disco party, him sitting on her bike rack? Now, that's conducive...
| 
Heads in the Sand
Since I've been a frequent cyclist since well before I started having sexual partners, I have no basis to compare whether cycling has improved my abilities in that department.
But it sure is a fun way of getting around, at least during the part of the year when wind-chill isn't a problem.
Posted by low-tech cyclist | May 6, 2008 11:20 AM