Purple Toupee

I'm no longer convinced that John McCain should make a one term pledge. After all, as commenters to the previous post argued there are other ways to make TMBG relevant to the McCain campaign. Consider, for example, "Purple Toupee" which I think he should use as a theme song.

First, McCain's desire to see heightened China-Taiwan tensions in order to prompt a new Cold War and inflate his own sense of self-importance:

Chinese people were fighting in the park
We tried to help them fight, no one appreciated that
Martin X was mad when they outlawed bell bottoms
Ten years later they were sharing the same cell
I shouted out, "Free the Expo '67"
Till they stepped on my hair, and they told me I was fat
Now I'm very big, I'm a big important man
And the only thing that's different is underneath my hat

And more broadly, a an anachronistic authoritarian streak:

Purple toupee is here to stay after the hair has gone away
The purple brigade is marching from the grave

We're on some kind of mission
We have an obligation
We have to wear toupees

Don't say you weren't warned.

Comments

OT, but I've always felt the misremembering-the-1960s words of "Purple Toupee" and "Ana Ng" are up there with Cole Porter for all-time sheer lyrical cleverness and associative brilliance. Who was at the Dupont Pavilion, Senator McCain?

Posted by James Gary | May 7, 2008 2:59 PM

I think John McCain should actually wear a purple toupee. That would liven up the race.

Posted by fostert | May 7, 2008 3:07 PM

Agreed, JG.

And "I don't want the world--I just want your half" does strike me as a pretty fair summary of the Neocon position in a lot of ways.

Great vidlink, Matt.

Posted by PC | May 7, 2008 3:07 PM

Confuciofascism! YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST.

Posted by M | May 7, 2008 3:11 PM

Dude, the part of the song quoted is so dense with references to actual events of the 1960s that it just doesn't make sense to pretend that it applies to McCain today.

Better might be the first cut off their latest album, "I'm Impressed"

I'm impressed, I'm impressed
When that gorilla pounds his desk
I fall to bits, I confess
I admit, I'm impressed
Through generalissimo's request
I can't help but feel impressed

Posted by skeptic | May 7, 2008 3:36 PM

That is awesome! That's about how McCain sees the world.

Posted by Chris | May 7, 2008 3:40 PM

It should also be pointed out that John McCain is older than he's ever been, and now he's even older, and now he's even older, and now he's even older. He's older than he's ever been, and now he's even older. And now he's older still.

Posted by Galen | May 7, 2008 3:44 PM

On the contrary: John McCain is a mass of incandescent gas.

Posted by JSE | May 7, 2008 3:58 PM

Maybe he could win by wearing a prosthetic forehead on his real head? Someone in this town is trying to burn the playhouse down--they want to stop the ones who want prosthetic foreheads on their heads. But everybody wants prosthetic foreheads on their real heads.

Posted by DrBB | May 7, 2008 4:10 PM

"I'm impressed, I'm impressed
When that gorilla pounds his desk
I fall to bits, I confess
I admit, I'm impressed
Through generalissimo's request
I can't help but feel impressed"

Sounds like a Transhumanist wrote that one - clearly identifying human behavior as primate behavior.

Posted by Richard Steven Hack | May 7, 2008 4:36 PM

Or you could highlight McCain's desire to attack Iran.

Tired of waiting,
Tired of watching,
Negotiating,
Parading around.

Now you know that the girls are just making it up,
Now you know that the boys are just pushing their luck,
Now you know that my ride doesn't really exist,
And my name's not really on that list.

Can you tell that I'm planning prevenge?
Read my mind, yes, I'm planning prevenge,
At the freak show,
In the front row,
Mi amigo,
Lost in the sound.

Posted by Rambuncle | May 7, 2008 4:47 PM

McCain on his qualifications:

"One thousand years old
Sure you think that's old
One thousand years old
But what do you know?
In my darkest hour, I'm talking like this
For I am one thousand years old."

McCain on fiscal policy:

"Where was I?
I forgot the point that I was making
I was saying if I was smart that
I would save up for a piece of string
And a rock to wind a string around."

McCain on his personal health:

"I'm having a heart attack
I'm having a heart attack
I'm having a heart attack
I'm having a heart attack"

McCain on global warming:

"Why is the world in love again?
Why are we marching hand in hand?
Why are the ocean levels rising up?"

McCain's speech when he accepts the nomination:

"I destroyed the bond of friendship and respect
Between the only people left
Who'd even look me in the eye
Now I laugh and make a fortune
Off the same ones that I torture
And the world screams
'Kiss me, Son of God.'"

Kind of eerie, isn't it?

Posted by PC | May 7, 2008 4:51 PM

McCain on his qualifications:

"One thousand years old
Sure you think that's old
One thousand years old
But what do you know?
In my darkest hour, I'm talking like this
For I am one thousand years old."

McCain on fiscal policy:

"Where was I?
I forgot the point that I was making
I was saying if I was smart that
I would save up for a piece of string
And a rock to wind a string around."

McCain on his personal health:

"I'm having a heart attack
I'm having a heart attack
I'm having a heart attack
I'm having a heart attack"

McCain on global warming:

"Why is the world in love again?
Why are we marching hand in hand?
Why are the ocean levels rising up?"

McCain's speech when he accepts the nomination:

"I destroyed the bond of friendship and respect
Between the only people left
Who'd even look me in the eye
Now I laugh and make a fortune
Off the same ones that I torture
And the world screams
'Kiss me, Son of God.'"

Kind of eerie, isn't it?

Posted by PC | May 7, 2008 4:52 PM

Ha! This is fun! Who knew TMBG could apply to McCain in so many ways? I'm surprised no one's suggested this one yet, though:

"There were 87 advil in the bottle,
now there's 30 left.
I ate 47, so what happened to the other ten?
Why do you suspiciously change the subject
and break my concentration
as I pour the bottle out
and I count the advil up again?

Don't interrupt me
as I struggle to complete this thought!
Have some respect for someone
more forgetful than yourself!
And I'm not done
and I won't be till my head falls off!"

Posted by lackluster | May 7, 2008 4:58 PM

Of course on the Democratic side, the theme song of the primaries could be "End of the Tour." The whole thing sort of works, but the chorus especially:

At the end of the tour
When the road disappears
If there's any more people around
When the tour runs aground
And if you're still around
Then we'll meet at the end of the tour
The engagements are booked through the end of the world
So we'll meet at the end of the tour

Posted by Galen | May 7, 2008 5:24 PM

THIS

Posted by Ben | May 7, 2008 5:54 PM

IS

Posted by ken | May 7, 2008 5:55 PM

EXCELLENT

Posted by john | May 7, 2008 5:56 PM

EXCELLENT

Posted by john | May 7, 2008 5:56 PM

McCain's mideast policy: "Take me back to Constantinople."

Posted by David B. | May 7, 2008 5:56 PM

Unfortunately this will be McCain's rejoinder to Obama on Wright:

It was the loveliest party that Ive ever attended
If anything was broken Im sure it could be mended
My head cant tolerate this bobbing and pretending
Listen to some bullet-head and the madness that hes saying

This is where the party ends
Ill just sit here wondering how you
Can stand by your racist friend
I know politics bore you
But I feel like a hypocrite talking to you
You and your racist friend

Posted by crack | May 7, 2008 8:10 PM

Funny, crack, I was about to quote the exact same lyric about John Hagee.

Posted by Matt Weiner | May 7, 2008 8:59 PM

And of course, McCain on jobs:

"Minimum WAAAAAAAAAAGE!
YEEE-AAAA!
*CRACK!*"

Posted by PC | May 7, 2008 9:52 PM

Unfortunately Matt, you left out the most important part between the 2 sections of the song you cited:

La la la la la la la,
La la la la la la la la,
La la la ...

Truly, this sums up the McCain Campaign/RNC/Limbaugh/Hannity/National Review/Weekly Standard/Commentary/Politico/(etc. here) response to any point you have to make here.

It's less "Know Hope" as Andrew says, and more "Read a Book!"

**sigh**

Posted by GMC | May 7, 2008 10:54 PM

Unfortunately Matt, you left out the most important part between the 2 sections of the song you cited:

La la la la la la la,
La la la la la la la la,
La la la ...

Truly, this sums up the McCain Campaign/RNC/Limbaugh/Hannity/National Review/Weekly Standard/Commentary/Politico/(etc. here) response to any point you have to make here.

It's less "Know Hope" as Andrew says, and more "Read a Book!"

**sigh**

Posted by GMC | May 7, 2008 10:55 PM

McCain wants to beat people up for stating their beliefs. He wants a shoehorn with teeth.

Posted by jonp72 | May 8, 2008 12:31 AM

For HRC's campaign: This is the dawning of the cage and aquarium/Don't think a moment too soon/Used to be different, now you're the same/Yawn as your plane goes down in flames.

Posted by twb | May 8, 2008 11:45 AM