Matthew Yglesias (June 03, 2008) - Bad Movies (Culture)

I give you the single worst movie in the history of Hollywood: Toys (starring Robin Williams and LL Cool J)

Posted by Chris | June 3, 2008 5:20 PM

I vote for Point of No Return, the awful La Femme Nikita remake with Bridget Fonda and Gabriel Byrne. Its basically the same movie as Luc Besson's classic, just in English not French, yet somehow the Fonda version is totally unwatchable.

Posted by Ken | June 3, 2008 5:22 PM

Congo is a good bad one, although "Stop eating my sesame cake!" drinks the milkshake of all awesome movie one-liners.

I would put "Dreamcatcher" up there. It's an awful awful Stephen King adaptation, even by the standards of Stephen King adaptations. It also features Morgan Freeman blowing up aliens while having weird owl-like eyebrows. Not as fun as it sounds.

Posted by Just Another Greg | June 3, 2008 5:23 PM

I suspect we don't have to go back more than even five years in order to find 101 movies you should avoid watching before you die. I submit Crash, not only a studio release but a Best Picture award winner for the top of the list.

Posted by Dan | June 3, 2008 5:24 PM

tango & cash.

the problem with this exercise is that truly bad movies are campy, and thus entertaining. so you're really looking for crushing mediocrity.

Posted by dj superflat | June 3, 2008 5:26 PM

It seems to me like the list has to consist of movies that truly attempt to be good, or artistic. While 'Crash' does kind of suck, its not like its worse than Roadhouse. Now me personally, I love Roadhouse, but it in that "its so bad its good" kind of way. I don't think we should count those movies.

Posted by Stacy | June 3, 2008 5:28 PM

The Wicker Man...

These moments of utter badness are genuinely the highlights of the film.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=e6i2WRreARo

Posted by Tom B. | June 3, 2008 5:28 PM

Face Out, or Double Face Head, or Two Face...whatever that Nick Cage and Travolta movie was called where they shared or switched their faces to quite stupid effect.

Posted by MP | June 3, 2008 5:28 PM

Orca

It seems edited by a bunch of drunks with scotch tape.

Posted by Thom Tobiason | June 3, 2008 5:29 PM

Congo does have one mildly redeeming feature - it utterly discredits anything Michael Crichton has ever or will ever write.

Posted by Gabriel | June 3, 2008 5:30 PM

The Wicker Man...

These moments of utter badness are genuinely the highlights of the film.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=e6i2WRreARo

Posted by Tom B. | June 3, 2008 5:32 PM

Speaking of bad editing, I was pretty sure the reels were out of order when I saw Austin Powers 3.

Posted by Zach | June 3, 2008 5:32 PM

Star Wars: The Phantom Menace was the worst movie I've actually seen in a theater, and daylight second. I hated every minute of that piece of crap.

But Hollow Man is probably the worst major-release movie I've ever seen. It was stupid, poorly-acted (it starred Keanu Reeves, for starters), illogical, and deeply, deeply unpleasant in the way that only a really badly-made movie with a determination to be "dark" can be.

Somewhat less unpleasant, but the most RIDICULOUS movie I've ever seen, was 1975's Bug, about a species of insect that can rub its legs together to become a living incendiary device.

Posted by Nate | June 3, 2008 5:32 PM

Face/Off is absolutely awful. And yes, the official title includes the "/." Wouldn't Face/Off make a lot more sense if Cage/Travolta simply would have switched brains instead? The idea of them switching faces, bodies, height is way to much for me to swallow. Simply switch their brains, call it "Heads Up" or something, and now you've got a movie.

Posted by Stacy | June 3, 2008 5:33 PM

Toys--now there's an honest-to-goodness bad movie. The thread over at Crooked Timber is a hilarious display of movie snobbery: see how many people can warn you about bad movies without embarrassing themselves by admitting that the watch bad movies. So people are mentioning films like the Spanish Prisoner, Moulin Rouge, Junebug, You've Got Mail and Life is Beautiful. If you don't like those kind of moives, fine, but it seems a bit close-minded to believe that no one could ever like these movies and so we'd better warn them.

Posted by Colatina | June 3, 2008 5:33 PM

I think we have to leave out movies that have camp value, such as Tango & Cash, Battlefield Earth, Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever, or even Catwoman.

I would have to nominate "M. Night Shyamalan's Signs", which somehow manages to be a terrible science fiction movie with absolutely no camp value. Before Mr. Shyamalan came along, I didn't think such a thing was possible.

Posted by matthewcc | June 3, 2008 5:34 PM

I note on the Crooked Timber discussion that the same actors tend to keep cropping up in the suggested pictures. Already here, I see some of the same, Nick Cage and Robin Williams, cited, though not necessarily for the same movies. Are some actors/actresses drawn to lousy stuff?

Posted by David in NY | June 3, 2008 5:34 PM

The problem with these lists is that people inevitably devolve into choosing "Overrated and I didn't like it" movies rather than the ones that will truly make you feel like two hours of your life were lost.

My choices are "Down To You" with Freddie Prinze, Jr. and "Very Bad Things", whose only worthwhile moment was Cameron Diaz killing Christian Slater.

Posted by Tyro | June 3, 2008 5:35 PM

Absolute Power, though, really is a terrible film.

Posted by Gabriel | June 3, 2008 5:35 PM

I'd say The Wickerman (the original) is so campy it's good.

My list:
Superbad (sucky sucky suckyness)
Golden Compass
Across the Universe (Julie Taymor is overrated!)
Girl on a Swing (anyone remember this one?)
Who's that Girl (and anything else Madonna touched other than Desperately Seeking Susan which was ok in an 80's teen sort of way)
Boxing Helena (may be too weird for even the campy category)

Posted by Lesley | June 3, 2008 5:36 PM

Robin Williams sort of seems like he is. Honestly, I can't think of a big name with a bigger roster of truly wretched movies than him.

Posted by Just Another Greg | June 3, 2008 5:38 PM

Oh, I forgot: King Arthur with Clive Owen.

I had trouble watching movies with Clive Owen for a couple of years after that came out.

Posted by Tyro | June 3, 2008 5:38 PM

Jaws: the Revenge is without question the worst movie ever made. The premise is that a great white shark knows, through either searching through flight manifests or picking up the info from shark buddies, that the family of a guy he ate some time ago moved to the Bahamas. So he travels down there to get 'em.

That's really the plot.

Posted by dday | June 3, 2008 5:38 PM

It seems to me that some actors come off as pretentious, therefore giving their movies a sense of taking themselves too seriously. I think Nic Cage falls into this category. He made Raising Arizona and his career has gone downhill from there.

Posted by Stacy | June 3, 2008 5:38 PM

Gladiator was incredibly shitty.

Posted by dj moonbat | June 3, 2008 5:39 PM

Another movie you'd do well to avoid would be The Avengers with Ralph Fiennes, Uma Thurman and Sean Connery.

Posted by Dan | June 3, 2008 5:40 PM

Babel.

I hate-hate-HATED that movie. A group of dumb people make bad decisions and suffer, all in a very pretentious, cross-cut, we-are-the-world style. Ugh.

I didn't much care for Haggis's "Crash," either, but it least that had Kevin Dillon's performance going for it.

Posted by Tom | June 3, 2008 5:41 PM

The Hulk. Simultaneously the dullest and most inane comic book adaptation ever.

Posted by Rob | June 3, 2008 5:41 PM

Another movie you'd do well to avoid would be The Avengers with Ralph Fiennes, Uma Thurman and Sean Connery.

Posted by Dan | June 3, 2008 5:43 PM

"Gladiator was incredibly shitty."

Case in point (see above).

Posted by Colatina | June 3, 2008 5:43 PM

Jaws: the Revenge is without question the worst movie ever made. The premise is that a great white shark knows, through either searching through flight manifests or picking up the info from shark buddies, that the family of a guy he ate some time ago moved to the Bahamas. So he travels down there to get 'em.

That's really the plot.

Posted by dday | June 3, 2008 5:43 PM

The fact that Gladiator and Crash won best pictures in the same decade is really depressing. Oh, you can include Million Dollar Baby in there as well. That movie sucked. Big time.

Posted by Ted2 | June 3, 2008 5:44 PM

Moulin Rouge (if only I could unwatch specifically the Smells Like Teen Spirit cover ... brrrr)

Matrix sequels

Star Wars prequels

Tomb Raider

Hackers

Amelie

Titanic

(Yes, this list is effectively a shameful admission that I have, in fact, watched all of the above. Thank God for the relative anonymity of the internets)

Posted by Annonnyymouuussss | June 3, 2008 5:47 PM

Battlefield Earth.

Posted by Man Animal | June 3, 2008 5:49 PM

Phantom Menace. And the second movie of the recent 3 Star Wars too (whatever it's name was). And presumably the third movie, although I never did see it, given how horrible the first two were.

Actually, all sequels should be exempt from this discussion, since they are almost all terrible and thus too easy to as answers.

Posted by Al | June 3, 2008 5:50 PM

"Enough" with Jennifer Lopez.

Posted by CJH | June 3, 2008 5:50 PM

Highlander II - by far the worst movie ever made.

Final Analysis - a bad knockoff of Basic Instinct, a terrible movie itself that did better than it should have because of the huffing and puffing about a, gasp, bisexual woman killer

Posted by PaulDem | June 3, 2008 5:51 PM

Showgirls is the worst movie ever made. Any movie that can make a heterosexual male wish they would just stop showing naked breasts already has to be #1.

Posted by J.W. Hamner | June 3, 2008 5:51 PM

OK, I don't see so many movies anymore, but the one from the past that I remember as truly painful, without redeeming value, was Tommy the alleged rock opera which truly did not enhance one's appreciation of the music. Perhaps the only movie I remember leaving in the middle.

I also remember McCabe and Mrs. Miller being very painful, though that may simply be that with Altman's soundtrack full of mumbles and cross-talk, I couldn't tell what the heck was going on (I confess I don't hear so well), or maybe it was just really boring and lousy and long.

Finally, I leave out some cheapies I endured with my children on hot Saturday afternoons as not being fair game here.

Posted by David in NY | June 3, 2008 5:52 PM

WATERWORLD! That one was so bad on so many levels, it really should be at the top of the list.

Posted by AZmando | June 3, 2008 5:53 PM

I was once stuck on an airplane showing "Leonard Part 6". I was praying that we'd crash.

Posted by Seitz | June 3, 2008 5:54 PM

There are, obviously, lots and lots of really poor movies out there that none of us will ever bother to see (unless we are totally desperate some night and Blockbuster is badly picked over). However to be really awful I think a movie has to be something you expect to be decent, because of the director, the actors or maybe a book it was based on. I would nominate "The Vampire LeStat" in this category. The first Anne Rice adaptation ("Interview With The Vampire") had been done so exquisitely well that I had high hopes for this one and it totally sucked-- no worse, a vampire movie ought to "suck" I suppose: It stunk. I recall one critic quipping that the female lead (forget her name) who died in a plane crash was fortunate that she will never have to be reminded how dreadful her performance was. My friend who took me dinner and this movie for my birthday landed in the ER with a violent attack of "stomach flu" later and he jokes to this day he isn't sure if this was from something he ate at dinner or from watching the movie.

Posted by JonF | June 3, 2008 5:54 PM

Given that I found Van Helsing campy, so bad-it's-good that I didn't warn people away from it (unless they asked) ...

how did BloodRayne earn a sequel? Has a worse movie ever begat a sequel?

Here is Ben Kingsley's response to the immortal question, "What were you thinking when you accepted a role in Bloodrayne?"

Posted by Aaron | June 3, 2008 5:54 PM

"Dungeons and Dragons" is a hidden gem of the awful movie genre. Unbelievably bad, but in such hilarious ways that you can actually enjoy watching it. It's full of brazen ripoffs of every single sci-fi/fantasy convention, but with worse acting, poorer special effects, and more gravity-defying plot leaps. And for some reason, Jeremy Irons is in it. Really not to be missed.

Posted by BC | June 3, 2008 5:54 PM

this is funny, because people keep listing movies that i actually liked (face/off, signs). almost by definition, a movie that makes a gizillion dollars like those two can't be that awful (hard to get so many viewers for absolute crab, unless you're the first star wars installment in a generation).

Posted by dj superflat | June 3, 2008 5:55 PM

I change my vote. The only answer is Battlefield Earth. Also, don't really get the hatred for Titanic. Maybe a bit sappy and overhyped, but its not a bad movie by any definition.

Posted by Donald | June 3, 2008 5:55 PM

Gone in Sixty Seconds- so was 1/2 the audience. Silent Hill- not scary, just gross
The Village- hippies in the woods!!
Blade 3- Ruined the trilogy. Given his tax issues, I am sure Snipes is going volunteer for Part 4.

Posted by Bob Oso | June 3, 2008 5:58 PM

Given my apparent lack of bias against monster movies, considering I found Van Helsing campy, so bad-it's-good that I didn't warn people away from it (unless they asked), I think it is fair to ask ...

how did BloodRayne earn a sequel? Has a worse movie ever begat a sequel?

Here is Ben Kingsley's response to the immortal question, "What were you thinking when you accepted a role in Bloodrayne?"

Posted by Aaron | June 3, 2008 5:59 PM

I'd say Bruce Almighty is the worst movie ever to have a sequal. I can't decide which one is worse.

dj superflat, when is the last time you watched Face/Off? It hasn't 'aged' well. Also, it would have made a lot more sense IF THEY WOULD HAVE SWITCHED BRAINS! This absolutely kills me.

Posted by Stacy | June 3, 2008 6:00 PM

Excuse me, but I'm getting on in years. Did you say "Crash won the Academy Award for Best Picture. Because, blessedly, I saw the previews for that one, and said, "Never!" They were trying to make it look good and it still looked horrible. And lots of people on these lists have mentioned it.

Maybe we could start a "Worst Picture to Win Academy Award for Best Picture or Best Director" category. Sounds like Crash is the early front runner.

Posted by David in NY | June 3, 2008 6:01 PM

Superman III, mentioned in the comments thread Matt linked to, is hideously bad. Not as bad as Anaconda though. The Phantom Menace is really, really bad. Almost as bad as Anaconda.

Posted by Led | June 3, 2008 6:01 PM

I second the badness of The Avengers. Fiennes and Thurman looked fabulous, but the movie was a stinker. And I've got to believe that I'm not the only person who got a nice long nap during LOTR II & III.

Posted by CParis | June 3, 2008 6:01 PM

maybe it's the combination of high expectations and disappointment that really does it? e.g., matrix II was one of the biggest film disappointments i can recall (i'm sure others will chime in to say they loved it), so much so i didn't watch the third. then there are things like the avengers, with good cast and premise, but just nothing there.

Posted by dj superflat | June 3, 2008 6:03 PM

Oh for the love of god!
Yes we get it. You have refined tastes and are not swayed by either popularity or the Oscars. When we want to talk about the most bourgeois, overrated, middlebrow movies ever, then feel free to mention Gladiator or Million Dollar Baby.

But this is a thread about the 101 worst movies ever (or something like that).
Matt even gets the ball rolling nicely with Congo and Absolute Power. But a bunch of hipster ponces can't help mentioning Crash. Ugh!

Kudos to the guy who mentioned Jaws: the revenge. To that I'd "White Chicks". My god that movie was terrible.

Posted by WillieStyle | June 3, 2008 6:03 PM

David in NY,
Crash was not a great movie, but I think its better than Gladiator AND Million Dollar Baby. Other movies that just won. Also, the original Rocky won Best Picture as well. Kind of funny until you see what else was nominated that year. Then it becomes REALLY funny.

Posted by Ted2 | June 3, 2008 6:04 PM

Maybe we could start a "Worst Picture to Win Academy Award for Best Picture or Best Director" category. Sounds like Crash is the early front runner.

There are a lot of other one out there, esp. from the eighties, but I'm going to have to submit Forrest Gump. Not a bad movie, but definitely a mediocre one--which is fitting, as it's a celebration of mediocrity.

Had the ignominious distinction of beating--rather soundly, actually--the most culturally relevant movie of the last twenty years. Not the Academy's finest hour.

Posted by scythia | June 3, 2008 6:05 PM

I hated Crank, which I suspect they imagined as a black comedy, but decided it would work as an action movie.. Sexist, racist, homophobic(the gay sidekick's fate is to be shot to pieces and used as shielding),stoopid. And J. Statham rolling on a blue screen as he's supposed to be falling to his death made me giggle.
Chronicles of Riddickwas a confusing mess, alluding to the earlier (and not so good)Pitch Black. I hope Judi Dench got good money for slumming in this incoherent mess.
I actually won ticket (answering a radio contest) to Howard the Duck, people were walking out, and I was embarrassed for the actors..Not even campy.
And I was at a screening of Hitchcock's Marnie at a summer school for gifted teens, who laughed at the bad plotting, the crude symbolism, the closeups of tortured expressions. Sean Connery showed an early sign of his late decline in this oddly silly movie. Ever the great ones sometimes deliver turkeys.

Posted by MR Bill | June 3, 2008 6:05 PM

WillieStyle, you need to chill out. Nerd. Its an open thread. I don't think anyone is saying those movies are one of the 101 worst movies ever. This was discussed much earlier. Where's the fun in comparing 'White Chicks' to 'Epic Movie?'

Posted by TheBulge | June 3, 2008 6:06 PM

how did BloodRayne earn a sequel? Has a worse movie ever begat a sequel?

Uwe Boll had funding to film them back-to-back. Thank God Germany closed that tax loop-hole that guaranteed Uwe funding for all of his failed ventures.

Posted by Walker | June 3, 2008 6:07 PM

Cube - the worst movie ever. So stupid. A major plot point was whether three digit numbers were powers of primes. The sequel was named Hypercube, which is kind of cool. The prequel, however, was not named Square. No matter, this really is a terrible movie.

Boxing Helena - so pointless. Although, Garfunkel's hair almost makes it watchable.

Basically, I hate movies that try to be cult classics but fail badly.

Posted by Joe | June 3, 2008 6:09 PM

That should be "culturally important," obviously, it's not like PF captured the body-dumping, french fast food-eating zeitgeist of the nineties.

But a bunch of hipster ponces can't help mentioning Crash.

Poor acting values, hackneyed script, maudlin enough to stir emotion but totally breaks down upon closer examination. The word that most aptly describes it? "Bathetic."

Excuse me if my jeans are too tight for my opinion to be valid.

Posted by scythia | June 3, 2008 6:09 PM

I cannot believe this thread has gone on this long without Highlander 2: The Quickening. Well, at least we got a shout out for Uwe Boll. His entire catalogue should be condemned.

Posted by Walker | June 3, 2008 6:11 PM

Species II. Not campy enough to be watchable.

Bird on a Wire. Mel Gibson and Goldy Hawn. For me, the geographical bloopers were the only entertaining part of the movie. Set in Detroit, they showed us a beautiful mountain sunset and a ferry ride from Detroit to Racine.

I'd go on, but I'm mercifully drawing a blank.

Posted by mwg | June 3, 2008 6:12 PM

STAY, starring Ewan McGregor, Naomi Watts and Ryan Gosling. So pointlessly terribly everyone involved in the film should be punched in the face.

Mike

Posted by MBunge | June 3, 2008 6:13 PM

Funny Games.
I am less of a human for having watched it.

The only redeeming sliver to the film: 60 seconds or so of John Zorn's Naked City.

Posted by bartkid | June 3, 2008 6:13 PM

Everyone's familiar with Roadhouse, right? You know the scene where Terry Funk tells Sam Elliot, "mind your own business, Dad." Well, they both happened to be 45 at the time. Sorry if your head just exploded.

Posted by Stacy | June 3, 2008 6:14 PM

Thanks for the perspective, Ted2, on Crash and other lousy Award winners. Gotta keep in mind stuff like that. I always remember, for example, that a song named "God Didn't Make Little Green Apples" beat out "Hey, Jude" for the best single Grammy in 1968.

Posted by David in NY | June 3, 2008 6:15 PM

Yeah, there really are too many terrible movies to list. I also think it is much more efficient to narrow the list to movies which won major Academy Awards, while not just being overrated, but being really awful. "Crash" fits the category for me, as does "Titanic", "Dances with Wolves", "American Beauty", and possibly "Gladiator".

I can see putting "Million Dollar Baby" in also, although it is one of those movies that I see occasionally where about 15 minutes worth of scenes, if competently re-written, I could see it being salvaged, although certainly never becoming actually good. In contrast, it seems to me that 70 to 80 percent of "Crash" or "American Beauty" would have to be completely rewritten and reshot to make them watchable.

Posted by Will Allen | June 3, 2008 6:16 PM

Thanks for the perspective, Ted2, on Crash and other lousy Award winners. Gotta keep in mind stuff like that. I always remember, for example, that a song named "God Didn't Make Little Green Apples" beat out "Hey, Jude" for the best single Grammy in 1968.

Posted by David in NY | June 3, 2008 6:16 PM

This is a dumb question. It's like asking who is the worst golfer in the world. There numbers are legion, so who cares?

Instead, what's the worst movie by a legitimate major director? And to narrow it down, not just a piece of early or late hackwork, but a mid-career effort that reflects the auteur's inner essence?

Of the top of my head, I'd nominate "She Hate Me" by Spike Lee in 2004, the movie in which he asks, If gays can get married, why can't guys have multiple wives? In it, Spike gives us his views of lesbians (against, unless they look like Monica Belucci), eugenics (for), and polygamy (definitely for, especially if your wives are hot bisexuals).

http://www.isteve.com/Film_She_Hate_Me.htm

Posted by Steve Sailer | June 3, 2008 6:18 PM

WillieStyle is right on!

Crash, Gladiator, Million Dollar Baby are nowhere near the worst movies ever. Even the Star Wars prequels. If you think they are, then you have either absolutely no sense of proportion or the best ever luck in never having seen really bad movies.

Has anyone ever seen "Hudson Hawk"?

Posted by Grogor | June 3, 2008 6:18 PM

Reminds me of Esquire's old end of the year round up of mistakes and misdeeds.

What's playing at the Hell Plaza Octoplex:
Daddy DayCare, Air Bud, Phat Girlz, Bio-Dome, Baby Geniuses, Rollerball remake, Bewitched, The Mod Squad.

Posted by CParis | June 3, 2008 6:20 PM

V.I. Warshawski. Even looking at Kathleen Turner can't save it.

Posted by Mudge | June 3, 2008 6:22 PM

Grogor,
I think you are missing the point. No one is saying that are seriously one of the worst 101 movies ever made. Debating the 101 worst movies ever made is no fun. But yes, Hudson Hawk was awful.

Re: Million Dollar Baby
Why does everyone keep telling her she lost the fight?! This absolutely drives me insanse. She got hit in between rounds. The other fighter clearly would have forfeit meaning that Hillary Swank would have won. The film was unwatchable from that point forward. This is inexcusable.

Posted by Stacy | June 3, 2008 6:23 PM

Worst movie to spawn sequels has to be Porky's, no?

Posted by Kurt | June 3, 2008 6:24 PM

I voted for Bruce Almighty earlier. The original Porky's rules.

Posted by Stacy | June 3, 2008 6:26 PM

Now in order to maintain my own hipster cred, I feel compelled to say that I hated Gladiator and Crash and Million Dollar baby. But let's try to maintain perspective here folks.

I think one of the hardest parts of being a critic is appreciating middlebrow dreck. Sleepless in Seattle, for instance, is about as formulaic as a romantic comedy can get. But it employs the formula competently. One should be able to appreciate that without liking the movie.

And fine, maybe there's no point in adding campy trash like Batman and Robin. But can we not all agree that there are at least 101 movies like Powder that are much, much worse than Crash?

Posted by WillieStyle | June 3, 2008 6:28 PM

I think it's implicit in the notion of "Movies to Avoid Watching Before You Die" that a person might, after reflection, be tempted to see that movie. I believe that a substantial number of the candidates here barely fit that category. On the other hand, the really crappy movies that had well-established stars, got Academy Academy awards, were trying for cult status, have directors with hyper-inflated egos, or the like, present interesting questions. You might save a friend a couple of hours of his/her life by mentioning them here.

Posted by David in NY | June 3, 2008 6:28 PM

'Battlefield Earth' might truly be the worst film ever made that had a real budget and name actors.

A special place in hell is reserved for the following, however:

2) The Wicker Man (pick either one, really)

3) Grease 2 (Ok... We are planning to do a sequel to a highly successful and popular musical. I have a thought... Let's spend about a buck fitty for the score.)

4) Little Buddha (Keanu Reeves as Siddartha, anybody?)

5) Magnolia (I give this movie the finger. Shame on you, Paul Thomas Anderson. Shame on you.)

Posted by benniefly2 | June 3, 2008 6:30 PM

Yeah, Stacy, like I said, about 15 minutes worth rewritten and reshot scenes could turn "Million Dollar Baby" into something watchable. This type of movie is more of a mystery to me than the really crappy ones which win Academy Awards. I mean, other than throwing nearly the whole thing out, how do you save "Crash"? I can see how it just gets released, with fingers crossed. A movie with some decent elements, however, with a few exceptionally bad turns, it seems to me would open the possibility of getting fixed.

Posted by Will Allen | June 3, 2008 6:32 PM

Plan 9 From Outer Space.

Loved by some for being "so bad it's good," but I think it's really just bad.

Posted by Mixner | June 3, 2008 6:34 PM

Ah, I was waiting for a mention of Porky's. All I know of it is that it, and its sequels, made some in-laws of mine, whose business bankrolled it, rich and even more insufferable than they had been before. Though even they had the good taste to think it was a travesty, although a lucrative one, that it had any sequels.

Posted by David in NY | June 3, 2008 6:34 PM

Anybody here ever seen "Pink Flamingo"??

Posted by Don Williams | June 3, 2008 6:35 PM

I think every movie makes, in various ways, a contract with the audience. We measure it against that contract, not on an absolute scale. From that perspective, it makes sense to say that "Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter" was okay, but a movie like "The Man Who Wasn't There" was awful. The latter was being measured against the high standards of a Coen brother's movie, and it just didn't stand a chance.

Posted by Joe | June 3, 2008 6:38 PM

Joe Queenan's actually already done this, and pretty well:

To qualify as one of the worst films of all time, several strict requirements must be met. For starters, a truly awful movie must have started out with some expectation of not being awful. That is why making a horrific, cheapo motion picture that stars Hilton or Jessica Simpson is not really much of an accomplishment. Did anyone seriously expect a film called The Hottie and The Nottie not to suck? Two, an authentically bad movie has to be famous; it can't simply be an obscure student film about a boy who eats live rodents to impress dead girls. Three, the film cannot be a deliberate attempt to make the worst movie ever, as this is cheating. Four, the film must feature real movie stars, not jocks, bozos, has-beens or fleetingly famous media fabrications like Hilton. Five, the film must generate a negative buzz long before it reaches cinemas; like the Black Plague or the Mongol invasions, it must be an impending disaster of which there has been abundant advance warning; it cannot simply appear out of nowhere. And it must, upon release, answer the question: could it possibly be as bad as everyone says it is? This is what separates Waterworld, a financial disaster but not an uncompromisingly dreadful film, and Ishtar, which has one or two amusing moments, from The Postman, Gigli and Heaven's Gate, all of which are bona fide nightmares.

Six, to qualify as one of the worst movies ever made, a motion picture must induce a sense of dread in those who have seen it, a fear that they may one day be forced to watch the film again - and again - and again. To pass muster as one of the all-time celluloid disasters, a film must be so bad that when a person is asked, "Which will it be? Waterboarding, invasive cattle prods or Jersey Girl?", the answer needs no further reflection. This phenomenon resembles Stockholm Syndrome, where a victim ends up befriending his tormentors, so long as they promise not to make him watch any more Kevin Smith movies. The condition is sometimes referred to as Blunted Affleck.

There is one other requirement for a movie to be considered one of the worst ever: it must keep getting worse. By this, I mean that it not only must keep getting worse while you are watching it, but it must, upon subsequent viewings, seem even worse than the last time you saw it. That is what distinguishes Ishthar from Gigli and Showgirls from Swept Away. Widely viewed as one of the worst movies ever when it was released in 1987, Ishtar actually has several comic moments. Gigli doesn't. Similarly, Showgirls has a certain campy allure that grows a bit each time I see it. Madonna's Swept Away doesn't; it seems more amateurish on each viewing, like a morass that starts out as a quagmire, then morphs into a cesspool and finally turns into a slime pit on the road to its ultimate destination in the bowels of Hell.

Click the link to see what his worst movie of all time is.

Posted by Seitz | June 3, 2008 6:38 PM

No hate out there for Armageddon? Got to love the the guy on the Mir "turning on the gravity" for them because they are in such a hurry.

I paid money to see Pathfinder in a theater. Don't. DO NOT. Do not watch this movie.

Posted by Lauren | June 3, 2008 6:40 PM

Putting things in perspective.

Crash wasn't anywhere near as bad as the movie it shared a plot with Grand Canyon. Grand Canyon wasn't anywhere near as bad as the director's earlier effort The Big Chill (which was Kevin Costner's best work).

Just because a film isn't a deserving best picture doesn't qualify it as one of the worst ever.

My candidate for worst movie that tried to be good:
Bonfire of the Vanities.

Posted by EB | June 3, 2008 6:40 PM

Seitz, link doesn't click for me.

Posted by David in NY | June 3, 2008 6:42 PM

Both of the Matrix sequels--who knew so much suckage could be crammed into a cinematic experience? Especially when the original was, hey, pretty decent. Sequels are too easy, in general, though those two I think are fair game since they apparently were made as part of a Grand Epic Plan rather than just a "Hey, let's make more bucks by doing a half-ass knock off" kinda situation. Otherwise I'd put in Alien 4: Resurrection. The film broke in the middle of the showing I went to and the audience actually applauded.

Dave: I note on the Crooked Timber discussion that the same actors tend to keep cropping up in the suggested pictures. Already here, I see some of the same, Nick Cage and Robin Williams, cited, though not necessarily for the same movies. Are some actors/actresses drawn to lousy stuff?

Yeah, Nick Cage especially. One of my favorite actors, or was, but why can't he ever be in a decent movie any more? Is it him or his manager or what?

Posted by DrBB | June 3, 2008 6:42 PM

By the way, when making my list, I was assuming that anything involving Uwe Boll, the Wayans Brothers (Minus Hollywood Shuffle), Pauly Shore, Steven Seagal and Micheal Bay were assumed to be on the list. Ditto for the Ernest movies.

Posted by benniefly2 | June 3, 2008 6:43 PM

By the way, when making my list, I was assuming that anything involving Uwe Boll, the Wayans Brothers (Minus I'm gonna get you sucka), Pauly Shore, Steven Seagal and Micheal Bay were assumed to be on the list. Ditto for the Ernest movies.

Posted by benniefly2 | June 3, 2008 6:44 PM

The worst movie I actually sat through in the theater was Christmas Vacation. And yes, that includes Tango and Cash and Bird on a Wire.

My wife still complains about watching Million Dollar Baby on a plane.

Saw Ishtar on video and it's not that bad, once you compare it to its reputation. Heck, they even have Shiites and Sunnis -- maybe we can send a copy to McCain so he learns something.

Heaven's Gate, on the other hand, may be the most unwatchable major film in history. I was shocked that it has defenders in academia.

Posted by John DE | June 3, 2008 6:47 PM

Seitz, link doesn't click for me.

My bad. Here it is.

Posted by Seitz | June 3, 2008 6:48 PM

Correction: "Pink FlamingoS"

See http://www.flixster.com/movie/pink-flamingos

Posted by Don Williams | June 3, 2008 6:48 PM

Christmas Vacaction can't be the worst movie ever, because it has no aspirations other than being pretty stupid. Randy Quaid made me laugh. Sue me.

Posted by Will Allen | June 3, 2008 6:51 PM

What about Scary Movie? Awful. Truly awful. Here is why it deserves a mention: it is a bad parody of a mediocre parody.

Posted by David | June 3, 2008 6:53 PM

Nothing But Trouble
Chevy Chase, Demi Moore, Dan Aykroyd, John Candy and one of the Baldwin brothers thrown in for good measure. You have been warned.

Posted by wratha | June 3, 2008 6:56 PM

Phone Booth with Colin Farrell. Off-the-charts absurd plot, horrid acting, cheapest thrills imaginable, Bruckheimer direction....hard to top.

Posted by Dan | June 3, 2008 7:00 PM

If one factors in the amount of money spent making stinkers, Heavens' Gate has to be the all time worst movie in the history of movie making.

Posted by SLC | June 3, 2008 7:03 PM

My short list would have to include:

-the remake of Planet of the Apes
-The Matrix Revolutions
-Independence Day
-My Beautiful Laundrette
-In the Company of Men

Posted by Sean | June 3, 2008 7:04 PM

Oh, I see the linked post names House of Sand and Fog. That may be a good choice. We walked out after about 15-20 minutes that seemed like 2 hours, and I see from the summary that everything I disliked about it got worse.

Sure, I agree Christmas Vacation can't be the worse ever, but for some reason it has always stuck in my mind.

Posted by John DE | June 3, 2008 7:04 PM

Horrible movie

The Postman

Bad but enjoyable movies

Deep Blue Sea

Core

Posted by Ono | June 3, 2008 7:07 PM

The Perfect Storm was hilariously awful.

Posted by UN Plaza | June 3, 2008 7:08 PM

I feel a "so bad it's good list" is a lot more fun. Some truly bad/misguided movies that I fully enjoyed:

Hot Rod
Hudson Hawk
Mystery Men
Deuce Bigalow
Undercover Brother
Joe Versus The Volcano
Booty Call

I'm not going to defend these movies on any aesthetic grounds (although that is possible, especially for the last two), I'm just going to say that in the right mood (either forgiving or stoned) you might find them rather enjoyable.

Posted by Philly | June 3, 2008 7:12 PM

Aim higher folks.

When you see a film and its makes you look back on every previous work of the directors with suspicion, when a film makes you discount the collective wisdom of your peers and feel like a stranger among them, when a film leaves you worried for the fate of humanity then you know it has made the list.

For me the top contender for most morally reprehensible film of the last twenty years has to be Saving Private Ryan, a film that actually got people killed. I left the cinema snarling at its simple minded bellicosity and horrified that it had been so generously reviewed. I am utterly convinced that the film and its attendant TV series really laid the ground culturally for the Bush wars and the general conviction that invading abroad was just a perfect way to emulate the "greatest generation". It amazed me that it was more racist and less humane then propaganda films made during the second world war. A completely unironic paean to killing, mercilessness and the evil of the other. Amazing.

On the other hand Van Helsing needs to be taken seriously as a bad film as it was so wilfully stupid, incoherent, visually messy and loud that it hurt to be in the cinema. The Saint and Snake Eye's also deserve to be wiped from the page of history. Saving Private Ryan though, that film could convince benevolent aliens not to contact us, even if they were bored.

Posted by Shay Begorrah | June 3, 2008 7:19 PM

Xanadu.

Worst. Movie Ever.

Posted by DP | June 3, 2008 7:34 PM

This is so not even a question. The answer is obvious.

Ilsa: She-Wolf of the SS.

Posted by Nicola | June 3, 2008 7:34 PM

If you are going to list Oscar winners that are truly bad, how can you leave off "Braveheart"? Mel Gibson was about 30 years too old to play the lead. His love interest was young enough to be his granddaughter and the whole thing was a dumb boring glorification of violence.

Posted by Sherry | June 3, 2008 7:39 PM

If we're going to judge movies by the "contract with the audience" standard, then The Usual Suspects has to make the list.

Posted by WillieStyle | June 3, 2008 7:41 PM

Napolean Dynamite

Posted by anon | June 3, 2008 7:49 PM

Napolean Dynamite

Posted by anon | June 3, 2008 7:49 PM

Gladiator made Braveheart look like Sense and Sensibility.

Posted by DMonteith | June 3, 2008 8:02 PM

Even though it co-stared a Canadian who wasn't Keanu Reeves, Clint Eastwood's 'Flags of our Fathers' was such a massive stinking disappointment – 2006 was the last time I set foot in a movie theatre.

Posted by Richard | June 3, 2008 8:05 PM

Yes, Braveheart was yet another bloodthirsty revenge film in a long line of them by Gibson. The odd thing is he also made this Jesus movie...

Posted by Colatina | June 3, 2008 8:08 PM

Thelma and Louise.

Posted by Matt B | June 3, 2008 8:12 PM

Shyalaman's Unbreakable was utter crap.

So was Cronenberg's Crash (Ballard adaptation, not the one from a couple years ago).

Posted by live | June 3, 2008 8:21 PM

If you need a way to get through a bad movie, I recommend the folks at rifftrax. It's the guys from Mystery Science Theater 3000 and their motto is, "Some movies have it coming." I even enjoy them messing up movies I like. This is why we need Uwe Boll to keep working. My worst movie ever is one of his, "House of the Dead." If you put zombies in it I will see it but my god it was just the antithesis of good.

Posted by Kyle | June 3, 2008 8:21 PM

Also, Tarantino's Death Proof totally sucked. Planet Terror (the other "Grindhouse" movie) was cool, though.

Posted by live | June 3, 2008 8:30 PM

A.I., hands down.

Posted by Wugong | June 3, 2008 8:30 PM

Nell

Posted by Charlie | June 3, 2008 8:34 PM

"For me the top contender for most morally reprehensible film of the last twenty years has to be Saving Private Ryan, a film that actually got people killed. I left the cinema snarling at its simple minded bellicosity and horrified that it had been so generously reviewed. I am utterly convinced that the film and its attendant TV series really laid the ground culturally for the Bush wars and the general conviction that invading abroad was just a perfect way to emulate the "greatest generation"." Shay - in all sincerity, you may want to see a therapist. You're just reading that into the film, it's quite possible to take a very different message away from that movie. At worst it's simply too ambiguous for your taste. And like most movies, Saving Private Ryan didn't lay the ground culturally for anything. Almost any commercially successful movie, like Ryan, simply rolls down the grooves already laid out for it by the dominant culture.

Posted by vanya | June 3, 2008 8:35 PM

The Village: Rarely do movies make me this angry.

Bruiser: Made me question my fondness for George Romero.

Clue: They had Tim Curry, Madeline Kahn and Lee "Let's Have a War" Ving - and they couldn't even TRY?

Garfield: Bill Murray, for Christ Sake!

The Night Porter: The single most relentlessly grim, pretentious, awful film ever made.

Oh, God. I can't go on.

Posted by Tim | June 3, 2008 8:37 PM

A.I., hands down.

Oh yeah, I forgot about that one. Christ, that sucked.

Posted by live | June 3, 2008 8:37 PM

movies mentioned so far that I like a lot:

Face/Off
Saving Private Ryan
A.I.
Joe Versus the Volcano
Babel

Posted by Charlie | June 3, 2008 8:50 PM

Troy and Event Horizon. I want those hours of my life back.

Posted by Persia | June 3, 2008 8:53 PM

I agree on Armageddon - they should have just killed Bruce Willis at the beginning and let us all go home. The Island was another Michael Bay dreckfest. The Godzilla and King Kong remakes were completely unnecessary. Aliens 4 was a waste, except for the scene where Sigourney Weaver nails the basket over her shoulder from 50 feet out. I fell asleep after 15 minutes of Wild, Wild West - so can't verify how badly it sucked. Broke up with someone after being dragged to see Rambo.

Posted by CParis | June 3, 2008 8:56 PM

The Will Ferrell soccer "comedy" Kicking and Screaming. I once took a vacation in Hawaii, which required flying New York to L.A. and L.A. to Hawaii. The New York to L.A. flight played it, and was positioned such that there was no looking away. Hell. I looked in the in-flight magazine afterwards, and realized to my horror it would be played on my return flight from Hawaii to L.A. Spent my vacation with a nagging realization that no matter how wonderful Hawaii was, I'd soon be forced to watch Kicking and Screaming again. Double hell. Then I got onto the L.A. to N.Y. flight, and the stewardess announced that due to some sort of tape malfunction they couldn't play the regularly scheduled movie, so they'd be showing us Kicking and Screaming again. I have almost no fond memories of that vacation as a result. (and incidentally, I spent all but the first half hour of the first viewing desperately trying to avoid it--reading and listening to music. Didn't help, there was no escape)

Posted by dan | June 3, 2008 9:08 PM

Dragonheart.
James and the Giant Peach.
Three of Hearts.

Posted by flippantangel | June 3, 2008 9:09 PM

I nominate Sahara for the hall of shame. Despite the eye candy (Penelope Cruz and Matthew McNoShirt), I was completely bored.

Posted by CParis | June 3, 2008 9:18 PM

Bless you Philly and Charlie for praising Joe versus the Volcano. That is on my all time underrated list.

Posted by Led | June 3, 2008 9:19 PM

Vanya said of Saving Private Ryan "At worst it's simply too ambiguous for your taste."

Ambiguity is not a criticism, or a compliment, I would have thrown the way of Spielberg's war fest.

For me the films crowning moment of didacticism was when Adam Goldberg, the films only Jewish character, was killed in an extended knifing scene by the films only German character (who is a liar) after being foolishly spared from death by the films only liberal character (who is a coward).

It can be read in so many ways, eh?

"Almost any commercially successful movie, like Ryan, simply rolls down the grooves already laid out for it by the dominant culture."

Indeed. It was only following grooves.

The film and the Band of Brothers TV show did not just reflect American nostalgia for a time when they were universally recognized both for being the good guys and having great military prowess, it reinforced and amplified these emotions in a way that seemed gritty, historically accurate and meaningful but was also unreflective, blindly patriotic and most importantly of all, a distraction.

Posted by Shay Begorrah | June 3, 2008 9:32 PM

I'd like to nominate Demi Moore as the symbol for bad movies everywhere. I can't think of a single working actor (of either gender) who seemed to specialize in completely unrealistic movies. Egregiously unrealistic movies. From St. Elmo's Fire through to her recent Flawless. (Flawless is notable for completely disembowling itself in the last 5 minutes. It had almost been an interesting heist movie until a denouement made you want to charge the screen and rip her heart out.) Think of the howlers Moore has had: Disclosure, GI Jane, Scarlet Letter, Indecent Proposal, Striptease, Ghost. All of them exceptionally craptastic.

Posted by Jeffrey Davis | June 3, 2008 9:33 PM

The worst movie I have definitely seen in awhile is Crank. I would have turned it off if I wasn't baked. Tony Perkins would have made a more feminist- and gay-friendly film that that piece of shite.

Posted by Loneoak | June 3, 2008 9:46 PM

I have to second the choice of Napoleon Dynamite, which I think fits the "movies to avoid" category because the only reason I sought it out in the first place was the sheer number of people who told me it was hilarious. I just sat there for 90 minutes dumbfounded that anyone could have found it even watchable, much less funny.

Posted by ChuckE | June 3, 2008 10:01 PM

Sorry, Joe Versus the Volcano was awful. Surely it only got made because the screenwriter won the Oscar the year before. (And deserved it.) There should have been a continuous crawl across the bottom of the screen saying DO NOT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY IT IS ALL METAPHORICAL.

Nevertheless Vanilla Sky is the worst movie I have ever seen that was trying to be good.

Posted by roac | June 3, 2008 10:05 PM

Only here to distance myself from the other Donald, since I comment here at rare intervals and it's important not to be seen defending Titanic. Though truthfully, I didn't hate Titanic. I have no desire to see it again, but I didn't hate it. But I also don't want to be on record saying it didn't suck.

And yes, movie snobbery is absurd.

Posted by Donald Johnson | June 3, 2008 10:05 PM

I don't care what rules anyone wants to impose on this discussion. By far the worst movie I have ever seen, a movie I hate with a deep and abiding passion, and therefore that I feel compelled to name, is Highlander II.

And the reason is basically this: Highlander II was on its own a terrible movie, but that I could tolerate. However, it also somehow managed to reach back in time and make Highlander, a movie I quite liked, a significantly worse movie than it was before Highlander II was made. And if you don't believe me, you obviously haven't seen Highlander II, and count yourself lucky.

And that to me is a unique feat in the history of motion pictures (a movie-making effort so bad it actually ruined not only the movie being made, but another perfectly innocent movie as well). In fact not even the Matrix sequels, nor the second Star Wars trilogy, all of which tried their best, could manage to duplicate this feat.

Posted by DTM | June 3, 2008 10:53 PM

Shay, exactly what is your point about that death scene? It's a bad film because it implies that cowardice is bad? Please.

Not that I'm defending the film. There are plenty of reasons to dislike Saving Private Ryan - after the Omaha Beach sequence it turns right back into a standard WWII movie, complete with Spielberg's standard hackery.

Posted by AlanC9 | June 3, 2008 11:05 PM

I really haven't seen that many films -- reading bad books is more my thing -- but on my own list I'd put "Hellraiser" first (the only movie where I felt ashamed to be seen slinking out of the theater) and "The Black Hole" second (the only one I've seen where the audience booed).

Now, how about a thread on the most critically OVERRATED movies of all time? Surely "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" is a promising beginning?

Posted by Bruce Moomaw | June 3, 2008 11:14 PM

Two letters:

A.I.

Posted by john stephen lewis | June 4, 2008 12:04 AM

Mr. Baseball

Posted by Mike | June 4, 2008 12:06 AM

Two letters:

A.I.

Posted by john stephen lewis | June 4, 2008 12:08 AM

Boondock Saints. I actually saw this twice: the first time I was drunk, so I thought maybe if I was sober, I'd enjoy it (my brother thought it was the awesome).

I was wrong.

But what do I know, I thought Crash was pretty good.

Posted by Friendo | June 4, 2008 12:25 AM

Harry at Crooked Timber really does a number on House of Sand and Fog. IMO, its a pretty decent movie.

For one, I thought Jenniffer Connolly does a pretty good job of playing a self-absorbed woman who obviously has problems. "Healthy and happy" is certainly not how I would describe the character. And the cop is *supposed* to be an oaf.

Posted by DJ | June 4, 2008 12:38 AM

Wag the Dog is the only movie I've ever walked out on, to date.

Boxing Helena is incredibly bad. And this wasn't a major studio release but rather an indie, and is the worst I've ever seen: Claire of the Moon. Lesbians at a writers' retreat. Awful in every way.

Posted by eebee | June 4, 2008 1:16 AM

Million Dollar Baby, Godfather Pt. III, Kettle of Fish.

Posted by Asher | June 4, 2008 1:49 AM

Yet the Gladiator boxing movie featuring Cuba Gooding, Jr., Brian Dennehey, the white, cleaner cut boyfriend of Laura Palmer from Twin Peaks and Robert Loggia was an excellent bad movie.

Posted by Mike | June 4, 2008 2:03 AM

No Way Out (Costner version).

"You have no idea what men of power can do!"

Transcendentally awful movie. Rife with cliches, telegraphed twists ('woman over the railing!' 'put down gun just within reach of latent homosexual bad guy'), cardboard characters and a groan-inducing, stomach-punch ending.

COSTNER! SEAN YOUNG! HANDICAPPED GENIUS! CLOSETED BAD GUY! HACKMAN'S GOOD NO BAD NO GOOD NO DEAD!

I laughed. I cried. I raised my fist in ANGER!

A Leonard Pinth Garnell award winner. Not to be missed!

Posted by bob loblaw | June 4, 2008 2:05 AM

Jack - I actually wish this movie was just a little longer so we could see Robin Williams die.

Romeo & Juliet (Leo/Claire Danes version) - Better than Jack - at least we got to see them die in this one.

Cruel Intentions - Made me embarrassed to be a human being. Or at least a human being in the target demographic.

Posted by bill | June 4, 2008 2:16 AM

In the category of worst movies to win Best Picture I have to nominate Top Gun. God, that was bad. I still cringe thinking of it.

Posted by mike | June 4, 2008 3:37 AM

I think there is a distinct difference between a bad movie and an overrated movie.

Films like Gladiator and Braveheart didn’t deserve Oscars because they were very predictable and had plots that had basically been done many times before. But I can’t see had you can call either one of them bad. By the 1990’s, the whole “man of honor wronged and seeking revenge” was done about as well as one could do it in either of those two movies. Countless films before and since, have done it worse, in particular films starring such screen legends as Jean-Claude Van Damm and Vin Diesel.

I submit to you, Dracula 2000, the only movie I have ever walked out of. The only actor with any talent, (Christopher Plummer), gets killed before the halfway point, Jerri Ryan is fully clothed in all her scenes, etc. There are just no bright spots whatsoever and remember, this was a major Hollywood horror movie before the days of the “Saw”-style torture-fests. Hell, on a cold rainy night with nothing else on and no good book to read, I’d happily watch Waterworld or even an unedited Showgirls. But I’d watch the rain fall before I’d watch Dracula 2000 again.

How about films that you hated but everyone else loved? The Departed, I hated it and I love gangster movies. (Miller's Crossing is one of my most favorite American-made films.) Leo as a Boston tough guy was the joke of the century. Marky Mark made me want to punch him more and more with every word out of his mouth. And that ending?!? You put some no-name in the credits as director instead of Scorscese and I can’t believe I’m the only one who laughs out loud at it. That one scene in the warehouse reminded me of the South Park episode where the boys pretend to be Detectives and end up somehow accidentally convincing everyone that they are real live cops. I swear, the ends of both almost complement each other, the only problem is only one was meant to be funny.

Posted by Raindog | June 4, 2008 4:05 AM

If you mentioned Saving Private Ryan, Gladiator, Titanic, Million Dollar Baby, Crash, Waterworld, the Matrix sequels, the Star Wars prequels, Armageddon, Napoleon Dynamite, Independence Day, Forrest Gump, American Beauty, Braveheart, etc., congratulations -- you are a smug, unimaginative snob. Take off your horn-rimmed glasses, put down your latte, and turn off the Vampire Weekend. In your quest to escape mediocrity, you've become the very thing you most despise. Here's what a list of very bad movies really looks like:

Baby Geniuses 2
Alone in the Dark
Freddy Got Fingered (terrific)
Scary Movie 3
Virus
Ballistic: Ecks v. Severs
The Country Bears (hilarious)
Jack Frost (horror movie -- "Well, it ain't fuckin' Frosty" he says as he rapes a woman with his carrot)

Posted by asdf | June 4, 2008 7:04 AM

Young people today. You don't know from bad movies.

At a Saturday night movie at Antioch College, 30 miles from any other possible form of entertainment, in the days before cable, VHS, or the internet- IOW, 30 miles from any other possible form of entertainment- they showed Welcome to Hard Times. Within ten minutes the entire audience had left.

That's a bad movie.

Posted by serial catowner | June 4, 2008 7:52 AM

I sympathize with those of you who mentioned A.I., Showgirls, and Waterworld, but in the end I'm going to have to go with Duplex. When a comedy brings this much star power and you find yourself trying to force the occasional chuckle just to ease the awkwardness of watching so many jokes fail, you know you're watching a legitimate piece of shit. By the end I actually felt angry and insulted that Hollywood thinks little enough of me that they assumed I would be convinced that "humor" had occurred at some point during those 89 agonizing minutes.

In the category of movies that are inexplicably considered good but are actually shitty, I submit American Beauty. Really, if you haven't seen it in a few years and remember it as a good or even sorta decent movie, watch it again. You'll be astonished at how poorly it's held up.

Posted by e-dawg | June 4, 2008 7:56 AM

I sympathize with those of you who mentioned A.I., Showgirls, and Waterworld, but in the end I'm going to have to go with Duplex. When a comedy brings this much star power and you find yourself trying to force the occasional chuckle just to ease the awkwardness of watching so many jokes fail, you know you're watching a legitimate piece of shit. By the end I actually felt angry and insulted that Hollywood thinks little enough of me that they assumed I would be convinced that "humor" had occurred at some point during those 89 agonizing minutes.

In the category of movies that are inexplicably considered good but are actually shitty, I submit American Beauty. Really, if you haven't seen it in a few years and remember it as a good or even sorta decent movie, watch it again. You'll be astonished at how poorly it's held up.

Posted by e-dawg | June 4, 2008 8:00 AM

I sympathize with those of you who mentioned A.I., Showgirls, and Waterworld, but in the end I'm going to have to go with Duplex. When a comedy brings this much star power and you find yourself trying to force the occasional chuckle just to ease the awkwardness of watching so many jokes fail, you know you're watching a legitimate piece of shit. By the end I actually felt angry and insulted that Hollywood thinks little enough of me that they assumed I would be convinced that "humor" had occurred at some point during those 89 agonizing minutes.

In the category of movies that are inexplicably considered good but are actually shitty, I submit American Beauty. Really, if you haven't seen it in a few years and remember it as a good or even sorta decent movie, watch it again. You'll be astonished at how poorly it's held up.

Posted by e-dawg | June 4, 2008 8:08 AM

Sorry for the repeat post. I'm an idiot.

Posted by e-dawg | June 4, 2008 8:17 AM

Movies I remember walking out of: Cool World and Three Men and a Baby

Posted by dmd76 | June 4, 2008 9:11 AM

The Stepford Wives remake.

Participation of real A-list and ex-A-list actors (Nicole Kidman, Glenn Close, Bette Midler) thinking they were making a film with a true social message: Check.

Attempt at a thorough and pervasive mood of irony: Check.

Liberal box-checking (flamboyant but not insulting gay couple, SUV-bashing, etc.): Check.

Remaking a movie that was dated but didn't need to be remade: Check.

Big budget: Check.

Hype: You betcha.

Throw in massive budget overruns, reshoots, fighting on-set, and you have a movie with an incoherent script, unfunnny "jokes" from wall to wall, and an ending that contradicts itself and the whole point of the movie within 10 minutes because they shot endings where the women were now a) robots or b) themselves, but reprogrammed and incorporated clips from BOTH.

If you thought First Wives Club was a bit indulgent, you haven't seen this movie.

Posted by Brittain33 | June 4, 2008 9:41 AM

Napoleon Dynamite. Only movie I ever got up and walked out of. Completely awful shameless rip-off of Wes Anderson.

Posted by Craig | June 4, 2008 9:58 AM

Green Card. Just what the world was waiting for: Andie MacDowell and Gérard Depardieu together.

Seriously, is there a worse actress out there than Andie MacDowell? How did Groundhog Day turn out so good?

Posted by Dave | June 4, 2008 10:56 AM

Pretty much anything starring or directed by Robert Redford after about 1980 is long, pretentious, and insufferably boring. Ditto anything with Kristen Scott Thomas. Put the two together (in "The Horse Whisperer") and you've got some serious suckitude.

Posted by glaxaco | June 4, 2008 11:40 AM

I am so, so happy that someone mentioned "Down to You"--whenever I talk about that movie my eyes bulge and I start waving my hands around frantically in an attempt to capture the huge badness of it all. It is so, so bad...Freddie Prinze Jr. OD's on a bottle of shampoo and then talks to a spider...execrable.

Posted by KDog | June 4, 2008 11:45 AM

I am so, so happy that someone mentioned "Down to You"--whenever I talk about that movie my eyes bulge and I start waving my hands around frantically in an attempt to capture the huge badness of it all. It is so, so bad...Freddie Prinze Jr. OD's on a bottle of shampoo and then talks to a spider...execrable.

Posted by KDog | June 4, 2008 11:46 AM

I am so, so happy that someone mentioned "Down to You"--whenever I talk about that movie my eyes bulge and I start waving my hands around frantically in an attempt to capture the huge badness of it all. It is so, so bad...Freddie Prinze Jr. OD's on a bottle of shampoo and then talks to a spider...execrable.

Posted by Poppin Crystal | June 4, 2008 11:48 AM

I am so, so happy that someone mentioned "Down to You"--whenever I talk about that movie my eyes bulge and I start waving my hands around frantically in an attempt to capture the huge badness of it all. It is so, so bad...Freddie Prinze Jr. OD's on a bottle of shampoo and then talks to a spider...execrable.

Posted by Poppin Crystal | June 4, 2008 11:49 AM

Nicholas Cage has come up a lot here, but the worst movie Cage has ever done, and the worst acting by any actor ever, is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZhciDUvnlY

Posted by bad movie watcher | June 4, 2008 11:57 AM

Since this is such a depressing thread, filled with bad memories of lousy movies, let me name as an antidote one recent movie that was awesome:
Iron Man

Posted by tweedledee | June 4, 2008 12:06 PM

Since this is such a depressing thread, filled with bad memories of lousy movies, let me name as an antidote one recent movie that was awesome:
Iron Man

Posted by tweedledee | June 4, 2008 12:08 PM

Worst movie that other people loved: whatever that piece of crap was with Tom Hanks and Paul Newman as mobsters, where Hanks's whole family gets killed and he takes revenge. Not one redeeming aspect of the movie. Can't remember the name and not going to bother finding it. Poorly done in every way.

Posted by effete intellectual snob | June 4, 2008 12:12 PM

I can't believe no one has mentioned Pearl Harbor. What a ridiculously stupid movie.

Posted by andrew | June 4, 2008 12:37 PM

Here are six I haven't seen mentioned here:

King Ralph
28 Weeks Later
Memoirs of an Invisible Man (with Chevy Chase)
Lost in Translation
Batman and Robin
Alien3

Also, I actually really liked both the Postman, Braveheart, and Joe Versus the Volcano.

Posted by Rob Mac | June 4, 2008 1:32 PM

I can't believe no one mentioned Garden State. The fact it had Zach what's his name from Scrubs is reason enough to stay away.