Game of the Day

Jason Linkins has an idea:

1. Take out your iPod (or Zune, I guess...really, who buys a Zune?)
2. Press shuffle songs.
3. Answer the following: a) How many songs before you come to one that would absolutely disqualify you from being President? b) What is that song?

My fourth song was the Decemberists' "When The War Came" but despite the political themes I think it's okay. Then at 18 we get Metric's "Too Little, Too Late" which is too obscure to cause a scandal, but in principle sentiments like "Meet me at the motel / Tie my right hand to the bible" aren't what middle America is looking for. Finally, at number 24 Metric comes up again and ends my political career with "I.O.U." and "Every ten year-old enemy soldier / Thinks falling bombs are shooting stars sometimes" and the rest of the Left's tired blame America first schtick.

Comments

Don't have my MP3 player handy, but I can give you the answer. Three songs, same band, same album.

"Laid"
"P.S."
"One of the Three"

from Laid by James. First one is pretty explicit, the latter two are pretty scathing attacks on religion.

Probably add in Megalomaniac by Incubus, and you get 4 songs out of about 300, or between 1-2% or so.

Although, now that I think about it, there's probably a few songs that would DQ me for WTF reasons. Darkness and Starlight by The Black Mages being the one that comes to mind.

Posted by Karmakin | June 28, 2008 9:18 AM

Well, that didn't take long.

River's Gonna Rise by David & David. Negative reference to St. Ronald of the Reagan.
Blood Red by The Call. Negative reference to St. Ronald of the Reagan.

Special by Garbage. Not really, but I always think of George Bush when I hear the lyrics "Do you have an opinion? A mind of your own?"

Posted by vor | June 28, 2008 9:29 AM

First track picked via shuffle play: "Mr. Bad Example," by Warren Zevon.

I swear I didn't cheat.

Posted by James Gary | June 28, 2008 9:34 AM

My seventh song was 'Going to a Town' by Rufus Wainwright ("I'm so tired of you, America"). Other than that, most of the music on my iPod (Zune? Seriously?)is politically neutral.

That's partly by design... I'm a musician so I tend to focus more on the musicality of song rather than its lyrics. If you have a overtly political song, but the music propping up your message is lacking, odds are good I won't like it, even if I agree with your message. It just seems to me that there aren't many, even nominally, political bands out there that are writing appealing music to back up their lyrics (sorry Matt, but I saw the guitar player from The Decembrists on Colbert doing a guitar solo & he. was. freaking. horrible. No sense of melody, just a jumble of cliched licks that were, technically, poorly executed).

Posted by raff | June 28, 2008 9:39 AM

I'd be disqualified for all kinds of reasons: If the 10 Cannibal Corpse albums ("Fucked With A Knife") didn't do it, the 38 albums by Los Tigres Del Norte (all those songs about illegal immigration and drug smuggling) surely would.

Posted by pdf | June 28, 2008 9:49 AM

2nd song, Sex Is Personal by The Faint. That was quick.

Posted by ben | June 28, 2008 10:04 AM

Heh, First song was Ben Fold's All You Can Eat, which would destroy me.

"They give no fuck
They talk as loud as they want
They give no fuck
Just as long as there's enough for them"

"Son look at the people lining up for plastic
Wouldn't you like to see them in the national geographic?
Squatting bare-assed in the dirt eating rice from a bowl
With a towel on their head and maybe a bone in their nose}Son look at the people lining up for plastic
Wouldn't you like to see them in the national geographic?
Squatting bare-assed in the dirt eating rice from a bowl
With a towel on their head and maybe a bone in their nose"

Posted by mjb | June 28, 2008 10:04 AM

I've tried to do it the opposite way, how many songs does it take before you get to one you could actually play on the loud speakers at a Presidential political rally. It generally takes longer, unless U2 or Springsteen come up right away.

Posted by AJ | June 28, 2008 10:08 AM

#1. (Don't Go Back to) Rockville--R.E.M.
Well, there goes 10 electoral votes right off the bat, and there's no way I'm picking up Georgia.

#8. Drugs (Electricity)--Talking Heads
Not good, but the lyrics are actually pretty innocuous, and anyway I didn't inhale.

#17: Qu'ran--Brian Eno and David Byrne
Game over.

Posted by Incompetence Dodger | June 28, 2008 10:12 AM

So entertaining!

Two clicks to "Candidate" by Joy Division.

Posted by gp | June 28, 2008 10:15 AM

My iPods a little sanitized thanks to total random playing combined w/ some sanitization requirements from driving around with my more morally sensible girlfriend.

34 gives me Protect Ya Neck, but somehow it's the clean version? That needs to change.

51 is paydirt. Refused's Deadly Rhythm (of the Production Line).

Is it our duty to die for governments & for gods?
Is it our privilege to slave for market & for industry?
Is it our right to follow laws, set to scare and to oppress?
Is it a gift to stay in line and will it take away the blame?

Yes, it is! Now get back to work!

Posted by Zach | June 28, 2008 10:15 AM

Song #2, RATM's "Tire Me" is actually one of the band's less political diatribes, but I'm sure it'd just lead Faux News to research their other more controversial political sermons--eh, songs--and play them on an endless loop in an effort to sink my candidacy.

Posted by natthedem | June 28, 2008 10:21 AM

Team Dresch's Hate The Christian Right was number 5. Conversely, Lil' Markie's Diary of an Unborn Baby was number 9, which would win me the bible belt.

Posted by Dr. Victor Davis Handjob | June 28, 2008 10:22 AM

My career would end with #4, "H.W.C." by Liz Phair. And it's not even from one of her better albums, alas. (For fear of tripping some anti-porn spam filter, I'm not going to say what "H.W.C." stands for, but the answer is here. NSFW).

A remarkably early disqualification, considering my musical tastes. The next entry that's remotely a problem was #18, "Cinnamon Park" by Jill Sobule, with its relatively non-judgmental description of drug use. And then it's smooth sailing until the double-shot of #29 "It Is Pitch Dark" by MC Frontalot (a rap song about old Infocom text adventure games) and #30 "It's Easy, Mmmkay?" from the South Park movie soundtrack.

Posted by cminus | June 28, 2008 10:24 AM

I can't decide if "Welcome to the Terrordome" (#6) is disqualifying or not. On the one hand, it's black militant music. On the other hand, I'm white. On the one hand, it's that scary hip hop. On the other hand, Public Enemy is now considered "legendary" and so excused from a lot of things while Flavor Flav is a clown of celebreality.

Oddly, I would say it was either Sylvie Vartan's "Irresistiblement" (#8) or the Softies' "Follow Me" (#10), because what sort of manly man who has the balls to bomb Iran would listen to a French chick or girlish indie pop? But if we really want to slam the door, Pet Shop Boys' "Opportunities" (#12) - so very gay and it makes fun of Thatcherism.

Posted by jhupp | June 28, 2008 10:27 AM

I like AJ's version, too. #43 for me is the Kinks' "The Village Green," which wouldn't get the party jumping but has all the right sentiments about preferring rural life to urban life. The Who's "I Can't Explain" would get people going without offending but lacks the sentiment we need. (There were actually two U2 songs in the 70s, but they were "Surrender" and "Sunday Bloody Sunday," so ... no.)

Finally, at #103, we get James' "Tomorrow," which is perfect convention music. The verses can easily just be glossed over à la "Born in the U.S.A." and we can just fixate on the uplifting chorus. Then again, it feels a bit too much like Obama's "bitter" comments to be really comfortable:

Now your grips too strong
You can't catch love with a net or a gun
Gotta keep faith that your path will change
Gotta keep faith that your luck will change tomorrow
tomorrow,
tomorrow

Posted by jhupp | June 28, 2008 10:37 AM

Do I get bonus points for this?

#11 was a chapter from a audio book (!) called The Sex Lives of Cannibals.

Interestingly enough, I don't think the content of the book would disqualify me. The title, however, is more than enough.

Posted by Michael | June 28, 2008 10:39 AM

Sorry, Karmakin, but "Laid" gets played on soft-rock stations in credit unions. Your mom probably likes it. The only guy who has anything even remotely offensive is the one with the Cannibal Corpse.

Posted by mark f | June 28, 2008 10:59 AM

Song 1: "Hey" by the Pixies

Posted by mcs | June 28, 2008 11:01 AM

My laptop is mostly jazz, and most of that is Jelly Roll Morton's Library of Congress Recordings (which is one massive freakin' download). Hence, #2, "Bad Men and Pimps." Maybe that is documentary enough to let me off, but I don't feel like waiting around to see how long it takes to get to "Murder Ballad" or "Make Me a Pallet on the Floor".

Posted by Matt Weiner | June 28, 2008 11:06 AM

For the presidentially rally variation:

#6. Stronger--Kanye West
Musically, this would be perfect. Lyrically, not so much (e.g. "you can be my black Kate Moss tonight/play secretary I'm the boss tonight/and you don't give a f**k what they say, right?*").

#18. So Fast, So Numb--R.E.M.
Maybe in some alternate universe.

#35. City of Blinding Lights--U2
As AJ noted, too easy (didn't Obama actually use this at some point during the primaries?).

#45. It's Natural to Be Afraid--Explosions in the Sky
Might work if you just used the big finish (9:19 to the end), but the title probably DQs it, and the sound is probably too closely associated with "Friday Night Lights".

#62. Alive--Pearl Jam
Whoomp! There it is!

Posted by INcompetence Dodger | June 28, 2008 11:10 AM

#11 "Reborn" by Slayer from Reign in Blood..yeah that would probably do it. I forgot i had that album on my ipod. I was expecting a Dead Kennedy's song to be the one.

Posted by Dave | June 28, 2008 11:12 AM

A lot of you seem to assume that the people who would be doing the disqualifying are actually going to listen to all these songs, rather than looking at who the artists are and making judgments based on what they recognize (and also probably making song title-based judgments on what they don't recognize). Based on this, I would've assumed my disqualifier would be my third song, "Without Me" by Eminem, but it appears that mainstream rap is no longer a disqualifying offense. Incubus' "A Crow Left of the Murder" (#15) or Metallica's "Wherever I May Roam" (#18) might do it.

Posted by Aaron S. Veenstra | June 28, 2008 11:16 AM

Track 17 that came up on shuffle, The Frogs "Homos" off their album It's Only Right and Natural. Really catchy number.

Lesbians are cool
And straights are fools
But homos are the coolest
of the cool

That's actually some of the less disqualifying lyrics.

Posted by Bryan | June 28, 2008 11:38 AM

I hit Avril Lavigne with #4, which **should** be enough to disqualify anyone ffrom the White House, but if not I got through about 30 tracks without running into anything dangerous. However, I've got Pretty Hate Machine and Liz Phair's entire catalogue on there (not to mention plenty of Patti Smith), so it'd just be a matter of time.

Posted by Cliffy | June 28, 2008 11:41 AM

Song 11: "Fucking Hostile" by Pantera

Posted by KM | June 28, 2008 11:44 AM

The Outthere Brothers

Goes a little something like this:

"Put your ass on my face
I like the way your pussy tastes
Girl you know you are the one
Take that ass and make it come

Don't Stop
Wiggle Wiggle
Don't Stop
Wiggle Wiggle"

Although you know this was Bill Clinton's favorite track back in 97

Posted by Oh Snap | June 28, 2008 11:46 AM

"Porno Star" - Buckcherry. "Take off your clothes and shut the door, pornographic monster on the floor, if that's what you like I'll c** some more, don't you know we f*** for money, I'm a bigd*** motherf****** porno star." Great drunken sing-along material - kind of like the Subhumans' "Slave To My Dick," except for people who aren't in 1988.

Any Dead Prez song.

And the real kicker: "Christian Woman" -Type O Negative. Seriously. Look up the lyrics. I'd lose a race for dogcatcher.

Posted by The Mighty Reason Man | June 28, 2008 12:07 PM

"Porno Star" - Buckcherry. "Take off your clothes and shut the door, pornographic monster on the floor, if that's what you like I'll c** some more, don't you know we f*** for money, I'm a bigd*** motherf****** porno star." Great drunken sing-along material - kind of like the Subhumans' "Slave To My Dick," except for people who aren't in 1988.

Any Dead Prez song.

And the real kicker: "Christian Woman" -Type O Negative. Seriously. Look up the lyrics. I'd lose a race for dogcatcher.

Posted by The Mighty Reason Man | June 28, 2008 12:08 PM

The absolute first song:

"Gay Bar" by Electric Six.

'I've got something to put in you… at the Gay Bar! Gay Bar! Gay Bar!'

Posted by Will | June 28, 2008 12:10 PM

Oddly enough when I opened my I-tunes the song highlighted was Curtis Mayfield's "(Don't Worry) If There's a Hell Below We're All Gonna Go"
which besides the incendiary title also has the line "sistas, nigga's, whities, jews, crackas"

Anyway on to the official start...

1st song... Jenny Lewis "The Charging Sky" which could do it but probably wouldn't cause it sounds nice enough
2nd song... The New Pornographers the song really isn't important
3rd song wins my AJ's game... Ben Harper "Picture of Jesus" (as I would be running as a Conservative)

Posted by A Different AJ | June 28, 2008 12:19 PM

Any Dead Prez song.

"No, Mr Broder, I can explain. 'Dead presidents' just refers to money, i.e., Washington on the dollar, Jackson on the 20, etc. Maybe you heard the similar phrase "all about the benjamins" from one of your grandkids. Surely you can't think I endorse presidential assassination! Wait! Wait!"

Mine own ipod is mostly full of stuff like Roy Orbison and Patsy Cline, but I flipped "Merchandise", by Fugazi after about 20 attempts.

Posted by kth | June 28, 2008 12:24 PM

#13 - Dr. Dre - Let me Ride.

A couple of the earlier ones had lyrics and themes that might offend, especially drug references -- "To be Someone" by the Jam and "I Want the Angel" by Jim Carroll, but I think Dre definitely nails it.

Posted by Sir Charles | June 28, 2008 12:34 PM

I hit "F-word" by Jens Lekmann at # 10. I really thought that with ~10,000 tracks it would take longer.

Posted by Buzz79 | June 28, 2008 12:39 PM

Hey! I bought a Zune!

Posted by Joy | June 28, 2008 12:49 PM

My mp3 player doesn't have shuffle on it. But considering the contents include multiple Three 6 Mafia albums, safe to say I'm super duper ultra disqualified.

Posted by b-psycho | June 28, 2008 1:21 PM

I don't have my iPod in front of me, but I have a feeling that once "Fuck Tha Police" came up, that would be it. I also have "Last Caress" by the Misfits, which is about killing babies and raping mothers. There's nothing offensive about the David Allan Coe that I've got, but he's got some pretty nasty, racist material that the press could bring up if they spotted "You Never Even Call Me By My Name" on there.

Posted by too many steves | June 28, 2008 1:24 PM

My number 5 was New York City Cops by the Strokes. New York City Cops Ain't Too Smart is the refrain. Then probably 35 Tractor Rape Chain by Guided by Voices.

Posted by Michael Foody | June 28, 2008 1:31 PM

Firt track was M.I.A. "Boyz"

It was a single, so I may skirt being labelled effeminate or radical (politically), I'm homefree for ~ 10 tracks.

Then comes Robyn Hitchcock.

It's a quiet song ("No, I Don't Remember Guildford"), but an eccentric artist.

Some jazz, some Doors, some John Lennon...

Hell, maybe I should run?

Posted by frazelt | June 28, 2008 1:45 PM

#1 was by The Olivia Tremor Control. Anyone who listens to an Elephant 6 band is too weird to be electable, but that just makes the song an indicator.

#2 was the Dandy Warhols' "Godless." Probably not enough.

#7: Black Flag; "Drinking and Driving." Nah; most Americans actually do this.

#15: Kiki and Herb, "The Revolution Medley." OK, that one's fatal. Hell, just knowing who they are makes you unelectable.

Posted by AlanC9 | June 28, 2008 1:48 PM

I got Radiohead's "Fake Plastic Trees." While not that political (Radiohead's lyrics are too obscure to be offensive even when they are political), nothing says "arugula eating, late sipping, intellectual elitist" like an iPod full of Radiohead.

Posted by Hooray for Anything | June 28, 2008 1:59 PM

I got Radiohead's "Fake Plastic Trees." While not that political (Radiohead's lyrics are too obscure to be offensive even when they are political), nothing says "arugula eating, late sipping, intellectual elitist" like an iPod full of Radiohead.

Posted by Hooray for Anything | June 28, 2008 2:05 PM

First song I flipped to: Metallica's Leper Messiah, #11 was I Took Your Name by R.E.M., featuring the lyric "I'll be your albatross, Devil, dog, Jesus, God", #26 was The Internet Is For Porn from Avenue Q, #29 is Mitch Hedberg standup, #33 was Too Much Booty in the Pants from 2 Live Crew. I'm thoroughly disqualified. :D

Posted by Tim P. | June 28, 2008 2:06 PM

Well, does the fact that I thought of this question a while back make a megaolomaniac?

Since I have Crass, All four Propagandhi albums, several Dead Kennedy's offerings and everything Anti-Flag ever put out, I'm pretty much out of the running, forever.

But I also have some Snow Globe that will rock your world!

Posted by Anonymous | June 28, 2008 2:10 PM

I think this song is now over 40 years old. Apparently we've learned nothing:

If you smile at me, I will understand
'Cause that is something everybody everywhere does
in the same language.
I can see by your coat, my friend,
you're from the other side,
There's just one thing I got to know,
Can you tell me please, who won?
Say, can I have some of your purple berries?
Yes, I've been eating them for six or seven weeks now,
haven't got sick once.
Probably keep us both alive.

Wooden ships on the water, very free and easy,
Easy, you know the way it's supposed to be,
Silver people on the shoreline, let us be,
Talkin' 'bout very free and easy...
Horror grips us as we watch you die,
All we can do is echo your anguished cries,
Stare as all human feelings die,
We are leaving - you don't need us.

Go, take your sister then, by the hand,
lead her away from this foreign land,
Far away, where we might laugh again,
We are leaving - you don't need us.

And it's a fair wind, blowin' warm,
Out of the south over my shoulder,
Guess I'll set a course and go...

Posted by jonathan | June 28, 2008 2:56 PM

Since most of my tracks are Dead Prez, KRS-One, Electric Six, MF Doom, MC Paul Barman, Mr. Lif, Del tha Funkee, The Coup.....yeah, it's not looking too good for a presidential run. I suppose my Dave Brubeck tracks would be at least marginally acceptable for a rally, but they don't have rally-type energy.

Posted by burritoboy | June 28, 2008 2:57 PM

This one would probably get me run out on a rail by both sides nowadays:

Ev'rybody's talkin' 'bout
Bagism, Shagism, Dragism, Madism, Ragism, Tagism
This-ism, that-ism, ism ism ism
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance

(C'mon)
Ev'rybody's talkin' 'bout
Minister, Sinister, Banisters and Canisters,
Bishops, Fishops, Rabbis, and Pop Eyes, Bye bye, Bye byes
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance

(Let me tell you now)
Ev'rybody's talkin' 'bout
Revolution, Evolution, Masturbation, Flagellation, Regulation,
Integrations, mediations, United Nations, congratulations
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance

Ev'rybody's talkin' 'bout
John and Yoko, Timmy Leary, Rosemary,
Tommy Smothers, Bobby Dylan, Tommy Cooper,
Derek Taylor, Norman Mailer, Alan Ginsberg, Hare Krishna
Hare Hare Krishna
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance

Posted by jonathan | June 28, 2008 3:01 PM

#2. The Coup - Pork and Beef

Wow. Epic fail. I couldn't even run for dog catcher if that came up.

Posted by Michael T Sweeney | June 28, 2008 3:04 PM

20th song was "Pardon my Freedom?" By !!!.

features the ever so subtle lyric: And you can tell the President to suck my fucking dick.

Posted by abeaugh | June 28, 2008 3:25 PM

#1: "Swastika Eyes" by Primal Scream
"I see your autosuggestion psychology/Elimination policy/A military industrial/Illusion of democracy"
That's a pretty bad start.

Posted by shawn | June 28, 2008 3:49 PM

First one that for sure would sink me is number 17, "Alien Song" by Milla, which has no swearing or sexual language, but has a sarcastic reference to Adolf Hitler that would look pretty bad without context (which I'm sure it would be reported without). Number 3 was "Rudie Can't Fail" by the Clash, but that's not a particularly political song and I suspect the Clash are well-enough known to journalists of a certain age that there wouldn't be the hysteria associated with them that some more recent artists would generate.

Posted by Just Dropping By | June 28, 2008 4:10 PM

#16. "Blasphemous Rumours" by Depeche Mode.

Posted by Thlayli | June 28, 2008 4:19 PM

#23 Fuck Tha' Police - N.W.A.

This has the bonus that it actually caused a panic when it came out.

Posted by Mo | June 28, 2008 4:24 PM

Well, The Man From Laramie by Jimmy Young should disqualify me on taste grounds. The one that would really derail my chances would probably be Shave 'em Dry by Lucille Bogan. The lyrics are *filthy*. I guess people talked about sex even in 1935 :-)

Posted by Keith | June 28, 2008 4:25 PM

I bought a Zune. I refuse to go along with the program you Apple sheep! Seriously though, besides the software, the Zune is awesome. Admittedly the software is a major thing though...

1: Rudimentary Peni - "Him Hymn". Not sure if that's a disqualifier, religious overtones, but not sure quite what it's trying to say. Vague enough to pass.

2: Tear It Up - "I Don't Care That I'm Falling Apart" Downer of a hardcore song, but nothing too over the top.

3: Fall Silent - "Hail Of Bullets". Curse words, but it's 2008.

4: Code Of Honor - "Code Of Honor". Anti-authority but not in too shocking of a manner.

5: Hi-Standard - "Wait For The Sun". Nothing shocking here.

6. Avail - "Versus". Pass.

7. Queers - "Drop The Attitude Fucker". Not the worst offender, but the name of the band + "Fucker" in the title = Fail. There goes my presidential ambitions.

Posted by xjerryx | June 28, 2008 4:33 PM

"Niggers Are Scared of Revolution" - The Last Poets

Not sure who that would alienate the most. But it's either that one or "Bodies" by The Sex Pistols.

Posted by LondonLee | June 28, 2008 4:36 PM

#3 Turbonegro (Ass Cobra) - Raggare is a Bunch of Motherfuckers

#6 Venetian Snares (Winnipeg is a Frozen Shithole) - Die Winnipeg Die Die Die Fuckers Die

#10 Kool Keith (Sex Style) - Stuck on Pussy Drive

Posted by whiskey | June 28, 2008 4:53 PM

Beethoven's Grosse Fuge came up first, which makes me a latte-sipping, classical-music liking elitist. Somewhere in the 30s my iPod spun up "Hits From the Bong" by Cypress Hill, which would be an automatic DQ ("Do you want to get high? Does EVERYBODY want to get hiiiiiiiiiigh?"), and about 10 hits later "Bales of Cocaine" by the Reverend Horton Heat.

Posted by Norsecats | June 28, 2008 4:54 PM

I kept on going, and I think I win:

#13 Rapeman (Two Nuns and a Pack Mule) - Trouser Minnow

Posted by whiskey | June 28, 2008 4:55 PM

This may do it, although I think by the time I run for President this stuff will be totally fine (after all, they are ACADEMY AWARD WINNERS!!!):

THREE 6 MAFIA LYRICS

"Tongue Ring"

[Talking]
Hey we gonna do a song called Tongue Ring
Let me feel your Tongue Ring, is it rusty, hahaha

[Chorus One: D.J. Paul]
Let me feel your tongue ring, let me feel
Let me feel, let me feel, let me feel your tongue ring
Let me feel, let me feel, let me feel your tongue ring
Let me feel your tongue ring
Let me feel your tongue ring, let me feel
Let me feel, let me feel, let me feel your tongue ring
Let me feel, let me feel, let me feel your tongue ring
Let me feel your tongue ring
Let me feel your tongue ring
Let me feel your tongue ring
Let me feel your tongue ring

[Juicy 'J']
Me and my niggas try yo' bitch
Stole the price and stang yo' bitch
All you did was take a shot
And ball the fist to close the fist
Kiss it at the mall to mill
Hold the hands and love the shit
Hope you ain't no essency
Don't you know she used to trick
Open the door to pop the crespt
To take your time to fucking sex
I never would a will a swept
Knowing she'd be chewing paint
All my boys the more the better
Not a week but when you met her
Spits the swallow while she asks
Thats as if you gon' eat me now

[D.J. Paul]
Now nigga (nigga) what ?
What the fuck ?
Im all about them freaky hoes
That like to suck
Them brawls wit' them booty blowin'
Now thats the bidness
I let this kinda camera for show
Be my witness
Them boys wit the can't block it
Get them round
Wit' them boys that can't rock it
Drink some crown wit it
Niggas wit some videos
Or some college hoes
That playin' hard to get
But they the freakiest (freakiest)

[Chorus Two: DJ Paul]

Let me feel, let me feel, let me feel your tongue ring
Let me feel, let me feel, let me feel your tongue ring
Let me feel your tongue ring
Let me feel your tongue ring
Let me feel, let me feel, let me feel your tongue ring
Let me feel, let me feel, let me feel your tongue ring
Let me feel, let me feel, let me feel your tongue ring
Let me feel your tongue ring
Let me feel your tongue ring
Let me feel, let me feel, let me feel your tongue ring

[Gangsta Boo]
I be fucking this nigga
Straight corruping this nigga
Pussy wet as a river
You need a boat for me nigga
I be hot as a fire
Oh my God I'm on fire
I be tellin' these boys
I do my thang when I'm higher
Come on baby just lay down
Or to bed with me baby
I be triple the playin'
The triple pleasure im sayin'
I be comin' with cha'
If your freaky like me
If your freaky, im sneaky
Hey undercover watch me
Strawberries and ice
Not the ice on yo' wrist
Got yo' niggas dick brick
See me rubbin' my clit
(rubbin' rubbin' my clit)
Suckin' (suckin') my tits
Camcorder got me staring high
In my first click
I be major with mine, I don't fuck all the time
I don't need you, please believe me
Nigga only when I'm in the mood for a quick
A quick ride on the dick
Threw a razor in my mouth
Straight slicin' yo' shit
NIGGA !!!

[Repeat Chorus 2]

[Chrunchy Black]
Dis' Bitch, dat ho (ho)
Let me see you pussy ho
Soakin' fuckin' wet
Nigga tryin' to play some fat
Oldy, freaky, hood rat type of ho
Nigga don't you know all hoes ?
Go easy
Fuckin' cum easy
Fuckin' go see me
Nigga fuckin' ho bout' a train bro'
All nigga, all boy, take off yo' fuckin' hat
Let these ho put cap in yo lap (jack)

[Lord Infamous]
Fornified pleasure girl
Lickin' every measure girl
Tryin' to find a tresure girl
Nigga it's whatever girl
Bitch i'll take you round' the world
Lick ya dick, a talk ya twirl
All to know ya' toes will curl
And then your dick will start to hurl
Talk like I fuck her in da butt
Nigga it ain't hard to cut
Wait untill she sittin' up
Just waitin' to lick a nigga nuts
Quickly gettin' naked
Skinny dick, she'll strecth it
Pussy stayin' wet, and she loves when niggas rake it

[Koopsta Knicca]
So did it bitches
Pretty bitches
Freaky bitches
I've had those sticky bitches
Grand there thin, all on the flow wit' bitches
Them goin' bitches
Hoein bitches
Blowin' bitches
Mad at the stoned up bitches
Flowin' bitches
Some sort of rollin' bitches
Scary bitches
Plenty bitches
Hairy bitches
Even the smelly bitches
Ready bitches
Beat up the deadly bitches
Say what ?
To tear up the ugly bitches bout' the news
Koopsta my bloodshed bullsucker
Bitch you gon' feel the nooooise !

Posted by Asher | June 28, 2008 5:51 PM

Well, I don't have one of those gadgets, so I could try using the Kaffeine media player on Linux, selecting my 1718 files, and then shuffling that.

Since I have absolutely NO rap, R&B, soul, punk, country/western, grunge rock, or whatever, it's likely I'd go quite a ways through the list before hitting on something even mildly objectionable.

Perhaps KISS's "Lick It Up" would qualify? (I'm dying to hear the Corrs sing that some day.)

Some "Sisters of Mercy" stuff would probably qualify.

Shriekback's "Gunning for the Buddha" might piss off some Eastern religious types.

And of course, there's always the "Rocky Horror Picture Show" "Sweet Transvestite"...

Pink Floyd, "The Dogs of War" - appropriate for this year when the Iran war is about to start.

Phil Collins, "I Don't Care Anymore" generally reflects my attitude, along with Peter Gabriel's "Shock the Monkey."

Judas Priest's "Breaking the Law", I've already experienced.

Alphaville's "Forever Young" is a paean to Transhumanism.

And finally, Enigma" "I Love You...I'll Kill You" would fit the "stalker" image some idiots have of me, along with their "Principles of Lust". Not to mention their "Power of the Loser".

Posted by Richard Steven Hack | June 28, 2008 7:11 PM

Nine clicks in and MIA starts up about her Dad.

Posted by Dirk | June 28, 2008 7:19 PM

heh, #3, "Gettin Some Head", Lil Wayne w/ Pharrell...its really pretty um, explicit, and most people would find it quite reprehensible, but the line "real talk I get head on the airplane / b$tch be climbin all over that little chair thing" makes me laugh.

Posted by onceler | June 28, 2008 7:28 PM

#5. "Self-evident" - Ani DiFranco's 9/11 poem.

On a morning beatific
in its Indian summer breeze
on the day when America
fell to its knees
after strutting around for a century
without saying thank you
or please.

Posted by Allan | June 28, 2008 7:51 PM

LOL, what fun. My first hit is Rage Against the Machine's Guerrilla Radio, which I think is a literal call to revolution against the backdrop of the 2000 election. So, that's that.

I've actually been trying to come up with the theme song for each of the 52 US Presidents (anachronism aside...)

So far, I've nailed down:
George Bush--Everybody Knows (Leonard Cohen and a trillion covers)
George Washington--Here Comes Your Man (Pixies)
Lincoln--Redemption Song (Bob Marley)

Posted by anonymous | June 28, 2008 8:15 PM

Song #6. "Fuck her Gently" by Tenacious D.

Screw the Presidency, I think this might get me knocked out of House contention.

Posted by anonymiss | June 28, 2008 8:26 PM

Love in Ya Mouth- Kilo Ali

Warning- lyrics are very explicit and are about a man bragging about his skills of obtaining oral sex.

http://www.stlyrics.com/songs/k/kiloali7532/loveinyamouth271979.html

Posted by 55 | June 28, 2008 9:54 PM

RE: protect ya neck

im pretty sure no explicit version actually exists. it's definitely been edited on every copy ive ever owned

Posted by Killa Bee | June 28, 2008 10:24 PM

2nd song! "You Want The Candy" by the Ravonettes.

"Come on give me a dirty treat."

Posted by Pat NJ | June 28, 2008 11:29 PM

Quick one for me: #2 song that came up :
"Sh*t, Damn, Motherf*cker" by D'Angelo from Brown Sugar

I thought I'd be good when the first one came up: "Thank God I'm a Country Boy" by John Denver, however it went waaaay down hill from there. After D'Angelo, I got a block of three Nina Simone songs one of which was "Mississippi Goddam", then I got "William's Doll" by Alan Alda and Marlo Thomas from Free to Be You and Me (I skipped over that one- I prefer Rosey Grier's "It's Alright to Cry" from that album). So, basically after praising the good, traditional heartland, I offend with foul language and violence against women, then offend an entire state and region of the country (although deservedly), then break traditional gender stereotypes and be too effeminate; all I was missing was the "I want to raise your taxes" song.

Posted by Erich | June 29, 2008 12:01 AM

1. "God Killed The Queen" by Louis XIV
+earns votes from the Scots-Irish
-loses WASP votes

6. "Conquest" by the White Stripes
+earns Hispanic votes by having mariachi horns
-loses female votes for evoking a sexual predator

11. "Ants" by Forgive Durden
-the most elitist song ever written, about a queen ant(allegorically, the president?) looking down on all those dumb little ants.

Shine down on us now.
Wash our hands clean.
Lord knows they're filthy.
Blackened with greed.
Please be our savior,
Great deity.
Well if you can't save us,
Can this money

Few have cut their strings
And risked it all to chase their dreams.
Most seek the quick buck.
The perfect tan.
The easy fuck.
Pray for their promotion.
They stay in line.
They please the queen.
They wait their turn.
Climb the hill.
At all costs, avoid the pain.
With my titan feet I could
End it with just one step.
You cannot dodge agony
If all ten tons of it
Comes stomping down on you at once
Like a bullet to the brain.
From my monster height
A healthy walk I contemplate.

15. "Teddy Picker" by the Arctic Monkeys
Ouch. Here's the last line of the song:
Presuming that all things are equal,
who'd want to be a man of the people,
when there's people like you?

22. "Icky Thump" by the White Stripes
Oh this would lose the election. . .
White Americans, what?
Nothing better to do?
Why don't you kick yourself out
You're an immigrant too!

Who's using who?
What should we do?
Well, you can't be a pimp
And a prostitute too.

Posted by Abe | June 29, 2008 1:02 AM

Hmmm, well, I’m sure Leonard Cohen’s “Democracy” would probably do it. Yes, it’s a cult classic and Mr. Cohen is in his 70’s and very non-threatening. But aside from rather tame mentions of sex and domestic violence, the chorus actually goes;

“Democracy is coming…to-the-U-S-A”.

Faux New Alert! “Does Candidate Raindog actually think democracy is coming TO the United States? And from Tienimein Square of all places?!? More on Raindog and his Canadian Communist mentor.

And Amy Winehouse’s “F**k Me Pumps” might also cause a nice stir, for several reasons.

Posted by Raindog | June 29, 2008 3:05 AM

Sticking to the standard of "absolutely" disqualifying:

a) Fourth song
b) "Tanya Ibu Dan Ayah" by Raihan

Not because of what the lyrics say, but on the principle that it's an Islamic song performed in Malaysian. There goes middle America.

Alternately, perhaps my seventeenth song, Sarah McLachlan's "Building A Mystery", would count on the grounds that it features profanity.

Posted by Khaled | June 29, 2008 11:49 AM

Indecency in just two clicks -- and cue the sound of balls slapping ass cheeks!

"Pawn Star" by De La Soul

Posted by dan k | June 29, 2008 12:31 PM

Two songs.

Second song that came up was "Praise Ye Jah" by Sizzla which is basically offensive to pretty much all political ideologies in mainstream America, containing such lyrical gems as:

Outright blasphemy from a Christian viewpoint:

Well now talk bout Jesus
A who dat
I know him as the Nazerite
The offspring of King David (Selassie I)
Now come den Selassie I di other
Earth's rightful ruler
He's from di same line

Anti-clericalism:

Why yuh don't
Kill those
Standing on yuh pulpits
You use dem to steer di minds of di yout
An as dey preach
Di yout cease from knowin di truth

And, just to cover all the bases, blatant homophobia:

while yuh church
Defend di slackness as usual
Rasta no mix up with homo

Posted by Andrew Edwards | June 29, 2008 3:37 PM

Protect Ya Neck is edited on the retail version of the album. I don't know if an official uncensored version was ever released, but it's been floating around on the internet for a while:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=J_Mh6TgQYB8

Posted by a guy | June 29, 2008 8:34 PM

Suprisingly, it got to #17

America's Boy by Broadcast

"Quaker toil & texan oil
Rockets on we're arm in arm
Nasa nude you're manly you

Oi american soldier
America's boy

Gun me down with yankee power
Cock pit tom with army charm
The eagle lands army commands

Oi american soldier
America's boy

Cowboy corn & bugle horn
{on son don't post me on?}
You are dean and me the queen

Oi american soldier
America's boy

The song before that was September by Earth Wind and Fire, which Obama has used at least once at a rally

Posted by Andrew Fly | June 29, 2008 10:23 PM

Aesthetically sorry to report that it's "I Kissed a Girl" by Katy Perry.

But at least I could be V.P.!

Posted by Dave | June 30, 2008 12:00 AM

"Welcome to the Terrordome." PE

Crucifixion ain't no fiction/So-called chosen frozen/Apologies made to whoever pleases/Still they got me like Jesus

So, umm, yeah, jhupp, you are done. It came up number one for me, so don't feel bad, I can't make it to Iowa even. Followed by Coldplay, so make of it what you will.

Posted by Phil | June 30, 2008 10:07 AM

Very first song: "Sweet Payne" by The Hold Steady. Too many drug references to count.

Posted by Craig | July 1, 2008 10:39 AM

The first song that turned up was the Flaming Lips' "There You Are - Jesus Song No. 7", which contains the lyric "God was f***ed up when He made this town."

Other disqualifiers:
#4 "Do Your Sister" by The Floor is Made of Lava
#9 a New Pornographers song.
#14 "Skulls" by the Misfits
#22 "Love Split with Blood" by the Dog Faced Hermans
#34 "It Wasn't Me" by Shaggy

And no, I haven't come across anything playable at the rally yet. The closest I've got is #46 "Slim Jenkins' Place" by Booker T and the MGs.

Posted by mike | July 1, 2008 12:02 PM

The first song that turned up was the Flaming Lips' "There You Are - Jesus Song No. 7", which contains the lyric "God was f***ed up when He made this town."

Other disqualifiers:
#4 "Do Your Sister" by The Floor is Made of Lava
#9 a New Pornographers song.
#14 "Skulls" by the Misfits
#22 "Love Split with Blood" by the Dog Faced Hermans
#34 "It Wasn't Me" by Shaggy

And no, I haven't come across anything playable at the rally yet. The closest I've got is #46 "Slim Jenkins' Place" by Booker T and the MGs.

Posted by mike | July 1, 2008 12:14 PM