Perfection

Well, girls, if you're out there following the American presidential campaign you'll be glad to know that The Washington Post is around to tell you that the perfect wife is always deferential, does everything she can to support her husband's career, and beyond that doesn't bore him with a lot of talking about stuff. Kay Steiger's not seeing it:

But a presidential candidate’s spouse that’s shy and uncomfortable speaking in public, might more often be viewed that as a liability and not an asset. But regardless of whether or not “perfection” is defined by impeccable manners, riding horses, and studying dance, it seems that that’s only one way that someone can be perfect. That version of perfection is rooted in antiquated stereotypes about how women should be quiet, speak when spoken to, and never express an opinion too loudly (if at all).

Meanwhile, the author of the piece, Libby Copeland, has risen over the course of her ten year career from being a Washington Post intern to being a feature writing at one of America's premiere newspapers. One assumes she's not, in other words, actually someone who thinks that Cindy McCain's traditionalist heiress lifestyle is something every woman should aspire to. It's odd. You don't expect comprised of a 72 year-old man and a 64 year-old woman to really be a model of forward-looking egalitarian marriage and I don't think there's really anything wrong with that -- they're people of their time, and they seem happy enough with it. But why would we want to hold this anachronistic model up as an ideal to which we should all be aspiring?

Comments

Actually, Cindy McCain is 54 years old.

Posted by Existenz | July 22, 2008 2:33 PM

Regardless of whether or not “perfection” is defined by impeccable manners, riding horses, and studying dance

Whoa whoa whoa! Is this even up for debate?

Fetch me my steed, boy. I'm off to the duke's palace--and I shan't return till I procure a bride!

Posted by scythia | July 22, 2008 2:35 PM

Exactly, which means she was actually 8 years old and John McCain was 26, when they were married.

Gross!

Posted by Noah | July 22, 2008 2:36 PM

Cindy McCain is the woman Anne Coulter always wanted to grow up to be.

Posted by lampwick | July 22, 2008 2:36 PM

I believe the word "Stepford" has been employed on a few occasions.

Posted by Angry Sam | July 22, 2008 2:40 PM

Hmmm....The Washington Post sees someone who is "perfect". I see someone who stole perscriptions from her vanity charity to satisfy her drug habit and a homewrecking harlot who participated in the breakup of John "I voted for the Defense of Marriage Act" McCain's marriage and got married to John without waiting for the first marriage to be dissolved.

That's the script Karl Rove would use...

Posted by calipygian | July 22, 2008 2:43 PM

I remember the press attacking Howard Dean's wife for not campaigning for him and instead tending to her family practice in Vermont. The press is a filled with assholes.

Posted by joejoejoe | July 22, 2008 2:44 PM

So is Cindy a trust fund scumbag?

Posted by otto | July 22, 2008 2:46 PM

She is 54, not 64. The age difference is 18 years.

Posted by Matthew G. Saroff | July 22, 2008 2:51 PM

I don't see anything here that calls for snark about Cindy McCain herself. From what I can tell, she falls well within the range of background and personality we ought to tolerate in the wife of a presidential candidate.

Pointing out that McCain married lots of money and hasn't lived a life of economic worries since then is perfectly fine. Attacks on his wife are, however, in the end just going to look mean spirited and not work. And snark about the WP can easily be misread. So be careful.

There are lots of Cindy McCain identifying women out there, and some could vote for Obama. Lets keep it that way.

Posted by stefan | July 22, 2008 2:51 PM

I believe the word "Stepford" has been employed on a few occasions.

And "Drug addict". Placidity comes at a price.

Posted by Jeffrey Davis | July 22, 2008 2:53 PM

Did Libby mention that Cindy is way richer than Oprah and that Cindy did nothing to accumulate her wealth???

Posted by jerri | July 22, 2008 2:57 PM

You know what would be awesome? If some reporter or town hall questioner asked Cindy McCain how she managed to cope while her husband was a prisoner of war in Vietnam. The answer and potential fallout might be interesting. Maybe Colbert is the guy to do it.

Posted by ed | July 22, 2008 2:59 PM

Snark about 'drug addicts' also may not be the best strategy here. Lots of people out there have struggles with drug addiction, and most of them don't mind a story of recovery from drug addiction. Beating up on a spouse with decade old drug problems -- due to a medical problem -- is just a way of seriously offending many people unnecessarily.

Posted by stefan | July 22, 2008 3:00 PM

But why would we want to hold this anachronistic model up as an ideal to which we should all be aspiring?
We wouldn't. I keep thinking how, especially during this election, the press is showing its age. This WaPo article is a good example of that.

Posted by slag | July 22, 2008 3:01 PM

She's blonde, she's thin, she's rich: what's not to like ?

But really, this "Cindy McCain is perfect" meme is just too stupid for words. Without using offensive language, we can surely at least point out that someone whose past involves an affair with a married man and a drug addiction leading to criminal behavior is far from perfect - and indeed, has a rather more shady history than Michelle Obama, for example.

Posted by Richard Cownie | July 22, 2008 3:01 PM

I kind of like Cindy. I'm pretty sure neither she nor her marriage should be held up as a model--as Yglesias says, they're products of their time, and I suspect that means hers is not the easiest relationship for a woman to be in--but she seems like an alright sort.

Posted by SomeCallMeTim | July 22, 2008 3:02 PM

Until a politician's spouse decides to engage in public advocacy on issues of controversey, there is no reason for them to be reported on, except in the most cursory manner. I don't have an opinion on Cindy McCain, and see no reason to have one. Hopefully, I'll be able to say the same thing about Michelle Obama in two years.

Posted by Will Allen | July 22, 2008 3:02 PM

Man, if only it was Kerry vs. McCain, and therefore Theresa vs. Cindy, and therefore ketchup vs. beer.

Posted by Noah | July 22, 2008 3:04 PM

Cindy is NOT way richer than Oprah. Oprah has billions, my friend, Cindy has a mere hundred mill.

And 64 vs. 54?! Bloggers, please start keeping a copy of your posts on your own hard drives, just for later comparison to what goes out over the intertubes.

Posted by ferd | July 22, 2008 3:05 PM

Yeah, but she stole her drugs from a charity for veterans! If she weren't a Republican, the press would devour her for that alone.

The disparate treatement of Michelle Obama and Cindy McCain is easily the factor in this election most likely to cause me to go down the Washington Post with a baseball bat and beat the first editor I see to a bloody pulp.

Posted by Gabriel | July 22, 2008 3:05 PM

Lots of people out there have struggles with drug addiction, and most of them don't mind a story of recovery from drug addiction. Beating up on a spouse with decade old drug problems -- due to a medical problem -- is just a way of seriously offending many people unnecessarily.

I appreciate the sentiment, but imagine the shoe on the other foot.

If Michelle Obama had been caught stealing drugs (and stealing from a charity, for crying out loud!), it would have been major, major news, and would have probably doomed Obama's campaign. Seriously, think about how much of a flap was made of her "finally proud" statement, which is still all over the blogs. Stealing drugs? We'd never hear the end.

Posted by Brad L | July 22, 2008 3:08 PM

but she seems like an alright sort.
I thought she was alright until she claimed that she, unlike Michelle Obama, was always proud of her country. Then, I couldn't stand her (to put it mildly).

Posted by slag | July 22, 2008 3:10 PM

If WaPo is going to report on their marriage in such detail, shouldn't they note that it sounds a bit dysfunctional? I mean, she went to her parents for help with her drug problem and hid it from her husband? That's kinda weird. She hid her stroke recovery from her family and friends? Also weird.

Friend Lisa Keegan, an education adviser in both McCain presidential campaigns who traveled with Cindy during the 2000 run, recalls that Cindy was "pretty private" about the stroke shortly after it happened.

"I had the impression that Cindy was happy to talk about it after she'd conquered it, and not when it was frightening," Keegan says. "She's less inclined to want to be asking people to help her."

McCain has said she decided to recover from the stroke on her own, so she left her family and stayed in Southern California for several months.

...

n Cindy's telling, the stress of this scandal, plus spinal surgeries for two ruptured discs and the pain of an enlarged uterus, all combined to feed her addictive behavior. She has said she did not tell her husband about her growing problem, even as she was stealing painkillers from the medical organization she'd founded.

By 1992, she wrote later in Newsweek, she was taking 10 to 15 pills a day, claiming they were vitamins if she had to swallow them in public. The fact that her husband didn't notice made her feel like she was still in control of the problem.

"I only saw him on the weekends, and I didn't want him to come home to this woman who couldn't do anything," McCain told the Chicago Tribune in April. "I completely masked it and completely kept myself somewhat pain-free and [with] the ability to function and do everything he wanted."

Close friend Betsey Bayless, a hospital executive and a former Arizona secretary of state, says she did not detect anything wrong with Cindy at the time.

"She told me many times that she wanted to be the perfect wife and mother, and she wanted to be everything that John McCain wanted her to be," Bayless says. "And she pretty much was the perfect wife and mother, but, you know, she had to come to the realization that everything isn't perfect."

"She wanted to be the best possible Mrs. John S. McCain as she could," Joe McCain says. "I think she honestly felt that she did not want to be one of his problems."

Posted by bob | July 22, 2008 3:11 PM

Man, if only it was Kerry vs. McCain, and therefore Theresa vs. Cindy, and therefore ketchup vs. beer.

Heinz Ketchup (vastly better than Hunt's) vs. Budweiser (i.e. barely classifies as beer). Cindy loses.

Posted by LFC | July 22, 2008 3:13 PM

"Beating up on a spouse with decade old drug problems -- due to a medical problem -- is just a way of seriously offending many people unnecessarily.

Posted by stefan | July 22, 2008 3:00 PM"

Especially considering Bush also used this against McCain as part of the "McCain has an illegitimate black baby" smear in South Carolina.

Anyway people, Michelle Obama is actually more popular than Cindy McCain (not that that really matters), so we don't need to press too much on these things. With that said, the WaPo has been really weird on such things these past few years.

Posted by Reality Man | July 22, 2008 3:17 PM

Libby: Now that we're done, can I give you a big smooch?

Cindy: Oooo. On the cheek, please.

Posted by asl | July 22, 2008 3:18 PM

Sorry, but this is a thoroughly dishonest reading of Copeland’s article. People she speaks with – friends, associates, campaign attendees – call McCain “perfect.” Copeland then writes about her shyness, addition to pain killers, miscarriages, etc. – things that are less than perfect. So much for nuance.

Posted by Brendan | July 22, 2008 3:20 PM

Cownie hits it: She's blond, she's thin, she's rich: what's not to like?

To a certain extent, I think that does have something to do with the way the press treats her. Sort of a nerd crush on the high school cheerleader.

I don't hold a grudge that Cindy McCain is rich. It does bother me, however, that if Michelle Obama was a rich heiress and Cindy McCain was a Ivy-league lawyer, the press would be running stories about how Cindy worked hard and "earned" her money and knows first hand how to achieve the American dream.

Posted by Bob Oso | July 22, 2008 3:23 PM

Cownie hits it: She's blond, she's thin, she's rich: what's not to like?

To a certain extent, I think that does have something to do with the way the press treats her. Sort of a nerd crush on the high school cheerleader.

I don't hold a grudge that Cindy McCain is rich. It does bother me, however, that if Michelle Obama was a rich heiress and Cindy McCain was a Ivy-league lawyer, the press would be running stories about how Cindy worked hard and "earned" her money and knows first hand how to achieve the American dream.

Posted by Bob Oso | July 22, 2008 3:26 PM

Cindy McCain seems like a reasonably pleasant person and a lot of the attacks here are unwarranted. However, the profile (fawning as it is) makes it clear that she is a person of high privilege who values her privacy. Which is fine, but as a politician's wife - and a potential First Lady - she seems incapable of understanding that she can't protect her privacy as she might want.

She has really flubbed this question of how she will put a firewall between her and her financial interests if she makes it to the White House. I sense she finds the whole idea a little absurd and intrusive. If I had been raised as she clearly has, I might feel the same way. But the fact that the McCains don't see that it would be a huge problem for her (and John) for her to run the distributorship and also run the country at the same time, is disconcerting to say the least.

Kay Steiger also makes an excellent point that Libby Copeland sure didn't go out of her way to try to dig up anybody who wasn't on Cindy's side (Steiger calls it "a lack of reporting"). Copeland writes that "by some accounts, [McCain] was separated from his wife, Carol Shepp..." But in the infamous recent profile of the First Missus McCain, this account appears:

In 1979 – while still married to Carol – he met Cindy at a cocktail party in Hawaii. Over the next six months he pursued her, flying around the country to see her. Then he began to push to end his marriage.

I don't judge Cindy for being with a married man. This sort of thing happens all the time and God knows what stories he told her. But that doesn't mean she should be let off the hook entirely, as if there was a decent interval between the two relationships.

Posted by The Pop View | July 22, 2008 3:28 PM

"I don't judge Cindy for being with a married man. This sort of thing happens all the time and God knows what stories he told her"

Well, it's not a crime (though stealing prescription drugs *is* a crime, and she was lucky to get off that one without jail time). But let's suppose you got a random sample of 100 women aged 24: I'd bet that the number having affairs with married men is under 20%. Lots of people do it: but it's below-average behavior, and it's indicative of poor judgment.

I have some sympathy for Cindy McCain: she's raised 4 kids mostly alone while her husband poses in DC, and being married to an ass like McCain must be pretty trying. But a whole lot of women manage to raise families and work hard and not get addicted to painkillers. She's ok, but as far as I can see there are probably about 100 million women in the USA who are at least as praiseworthy. Of course most of them aren't so thin or so expensively blonde or so well-dressed.

Posted by Richard Cownie | July 22, 2008 3:48 PM

I don't judge Cindy for being with a married man. This sort of thing happens all the time and God knows what stories he told her. But that doesn't mean she should be let off the hook entirely, as if there was a decent interval between the two relationships.

Stealing drugs from a charity is pretty bad too, isn't it?

Posted by ed | July 22, 2008 3:49 PM

Say what you want about Cindy McCain, but she's not exactly a traditional housewife. Maybe she tries to present that her public image. But my understanding is that she's much more of a career woman. She owns and runs her own very successful business. Yeah, she inherited it. But she's in charge.

I don't particularly like Cindy McCain and I agree that she's kind of creepy looking. But this "Stepford Wife" think just won't fly. That insult can be flung fairly at St. Laura Bush, but not at Cindy.

Posted by Rob Mac | July 22, 2008 3:51 PM

Cindy was a USC cheerleader. An intrepid Lefty reporter shoud do some research and see if she was blowing any of the Runningblacks on the famed Trojan Football squad. OJ? Marcus Allen?

She may have been a 1970's version of Kim Kardashian.

Posted by del | July 22, 2008 3:53 PM

This seems like a willfull misreading of the WaPo piece. It seems like a pretty fair profile. It's got the bad stuff and the good. It doesn't say Cindy McCain is perfect.

Posted by too many steves | July 22, 2008 4:02 PM

Are people who are born into money more deserving of their fortune than people who marry into it?

Posted by kafka | July 22, 2008 4:10 PM

Matt I know your typos are often amusing, but the 64 vs 54 is major; it detracts from your point when you claim that a 72 year old and 64 year old aren't an example of egalitarianism when most people who marry do have that kind of age difference. A 72 year old vs a 54 year old on the other hand... that's just wierd. He could be her father.

Posted by Small Pimping | July 22, 2008 4:34 PM

what Bob above doesn't point out is that the reason why she probably didn't feel comfortable telling her husband she had a drug problem? She was probably afraid of verbal abuse ("You effing c**t!, etc).

And you BET Michelle would have been raked across the coals if she stole her drugs from a charity, and what a stereotype fulfilled that would be! The media would eat it up. And so would the Repubs.

Posted by cnnr | July 22, 2008 4:42 PM

This seems like a willfull misreading of the WaPo piece. It seems like a pretty fair profile. It's got the bad stuff and the good. It doesn't say Cindy McCain is perfect.

Posted by too many steves | July 22, 2008 4:02 PM

=================================================

I agree. About the only time the WAPO says she is perfect is that she "looks perfect" for the role of a candidates wife. The other uses of perfect are other people's description of her or her appearance or her own stated aspirations to be "perfect" in roles in her life.

Posted by Campesino | July 22, 2008 5:12 PM

I think the attacks on her are a little out of line as well, but contrast how she is treated as a rich Heiress vs Theresa Heinz Kerry and how she is treated in general vs Michelle Obama. As was stated above if Michelle had a past drug problem and Cindy had made a verbal faux paux along the really proud line how different would things be?

The double standard for how Republicans and Democrats get treated extends to spouses.

Posted by eric k | July 22, 2008 5:56 PM

The biggest takeaway from the article was what a jerk John McCain appears to be. She's afraid to share any problems in her life with him, and, in fact, when something is wrong with her, he doesn't even notice. He certainly doesn't rush to her side to take care of her after she has a stroke. No, instead she goes off to recover alone. Pathetic. I can't imagine why she stayed married to him, since he only seems to view her as an ATM and a trophy.

Posted by halle | July 22, 2008 6:01 PM

The article whitewashed a couple of things. It says "by some accounts, [McCain] was separated from his wife" when he met Cindy. In fact, he was still living with his first wife, and got his new marriage license before their divorce was final. It also mentions their "large, $4.6 million condo" without mentioning their 10-13 other properties.

Posted by croatoan | July 22, 2008 6:26 PM

"A 72 year old vs a 54 year old on the other hand... that's just wierd. He could be her father.

Posted by Small Pimping | July 22, 2008 4:34 PM"

At that age, does it really matter?

"The biggest takeaway from the article was what a jerk John McCain appears to be. She's afraid to share any problems in her life with him, and, in fact, when something is wrong with her, he doesn't even notice. He certainly doesn't rush to her side to take care of her after she has a stroke. No, instead she goes off to recover alone. Pathetic. I can't imagine why she stayed married to him, since he only seems to view her as an ATM and a trophy.

Posted by halle | July 22, 2008 6:01 PM"

When it comes down to it, McCain is all about McCain. His carefully cultivated "maverick" image seems to be mostly about helping out his aspirations, not about particular issues he cares about.

Posted by Reality Man | July 22, 2008 7:47 PM

Ok so a lot of people have noticed she is 54 and not 64. Matt, we love the typos and all, but surely that's the kind of brain fart that you can correct in order for it to not take away from your main points without sacrificing the off-the-cuff blogger authenticity.

Posted by Will Hutchinson | July 22, 2008 7:53 PM

Jeez. First the The New Yorker cover, now Libby Copeland. Do you guys ever pick up on sarcasm?

Posted by Aleks | July 22, 2008 9:09 PM

My favorite sentence from the article...search the Post site for articles using the search term words, perfect drug addiction

"The perfection of Cindy McCain is a theme that repeats itself in interviews with those who know her -- this woman who hid her drug addiction from her husband for years, who fought her fear of campaigning via small planes by getting her pilot's license without telling her husband."

Posted by mike | July 22, 2008 9:30 PM

I can't find the link right now, but the story to read is the Arizona alt-weeky piece that Matt Welch linked to recently in his top real stories about McCain. It deals with her painkiller addiction while running a charity, and it includes a pretty good account of her using her position with the NGO to further her habit.

I have friends and family members with alcohol and drug problems and have attended my share of AA and narcotics A problems. In a single meeting, you might hear of a girl who had a few too many drinks and slept with some guy she did not really like and then became a meeting-goer for life and then you'll hear from a man who sold his kids' toys, clothes, diapers and formula for more heroin. I respect the hell out of all these people who have overcome addiction. However, Cindy McCain's story is pretty fucking far down the spectrum. She was abusing DEA numbers of all sorts of docs who were working with her organization and then falsely claiming that the drugs she illegally procured was sent with deployed American military units. Like someone else said, if Michelle Obama had done such a thing, Barack could not even be thinking of running for president.

As for how McCain treated his former life, I think it's absolutely terrible, but then again I would have given up my vulnerable dog after 48 hours in a Vietnamese prisnon camp.

Posted by Mike | July 23, 2008 6:23 AM